Much Ado About Life?

A mysterious crying affair

2012-02-11T23:30:00.000+09:00

As time fly by, we will leave behind many things in our quest for the future. That is life. Same with me, but the brain will never let it go that easy. Those things known as memory still very much instilled in the prefrontal cortex of the brain. Once a while, I will walk down those memory lanes and many incidences will come rushing back. Those memories have made me who I am today. It is like having a dash of a smell of a used-to-love shampoo and it triggers a feeling and images of all the memories that are unknowingly embedded in that particular brain.

I used to live in a flat of Kajang Utama for about 6 years. Those days were the days of struggling where we; my housemates of three and I, spent most of our times studying to finish our tertiary education, it was for the first 3 years. Iza and I had added another three years for master degree while Kak Wan and As, they’ve opted for work, but we stayed put in the same house until Iza got married and one by one left the house.

Money was a big matter during those days. On a small stipend provided we managed carefully to accommodate all the needs. However, it never deterred us from being happy. During free time, we tried to get to know our neighbors and mingling away. But sometimes, our duty as students and workers took away the liberty to spend time with them all. Anyhow, we had been close to a few of them.

As the basis of any relationship, love bridged us with one another. Apart from the adults, there were children, many of them. Children were always behaving like one, but they were only children. At times, they did test our patience but humor us at other times. It was like one big family. We helped each other to the best that we could. Nevertheless not all the families there were the perfect family or at least the decent ones. Some of them were living lives which look like had been lifted straight from the TV’s dramas with either divorced parents, second wife, step child, insufficient money and drinking problems. In other words, we were surrounded with low level middle class family that found comfort in each other company.

Anyway, it was normal life still until one weekend. Early morning of that day, I was wakened up to a sound of a child crying. My room was at the end of the block, at the third floor of four stories building, near the stairs, so I used to hear many things; even of a couple discussing their private life. But then, that morning it was a crying sound and that too, the time was around 3 am. Therefore, only one object was lingering in my mind. Oh God! Not that.

You see, I am easily feared of ghost and since, I didn’t take much attention of it but tried as best to go back to sleep. After quite some time, the crying ended with a loud thud sound. There were questions popped-up of that but I was sleepy and feared; a combination that made my mind blurred. The best choice was to ignore and thus, I went back to sleep.

Since I had to go to the lab that morning, I left early, rushing down the stairs and not thinking much about the crying sound anymore. What’s more, all the others were still sleeping. There was really no one around given that it was Sunday. People usually prefer to sleep it off during Sunday morning.

The mind was fixed at work in hand until I reached home that evening; my roommate told me the worst. A child, the one who’s hyperactive, had fallen off the balcony and was found in the drain below the apartment. They said he was found by someone who walked his motorbike out from the parking place, it was around mid morning and the ants had started to swarm his body.

I knew the boy. The family just moved into the flat. He was maybe around two years old, staying with his father after the parents divorced or said so. The father had since remarried. Another version which was told was his birth mother had left the country to go back to her home country leaving both of them behind. Anyway, at that time they family just had a new addition of a family member when his step-mother delivered a baby boy few months back.

It was also all known that he was always beaten for being too naughty. Probably he was beaten that night and run away from home. Trying to sit on the fence of the balcony and fall off, thus explained the thud sound that I heard. Or worst, probably there was someone who was very disturbed with his behavior and took it to the dangerous level. Trying to quiet him off, the person might have shoved him hard and accidentally, lose grip and he fall off.

Oh my God! There goes my Hercule Poirot deduction.

Anyway, the boy was too small to get on the top of the fence but he was small enough to get through the in-between vertical bar of the fence.

Gosh! I was not able to stop thinking about the incidence. He was there crying while I slept through the night. He was there lay dead when I walked to the lab that morning.

This incidence will be there whenever Kajang Utama is mention. Hopefully, he is living happily on the other side though I will never know what is really happen that morning.

The young system

2012-02-08T12:51:00.003+09:00

In the field of science, I am still young. Yes, at this age, still young. What's more, I believe the day I think I am fully equip with the knowledge; if that day arrive, it is the day I am supposed to die or I am no longer needed in this world. Why? We are here in this world for something, for a reason. People who fail to see the reason of living will have no reason to live. And as long as we’re here living, we then shall find the reason.

On a lighter note, I am really young….always…at heart.

Besides me, the science in Malaysia itself is young.

Today, there is an article in a newspaper stated that the number of Science steam students in Malaysia is decreasing. The statement is not shocking news to me. I will not start the blaming game but I will say that we do not have an optimum system to support the cause of our education system for the future generation. This means that the system that we have now just let it get by without realizing it soon enough whether the trending is going south or north or the benefit of going for it.

Let me give a few examples of the havoc that we have been dealing so far.

Not so long ago when I was one of the pupils, out of sudden the headmaster of the school announced that because the ministry wants more science stream student, thus, there will be an element of science in one of the primary school subjects. My batch then was that guinea pig batch.

Then, when I was a student in a university, suddenly there was a statement that the country didn't have enough engineers. In order to accommodate the need, we shall have them passed after 3 years. After sometimes, there were too many engineers. Down the road, it was lacking again.

Another time, there was a statement of not enough accountants and thus, more students studying in this area were recruited. The same cycle repeated.

Then there were rumors of neglecting Art stream students where History or Literature or Acting is part of the subjects. This was followed with months of discussion openly in the newspaper until it was dying off.

Those situations showed that there was no proper planning of the system. I believe that in Mathematics courses there is one subject where we can project the future trending. If it ever difficult for a graduate in business to evaluate it manually, we have computer science expert for that purposes.

The latest example of this situation is the nurses who had graduated but without jobs. Prior to this, our country was said to be in shortage of nurses. Many schools start offering the course and at the end, no one is taking them in.

Just a reminder, no blaming but we shall come out with a solution.

To study science is not an easy task. As a science stream student, I spent more time in classes compared to my peer who took Art stream. I still vividly remember that while we Science stream students had to attend extra classes in Biology, the Art students were attending extra drama classes for year-end school performances.

At the end of the day, as a PhD holder, I only make quarter compared to them who some work managing other people’s money. One of my friend who shifted from the Science Stream to do accounting for her degree spent quarter of the year last year visiting other countries with her husband, just for sightseeing. I, in the mean time had to fight with my ex-boss who thought that I didn't deserved the rank because I just a basic science lecturer among the dental/medical lecturers, that to even with a PhD degree. When it comes to the new government scheme, the pay offered (before being review) was much less then the dental/medical lecturers. Theirs come with extra allowance which the basic science lecturers can only dream of.

If the country wants more students in Science stream, the perk of being one at the end of the day must be very good. I will not suggest that anyone go for science except they want to do medical, dental or engineering. Other than that, you’ll have a long way to go before getting the PhD and be at the best of you. If not, just do it for the sake of loving the science and see where it will take you forward. The system now has a very minimal effect in supporting your interest.

Too costly for a drink!

2012-02-01T15:33:00.002+09:00

Thank God! It was over. The waterdrainage from my body due to foodpoisoning or shouldI say, “Ice poisoning” at the end, stop.

Out of a good intention to makeamend with my housemate who I had a disagreement over some sillymisunderstanding, we went out for a tea. Well, to a well established cakehouse, one of Malaysia successful franchising branch in KB. I wanted to havethe cake plus the chocolate ice drink with a lot of cream on top of it. Theother two were Okay with hot drinks.

Feeling full and sleepy, I slept after Maghreb prayer. But bymidnight, the stomach started to show its tantrum. Finally, the whole nightswas spent waking-up and throwing-out while visiting the toilets in between andthen get back to sleep, the cycle were repeated a few times. I guess the timethat I’ve spent in the toilet that night was more than I did in a week.

But it was a good and well maintained restaurant, argued me. Eventhe mineral water cost so much.

Since I only had breakfast at home, without lunch, there shouldnot be any other way that my stomach gets contaminated other than the icedrink. The other two friends were not affected and yet we had shared all thefood. Thank God that they didn’t want to taste my drink with the yummy cream.

I shall make my drink at home next time. It is too dangerous toeat out too often even though for a good reason at a good place. You might getsue for nothing by your own mate if she thinks that you want to poison herafter an argument! (^_~)

The day job lover

2012-01-30T11:27:00.002+09:00

Last week I went to see a professor who happened to be my father’s friend. An unlikely friend considering that my late father was a farmer. To cut the long story short, they became friends through my second cousin who worked with the professor before he was a professor.

Without digressing any further, let’s jump to the main story.

Since the professor was in KK for his work appointment, we set a time to meet up. He had genuinely shown his interest in the progress of my work since I started my PhD. And as a lecturer, one of the ‘must’ thing that we need to do is to write articles, well, we are supposed to generate knowledge besides the teaching. This one, not many people understand it, even the so called lecturer themselves. Anyway, as expected, the article writing and scientific publications became the main topic of our conversation.

But somehow out of the blue, he deviated from the main topic and asked me a queer question, ‘Are you happy with your work?’

It did stop me for awhile, I mean, I did take a few second to think before shooting him back with the answer, the diplomatically one.

From there onwards, all the other matters that pop out from our discussion didn’t interest me as much since I kept asking myself, ‘Am I happy with my work?’

Surprisingly, I was very much happy with my work and the thought made me asking the simple question again and again, and even seeking the answer from the deep down of my heart.

It's the worry of loving the WORK so much that made me keep repeating the Q unnecessarily. As much as I want, I can’t even answer the ‘why’ question. Why I love my job?

If it is because of the pay, comparing to my colleague who came in as a ‘doctor’ with only their bachelor degree, they are making much more than me. The workload is heavy, though not so much on the lifting all the heavy things or making more coffees, heavy in the sense of doing the thinking part.

Finally, I guess the job come to me naturally because this work allows me to think more than doing. The doing maybe just in the reading and writing, which both fall into the hobby category of mine, besides cooking and fishing. Basically, the things that I do now (that I consider work) are things that I do when I don’t work.

Is this healthy, to love your daily job so much? I don’t know. I think I am supposed to keep the day job just to earn money for living, not to love it. Only artiste have the privilege to play around with their hobby to earn a living. Maybe I am wrong.

Chin-up and no worry!

2011-12-31T11:35:00.000+09:00

We’re there. The new year of 2012 is comingafter today’s midnight.

Many things had taken place during the lastone year. All; good or bad, had somehow affected our life.

In our family, thelast two elders, a pair of husband and wife sister and brother-in-law of mygreat grandfather, had went away to meet their Maker. They were separated in this world for about 2months apart when she was the first to be called. I can understand but would never fill his shoes the agony he wentthrough after she passed away. Surely,there must be a big blank in his life since she was there for him for about 60years. Anyway, their passing did left a big blank in my life since I was very close to both of them. They were always there to cheerish me; as simple as whenever I came back for holidays from boarding school, they would came for visits and would always brought something, that's the way they showered me with love. Such a love that I would never forget.

Anyway, thank God, I am very much contentwith myself now. Yes, there are many unsettled things but then again, we shall bethankful for many other things. Looking at the bright side of life or beingoptimistic is a way to live happily in this world. I’ve accepted the fact oflife that life is not always fair and we can never get all that we want. Theleast that we can do is to face the obstacle, take it in stride and then keep walking. There willbe scar if we’re hurt, but the scar will only become big if we put it under oureveryday life radar and keep looking at it using the microscope or even under the cheapmagnifying glass.

Be happy guys, we’re still alive! Keep our chin-up and run over the troubles!

Conscience and friendship are at war!

2011-12-13T12:27:00.000+09:00

We are having problem. ‘WE’ here means my conscience and the ‘logic me’ are at the cross road of deciding of which to define. It involved two friends and a condition.

What would you say if after you write two proposals, one accepted and the other was rejected; were combined together with some alteration by someone else (a friend – and without your knowledge), BUT, almost 70% of it is similar, just change the material, submitted and approved by the higher authority? You, on the other hand was not even acknowledge and don’t know about it, a thing, until someone else mentioned it.

I will surely piss off. It was like robbing an intelectual property.

I still can’t stomach that a friend can do that to another friend.

The ‘friend’ equation in me is still trying to negotiate that probably it was untrue or if it was true, the second chance shall be given.

But the ‘principle’ me is shouting, “That’s it! Finito!”

Pity them both.

One seems to loss the integrity and also a friend in the quest of ............ (I don't reall sure here!)

The other is mending a heartache of knowing that a friend is no longer can be considered a ‘close friend’.

Above all, the ‘middle-friend’ lost sleep because of this and yet, no one pitied. Hey! Can I say that I am the real victim in this case?

Ops! The conscience whispered, “Narcissist!”

Monster in the net...

2011-11-28T19:29:00.003+09:00

Internet has been one of the things that people cannot live without. But we forget that we have been too dependent on it. This ‘dependent’ sort of thing make us easily frustrated if something unpredictable happens.

The holiday work surf on last Friday morning to google the relevant articles related to my research area turn out to be the biggest surprise to date. My research proposal was published, in pdf form, readily to be read and downloaded and at that time point was uploaded just 20 hours before.

Somehow, somebody had managed to create an empty account, and linked it to the famous fb account of my student.

Well, the proposal which was supposed to be a secret had been emailed to her, once. She downloaded it to the office computer to be printed. That’s the leaked, if it was to be believed.

But if people can cheat on the identity online, then nothing is impossible nowadays.

The naivety inside me would never think that this could take place.

Be very afraid people; be very afraid of the net!

Rain but not that 'Rain'....

2011-11-23T10:34:00.000+09:00

Kelantan is at war again with ‘banjir’ or flood. Everyone seems to be talking about the ‘raining cats and dogs’ affair. Just like the casual conversation that goes, “How’ the weather?” in the ‘My Fair Lady’ scripted dialog.

Nevertheless, I am enjoying it.

I did stroke more than just a morning hi and evening bye with our cleaner lady and asked her about the situation at her area. She too candidly talked about her house in Tanjung Merak where the water seemed to be on rise.

These things (talking), both of us never did.

Just wish that nothing bad will happen to anyone. Take a good care of oneself and leave the rest to Him.

Opps...That Rain in the title is referred to the Korean singer with the same stage name.

Me, badwoman?

2011-11-21T12:29:00.001+09:00

I felt bad.

I had to ask my senior colleague that initially was invited to be part of the research grant application if she wanted to stay or not for the new application. Well, for that part there was nothing to feel bad about.

Alright, the whole story went like this - the previous grant was rejected. Thus, we were looking at the new opportunity to fund the research. This new one needed us to fill in our CV in their database which means internet. All of us, except her, had previously had done the part.

So, what had I done? I asked her even knowing that she just fractured her one of her bone of the forearm and of course not being able to type. Wow!

I felt bad.

Size really matter

2011-11-20T12:03:00.002+09:00

Who else can I blame for my ballooning size? It’s all because of me being too comfortable in eating. Alhamdulillah but at least I need to remember that bigger in size doesn’t reflect healthiness. Got to do something about this…

Letting you go....(II)

2011-08-16T13:16:00.000+09:00

I am old, old enough to judge the right from the wrong. But then again, right and wrong is just a perspective, a view of a person. We will never get the same view even if we are looking at a same thing. And this brought forward the point that an idea of a person, it will never be identical even if it is among those living under one roof. This eventually led to the argument on who is who, the one to be blamed. At the end, there is no end.

I have to accept it, that we have grown apart. Things that we used to be fond of, movies that we used to watch, life that we used to share are no more the same.

As much as I tried to let things take it turn into a shape that I could cope, it never happened. We cannot keep holding on to the past. It was gone with every second pass.

Hurting each other in every sense, that’s we are now. No more laughter. No more smile.

I am letting it go, with love. Though I know I will miss you, wholeheartedly, but I dare not to hurt you anymore.

Cool off, please...

2011-07-12T15:57:00.000+09:00

As I said in the earlier post, an academician shall be an inspirational individual. Well, probably I shall back out of that.

I lost my ‘coolness’ this morning. And it leaves a vile taste in my mouth and heart.

It was just a straightforward PCR experiment but having a grown-up student with no background in any way in molecular biology techniques, all that I can say was “muzukashi”. Whatever that I can do at the moment was to control myself and then, asked her out of the lab for few days. She was probably under stressed as well having to do things that had never been done. This break also means that both of us can have our own calm-down moment.

Being harsh on her was not the intention. I was a foreigner once in Japan, a foreign student and it is one of the reason I am being very patient with her. With the social class as someone with high position among her own community, not being able to conduct the experiment for her probably is considered as a letdown.

But then again, I can’t be selfish on her behalf just because she is new in this country. I do have other student to look for. The reagents can be depleted in a second, but to get the funding can take as long as years.

But no, I am not giving up as yet on her. I just want her to stop trying too much. PCR sometimes work in a wondrous way. It might work one day and fail in another. Let her cool off and for me, I want to do the troubleshooting by myself now. If it is a technique, then let we finalized the deal before she jump into the river knowingly that she cannot survive the watercourse.

God, please help both of us!

Much Ado About Colors

2011-07-03T11:22:00.002+09:00

Malaysia has always been allied with colors. We have colorful ethics, with colorful cultures, with colorful music, dances, languages and etc. The list can go last as long as from the international border of Perlis to the end of sea border of Sabah.

This last two weeks, again the colors became the talk of nation.

Yesterday, I took an express bus from Alor Setar to Kota Bharu. While going down from the bus for a lunch break, the driver said something, “Nasib baik tak ada yang pakai baju kuning. La ni bahaya kalau pakai baju kuning.” Luckily no one wears yellow shirt. It is dangerous nowadays to wear yellow shirt. That statement was followed with laughter.

Ignorant I was I can’t even grasp the meaning of it till I saw three short stops of the men in blue throughout the journey.

Late afternoon, a FB friend mentioned something regarding her broadband lines where the blue and green were being too slow, and thinking if she shall changed for yellow band.

Me? I don’t know. I am thinking about getting a master student, start the research soon, purchasing reagents and what shall my next question to cikli be?

Much ado about colors, no, I have no other preferences at the moment. Purple is yet the unsurpassed. Even though my primary teacher once alleged there was no purple color of the sky, I was able to witness it many times.

Roling out the idea

2011-06-14T17:08:00.000+09:00

Idea! That’s the main role of academia. It’s not just about molding the next generation but the best thing about being an academic personal is to have and come out with an idea. By doing just that, we, the academicians, are becoming the learning institute, but not the buildings of the institute.

An academician is supposed to mold a younger age group to be successful, give ideas as freely as water out of the new pipe, encourage and become a role model.

An old professor in this campus managed to impress me. He has tons of charisma. He waltz his way through the research field of herbs and yet able to stay smart and on top of that, he looks just as brilliant; which is by not wearing the ordinary scientist’s look. Ideas runs freely out of his mouth, at no extra charge.

I just wish that I too can grow old, wise and happy. Being a scientist is a way of me to help the public. I might not be able to reach that in my lifetime, but I wish God will help me to help others. Though I can't do anything on the 'look department', but as long as nice thing is said about me, Ok lah! (^_~)

Grading system again?

2011-06-09T12:20:00.001+09:00

As a person we need to stop grading our self or others. Well, the grading systems have start since schooling days but let us leave it to the exam paper marking only, not human. It’s not humane to evaluate another human when it comes to life perspective, that’s God territory. Male or female, we are all Homo sapiens. On top of that, we are His entire servant. No need to prove anything, since no one has ever successfully brought back the death, not even zombie, so let’s call it a day.

Why I am blabbering here? The Obedient Wife Club’s statement of course!

No individuals are ever the same with one another. To put all women as one group and flocking it together is not the right way to do it. To say that one wife is obedient than another because they serve their husband sexually better, that’s also inappropriate. Well, that’s my opinion. Can they thing out of the box, as example, what if the husband is paralyzed from neck to toe? Then they wife is not first-class wife because no sex service is needed there. Besides, not all man is only looking for sex. It is not as easy as that to surmise the other person thought.

There are men who choose not to marry yet because there is thinking about the responsibility to bring up the family. Even some of them thought that polygamy is not are privileges but a HUGE responsibility. No, this do not come from Aidil of Nur Kasih fame, it was a comment from a cousin. There goes the myth that all man is looking for more than one wife/ partner. Probably some are, but the main point here is NOT all.

It was a bizarre proclamation to put up and moreover, giving such statement is only degrading woman as well as man; hope that they can make some amend before the reputation of the club goes beyond reparable.

The blue ocean of mine

2011-05-26T15:57:00.000+09:00

Here, I am my man where I work according to my agenda and one day, I shall find my niche. Niche! That's the word which dashed through my mind once I read a summary on 'The Blue Ocean". The one word love to be uttered by some of the higher management team of the institution. Well, they have their point. It's not easy to be or wanted to be the best but at the end of the day, it's the ground people who need to be counted.

Unfortunately, the ground people is me, one of them.

By saying so, I am in need to search for a niche where I can do my research successfully and will be able to claim that I am the best. Well, is that the definition of the niche or it is the correct 'Blue Ocean strategy? I hesitate on that. Or perhaps I may be wrong and should digest the reality of life to understand all about the ocean.

The main blue ocean strategy is to create a new market or new area or uncontested niche where they will be no other contestant. The idea is creating something new but shall be in demand.

How one do that?

If I look back at a conversation with my former supervisor, Hosoi, long time back, I gathered from our discussion that he did not actually create a new area of research. In his idea, if he wanted to be amongst the most remembered scientist, plus the Nobel Prize receiver, he needed to seek an opportunity to do research on something that can last long and in demand - the other words to say, as long as he was the patriarch of the department. That was one of the reason he did the aquaporin project and projecting all the money on AQP5 of salivary gland since he was a professor of a dental school. His initial thought was that the research area would be the in-thing for another 15 years or so. The upshot of his strategy was that before his retirement day arrived, he almost reached the goal of being one of the best in the field. By being mentioned as one of the well-known scientist in AQP5 field in a website had made him proud. His complacency was proven when he did email me about that.

How about me then? What's my blue ocean? I am not very sure about it at this point of time. Many things are hanging in my mind which implied by my involvement in various projects which were quite diverse. Well, I am still at the entry-level status. I am still swimming on the surface of an ocean. We'll see soon if there is any need to recast the research proposal.

Mind the Attitudes

2011-05-24T18:30:00.002+09:00

Well, I went to Mecca to perform the umrah. Came back here almost two weeks. I was happy that I did went there but I can't explained the reason behind it. Scorpio never really tell the whole truth when they explained something regarding their inner feeling. But please, it was never a lie, but only they can't reach for the correct sentences (or so I thought).

People always talk about serenity to be near His house but for me, the place had a sense of intimacy, like I belong to it. On top of that, it was very different from what I thought when I saw it in a picture or film.

Anyhow, nevermind about that.

Since coming back, I felt a bit tired and calm. Too calm that I began to panick but nothing happened, just the usual deep thinking Naba on work again.

Besides, the mind had stated to build a new set of attitudes.

Ready?!

From what I gather from reading the Al-Quran (translational of course!), if God wanted to do something, He will, with all His might.

So, if He had decided something good will happen, it will, and vice versa if it is something bad. My point is that I need not worry too much. Let's leave it all to the All Mighty. We just do our job as best we could, pray that it will turn out to be good at the end of the day (as we want it to be) then leave it to Him.

The monster within.....

2011-04-20T17:53:00.000+09:00

After months, here I am again, blogging. Life has been good, with more responsibility as human being, daughter, sister, friends and colleague.

An excuse for me to be here is just me missing the blogging world. This blog of mine had become a part of me for the past four years, bested (if this word ever exists) of best friends, and it was hard to let go.

Looking back in a very constructive standpoint of the past six months, I knew that accomplishing the degree was the best thing that ever occurred. Nonetheless, it had unleashed the other part of me who had been under the constraint for the good four years. The heat of the atmosphere of my beloved country had added to the unbearable strain which left the mind paralyzed. The monster finally had successfully taken over my body and flew it to the hell of unknown emotions. But then again, I thank God. The G factor had brought me back to the smelly earth that I love so much.

Yes, it was the G factor all along that brought me back.

A simple me

2011-01-23T12:55:00.001+09:00

I am not an angel and not even having a tiny angel-like personality. But I would like to believe that I am not dreadful either. Preferably, I would settle for an average human being, neither good nor bad.

Thus, I do have limit. Please never underestimate my anger or the patience. At the moment, I am trying the best to be the better person.

I wish I have all the courage to say, “I am done with you!” But then again, there is a small voice keeps insisting on the value of a relationship.

I wish that life could be a little simpler.

Bend It Like Me?

2011-01-12T12:05:00.003+09:00

There was a single incident that still played strongly in my mind though it happened almost a decade ago, something to do with football, Britain and the Aussie visitors.

During one fine day in a meeting room of Human Genome Centre, I was sweating profusely as the honorable Aussie visitors from Adelaide University was about to reach the department and I would be the one giving the welcoming talk; a short introduction of the department and the school. Nonetheles, being rehearsing the presentation for the xth times, I was ready, or thought so.

Once they made the entrance the atmosphere was very serious and there I was standing and blabbing, remembering every words.

“As for the training, at the moment, we have a student studying in the Manchester United…..”

Silence.

Opss…

“Manchester University.”

Laughter.

The Aussie Professor smiled for the first time, “Everything is about David Beckam nowadays.”

“Yes, Bend It Like Beckam.”

Work but no work blues...

2010-12-01T11:35:00.000+09:00

Sometimes, I might sound pompous. Oh! Well, most of the time actually. But since this was happening once more time, it really drive me nut. Oh! Please stand by me, a self-importance little woman who think that she was so bored with her life. The one and only raison d'être was that she thought she was underwork (though always underpaid?) which out of sudden instill a need for her to go all out searching for work to be done.

But then, don’t get me wrong. I am a well paid worker who has been working with this company for the past 8 years.

Prior to a life in Japan as a student, the working life had never been so undemanding. My former boss was a workaholic surgeon with responsibilities more than the average people can handle. Since he was able to do more things, he had a similar anticipation on me, and most of his subordinates. Thus, to stop and smell the roses was a luxury in those days. Then Japan came, which life pattern was nothing new to the whole world. They eat, drink and sleep with one word only throughout the life, WORK! The 8 years training left me with no choice but to think that life is all about filling your day with work, not just simply to attend the work place.

Therefore, this ‘me’ found that the pace of my work was too slow creep a hell out of me. Moreover, the free time (during work hours) gave me enough time to wonder into ideas where one of it was I’ve started counting money of other people bank’s account. Ops! Sorry. That is an in-house joke about a particular housewife who we speculate had spent her free time counting the money of the students with scholarships since she was well aware of other people expenditure. Easily said, I’ve started to wonder other people life which is against my principle. I can feel that I have become so negative that my DNA (which is also negatively charge) was coming out of my body, in view of the fact that two objects with same charge experience a mutual repulsive force. Oh!

So, what do I do?

Well, I need work. I create one.

I asked a dental master student of another lecturer whose project was co-researched with me to come for a little introduction tutorial. Not only that, I had volunteered to teach two laboratory’s technician on the basic of molecular techniques. Besides, I did volunteered to review a few articles intended for a book publication.

I lied. Those were not just one work.

The list is growing by second.

I just wish somebody will come along and stop me before I am overload again. Probably asking me for water skiing in Langkawi will do for the time being.

New guy on the block

2010-11-03T01:05:00.001+09:00

Move aside MekDi. Here comes MatB, Mat SalaiB. This Mat B is seing taking his place slowly but confidently around stores in front of KK Campus. And the first one that I bought tonight was the Mat Beef. Suprisingly, the cook added enough black pepper sauce and mayonnaise plus the regular chillie sauce which of course brought out a different taste. An alternative choice besides Ramly's, I guess.

Adaptation is the word

2010-10-30T20:22:00.001+09:00

My friend on FB suggested that adaptation is the right word and steps for me at the moment. We difinitely speak the same language.

I believe there is a thing we called adaptation. It is a process of fitting in. In my case, it is basically about to find my niche in a place that I used to have a roof of my own. It was about 4 years that I left this place. But now, I am behaving like a fish out of water.

It never crossed my mind that coming back was so hard. And it was not that I never come back this place at all. I was here twice in four years time. It now occurred to me that I underestimated the power of belongings. Probably, time do have the ability to change the environment plus the people themselves.

I know it's the matter of time that I can feel at home again. But somehow, I am a slow learner with a big trait of being impatient, not a good collaboration though. And a hard one to please oneself.

So, the first step that I took was to arrange for my car to be sent here and thus I can roam around Kb once more. Other than that, I will start some new experiences, such as, design a small japanese style garden or go to school again. Not the science class, but some religious class of maybe trying to stitch my shirt. The list will goes on by time. I just need to be more patient.

Nothing out of nothing.....

2010-10-20T16:20:00.000+09:00

Life has been so good that I forget the heat of the sun shining through the blue sky of Malaysia. Nevermind the heat; since eating, talking and laughing out loud have become a regular thing, everyday, life is great! Gone the day where Naba only talk five sentences a day, it was a history though the past was not very far behind.

For that, I only has one thing to say; thank God for the good life.

But then again, I was threading on a thin line when food and BFF were the subjects. For the past few days, I almost lost it; the coolness of being Naba. Although being Naba is about stay cool, but being Naba also means you can be the worrying soul who eat other souls to be strong, just like the Pedang Setiawan comic or internationally known as Storm Warriors. OMG!

Having rice as a source for nourishment for breakfast, lunch and dinner is like living in heaven but not when body weight and health are your main concern. The same goes when your BFF was in the midst of getting a life partner, the feeling tossed in between sadness and happiness. All in all, everything seemed so confused as if I have been smothered by a thick blanket.

Anyway, at the end...I choose to think positively which is about controlling the mind since everything is all about the mind's perspective. And the perspective could be very vary from a person to another.

I shall brave the storm because I think that it just another type heavy rain. Afterall, I should think that it was just a drop of water in an ocean.

I am home...

2010-10-01T15:21:00.000+09:00

Thank God...The short journey had came to an end. The few final days in Japan was celebrated with my mother, my best friend (Ina) and few friends of Japan, Indonesian and Malaysia origins.

As usual, all bad and good things will come to an end. I will always treasures the memories and the friendships.

Thank you.

Raya is coming to town with Ila

2010-09-08T06:23:00.000+09:00

All of them went home, only a handful left behind because this time it was a summer holiday for the undergraduate students. So, I can only expect a small number of guest for Hari Raya gathering. Luckily, Ila agreed to come down tomorrow morning from Tokyo and spend the Raya celebration with me. Nothing much that I can plan for us to do, but to have a family, even only one of them in here, is joyous to the max.

Well, since I don't have anything to do in the lab (not a lab's rat anymore!!!), I can see myself suddenly missing from the lab and turn into a full time baker/ chef. Two cakes are now in my mind waiting to be bake into reality. And many, many other Malaysia delicacies, which I will try to get the recipes right, which also means the googling will start tonight. Just wish that it all will turn out alright.

Tomorrow, the day will start early since I will be going to pick Ila up at the bus station. Voila!

End of life...

2010-09-01T13:31:00.001+09:00

Life flies as fast as time and it will never return to the same start anymore, never. The end of life means death and it wait for no body, that’s what I learned yesterday.

Many times my posts touched about the death of the close ones in my big fat family but, so far, death only took away the elders. However, yesterday, I was snap back to the reality which reminds me one thing that I should always remember, death was never afar.

Around 6.30 pm yesterday, the cousin, single man, in his early 40’s, succumbed to stroke.

He was not always around for his work took him away but once awhile he made his way to heart of the family. His mother, the fragile Mak Lang, just lost her husband last year and now it was her son.

I can’t imagine the pain any parents would adhere to lay their child to the grave.

From Allah we come, to Him we’ll return.

Orchid X

2010-08-25T21:54:00.001+09:00

This summer proved to be too hot to think of anything to write or in other words it was simply the excuse of being lethargic and a cipher who live just to enjoy the life. It probably the unsavoury way celebrating the end of my journey here in Japan, but I would like to think it as a way to rehabilitate my little grey cells, as Mr Poirot, the famous Belgian detective of Agatha Christie creation would say. This week was really the end since I had sent the copies of dissertation (a thinner version of a thesis) for binding and the galley proof for the article that will be published soon in a scientific journal based in USA were received. For the article, it was nothing of grand, but for me as a small fish in a sea of scientists, it was a big success. God had granted my wish.

Enough about me; we do miss the orchid, didn't we?

The orchid was not making their entry to the lab as many as they did during the previous season. Probably summer was just too hot to handle. Anyway, he did brought in a small lovely orchid known as benishusuran (japanese) or Goodyera macrantha, maxim. At the first sight, it looked like a wild plant that we can find anywhere near the bushes. However, if we look closer, the flower did resembled the famous 'slipper'.

In this post there were two pots of flower. The wild type was the one with white colour and the other, the pinkish flower, was the mutated orchid.

The real deal....

2010-08-16T04:49:00.000+09:00

There he was, wading through the crowd while taking a peek at the seat number on the tickets at hand. Alone, by the way. I was curious, thinking about his wife. Standing at the upper end of the stairs in front of the city hall, I waved at him. Ten second later, his eyes catched me and saw the sheepish smiled. I brushed it off, the fasting me said that it was too much to indulge at that moment. I simply signaled him the right entrance out of the four in front of us before walking down the stairs to join him. Curiosity took the better of me and I asked about his wife, who he said when to pick the dinner boxes. Later, Nagata sensei joined us, coming along with J's family; daughter, father and mother. He then insisted that the rest of us to go in first and he would waited for the wife. At the end, it was a real deal. The much waited Awa odori started.

A little too early.....(Awa Odori festival 2010)

2010-08-12T21:38:00.000+09:00

I should have spanked myself hard just now and then laughed out loud to cover the silliness. The fact is, I don't know what have gotten into me, perhaps a little too much rest a.k.a sleep?

This afternoon, after preparing chicken tika masala using sauce which was brought by Ina last time she visited me, off I cycled to the Tokushima Station. Besides making a stop at the Jupiter shop to get some international food items; i.e., my favourite tortilla crackers, the main reason was to join datuk, his better half, and their entourages watching Awa dancing - a special dance during Awa odori festival – which was a famous summer dancing festival of Tokushima. Well, I made my way to the entrance as we had agreed previously and after waited for a while, I called his mobile phone. Can you guess the embarrassment I caused myself when he said the date would be tomorrow afternoon, not today?

Oh! This event had brushed my egoistic self and blew away any subsistence of the proud me. *At this point, I started rolling my eyes.*

Not to waste the day, I walked around strolling the bicycle, taking pictures here and there before came home for iftar.

Salam Ramadhan

2010-08-10T11:13:00.000+09:00

Personally, as a Muslim, I feel that Ramadhan is the best month of the year. Can't wait!

I wish everybody, Salam Ramadhan....\(^_^)/

The Lalaland....

2010-08-07T10:21:00.000+09:00

Since I'll say bye-bye to the Land of arising Sun soon, I took some time off to visit Ila in the most expensive city in the world. Or is it still is? Anyway, that was also an excuse for us to go to the Lalaland.....

Ironically yours

2010-08-05T17:04:00.003+09:00

I am happy.

About 90 percent of the works here had been done, and for the next 10 percent, the oral examination by middle of next week. In the Commonwealth countries, this is the hardest part of the study where all the hard works will be judged during this single meeting, and by discussing over a compiled book known as a thesis.

Contrary to the previous mentioned regulation, the final oral examination in most Japan universities is only a part of a few requirements. One of it is to have articles publish in peer-reviewed journals. In my case, since the article contains all the research data had been peer-reviewed, the datuk considered that this oral exam is just sort of formality. Bien entendu, the thought was personally his.

I keep my nervousness deep down the heart, and waiting anxiously for the day.

To think about it, how ironic is the feeling at the moment?

For you...Tere Liye!

2010-08-03T16:42:00.005+09:00

At times, we meet love in order to deny the very existence of it and live a life grappling to the fact that we have been loved once. It is hard to remain true to the feeling for so many lives that may be affected but somehow, because of love we hide the weeping grimace and laugh at life as nothing really does matter in this world.

It is a gift, greatest gift from God, love, that is. And such gift is always having two faces of it, written in the destiny. For those who are lucky in love, there are many who are not, thus cherish the love!

The Lalanews in Lalaland with Ila...

2010-08-03T11:30:00.000+09:00

On August the first, last week-end; I was in Lalaland with Ila. Both of us were amongst the ones crowding the place and making the owner richer by the tiniest percent. But that was not the point; we were having the summer blast under the shining sun on this land of arising Sun as if no one mind to be broiled alive by the heat. The grandeur of the place with the majestic building signature of Lalaworld with familiar background music playing non-stop sent both of us to the world of cartoon.

Regardless, it was not the only thing that made my heart jump in and out that day.

There were 2 missed called of 15 minutes apart, 2 voice messages from the dearest datuk.

The first voice mail asking me to go to the lab, more discussion on the will be written article; he was pushing the limit of the regulation for my sake but enough to sully the atmosphere of that moment.

I can’t go. I was in the Lalaland.

The heart beats and I was adamant of not going no matter the reason.

Move to his second voice mail, I heard a word, ‘Accepted’. The article that I wrote for a journal was accepted for publication and therefore, no need for me to write another one. No need to meet him!

Out of sudden, he was my life saviour. Two calls of 15 minutes apart.

The day was really the Day, a Lalanews, with Ila in Lalaland.

Kingdom of boredom?

2010-07-30T13:25:00.000+09:00

Idle.

That is the best word that I can think of to describe the recent life. It does not go forward or backward, or so to speak. It is like having started the engine of a car, and just that, the car is left to idle.

The idling, however, caused a problem; boredom.

I love living a life without much to think about; just make sure to move your butt to the lab, sit in front of the laptop the whole day, eat, drink, talk and finally go home and sleep. Of course, after working very hard for 42 months, this is very much treasured.

But then again, human is a very complicated species in the animal kingdom. Even if we have had everything, we will still in need of everything.

Boredom vexed me somehow.

Frozen food online

2010-07-22T09:30:00.000+09:00

Understanding has to be seek and that's one of my love of life. Besides human, I love to know how things work. Yes! I am full of curiosity.

Because of that, again, I thanks Google for having language translation button which can traslate language of any website and for now, Japanese website is the one that I need to look into.

With that button, many things had been bought. And yes, how can a woman disassociate oneself with shopping but at one time, it's all about purchasing food, online. During one particular week, I experimented with buying frozen foods online, pizzas and curry. It's all started with my curiosity to understand the succesfullness of this kind of services in Japan. It is reasonably easy to figure out on sending purses or clothes by mail, but frozen food? Is the taste really as good as the shop claimed it to be? How about doing it in Malaysia?

After clicking the buy button, I waited for the parcels to reach me at my house on early Saturday morning which I had instructed the shop to do so, simply by fill-in the the form of the website during the buying processes. Both pizzas and curry were from two different shops, and each using different courier service. I chose these two shops because they had offered week end delivery with no shipping cost but moreover, discounted prices - about 1000yen - and the most important thing, those foods do not contained meat or alcohol as described in the ingredient available in their respective websites.

The three small sizes pizzas arrived first, in a box, each wraped carefully with plastic bag, still in frozen condition with cooking instructions. About 10 minutes later, the curry set arrived. It was also in frozen condition as if it just been brought out of the -20 degrees celcius freezer. I was impressed.

These showed that both courier services were very good in handling frozen items. And probably relatively cheap enough that the shops were able to offer free shipping to the customer, especially when both shops were located in Tokyo, about 10 hours bus ride to Tokushima and more than 1 hour by plane.

Three types pizzas just out from box

The curry set

Orchids IX

2010-07-20T11:11:00.001+09:00

This orchid is known as fu-ran in Japanese where fu is for wind and ran, orchid. Neofinetia falcata, an orchid that is originated from Japan is also called fukiran - orchid of wealth and nobles - which is famous during Shogun era amongst the samurai warriors.

My sensei, however, is a very artistic person when comes to orchid. He simply added another type of orchid in the same pot and if we do not look carefully, it might miss us. On the lower part of the furan root, there is Bulbophyllum japanicum (Makino) or in Japanese, miyamamugi-ran or mountain wheat orchid.

I surely would never noticed the small, red in colour flower if he do not come and asked me to look closely.

Takoyaki & satay party

2010-07-16T09:22:00.000+09:00

Unlike the other labs, my lab's members love eating. We can always find a reason or two to have a party. This time, it was about making takoyaki, a grilled ball of tako (octopus), sponsored by Hiroshima-sensei.

Batter prepared from a wheat flour and egg was put into each of the hole of the special cooking plate of takoyaki. Normally, it is cook on a open fire burner but this time we used the electric one.

The small cut boiled octopus was then added into each of the the batter.

Followed with chopped negi or onion leaves and minced cabbages. We also added some corn (maize).

After sometimes, the cook batter turn into ball, and should be turned around so that the upper part would also be cooked, which at the end made it into a ball shape. The hand with the chopsticks (hashi in Japanese) in the picture do not belong to me because besides eating, my chopsticks practise still do not allow me to use them for cooking.

Cooked takoyaki.

But, we should always shared the cultures and for that reason the Chicken Satay was prepared using the halal chicken bought through the net. Thanks again to the net, I found few websites with good instructions to prepare the satay and the satay's peanut sauces; Hanieliza and Mat Gebu's blogspots. Hiroshima-san brought along her newly purchased BBQ's plate (besides the takoyaki plate which her mother won from a BINGO game).

The chefs for the day of takoyaki section, from left, Jakhlan-san from Mongolia and Hiroshima-san.

Satay chef, Akamatsu-sensei on the left. Two girls on the rights, special food tasters; Saikhan, daughter of Jakhlan-san and moi.

See, how happy the chef was!

Later, the datuk and our lab manager/ technician, Matsuo-san joined us. Jakhlan was very impressed with the satay tasted that she requested the recipe; while Matsuo-san wanted to bring home the leftover of the satay sauce. He was thinking about having it with the grilled fishes with his family.

By the way, Hiroshima-san and I were thinking to have the takoyaki party once again.

p/s Hehehe! I smell something fishy in the air, but in a good way. Is somebody trying to secure someone heart? ;) I wish to hear the good news, soon?

Orchids VIII

2010-07-15T10:54:00.001+09:00

Last week, new types of orchids came to the lab and both were of Japan origins; Sediria japonica or know as nagoran in Japanese and Epipactis thunbergii or kakiran.

Nagoran means nago orchid because it was first discovered in Nago city of Okinawa Island while kakiran, persimmon orchid because the colour of it flower is similar to the persimmon colour.

Sediria japonica

Epipactis thunbergii

Hujan (Rain)

2010-07-12T08:24:00.000+09:00

Pabila hujan turun aku terkenangkan mu
Berlari-lari anak sekitar rumah kayu
Berkain separas lutut, bersama sebilah cangkul
Dan air laju membelah paritan kecil ciptaan mu

Sampai kini, aku masih terkenang
Pada rambut basah dan kulit sejuk milik mu
Tersenyum menghadap secawan kopi dan ubi rebus
Dan cerita seorang Pak Sako bisa berbicara bahasa haiwan

Pagi ini aku masih terkenangkan mu
Tatkala hujan renyai membasahi bumi asing
Moga hujan ini masih mampu membasahi mu
Biar sekujur tubuh itu diam bersemadi nun di sana, Ayah!

In memory of my late father....

Orchids VII

2010-07-09T15:54:00.001+09:00

During the last one month, many types of orchid made their ways to the lab but I was too occupied with the works to take time-off and smell the roses. But, for a few clicks of camera's button, there is always a time for that. (^_~).....

Enjoy!

Hectic end

2010-07-04T08:04:00.001+09:00

Last week had been a very hectic week with me trying to wrapped up the data for an article, had to contend with the rewriting and comments from fellow teachers and finally submitting trough the net. One can sometimes perplexes with the easiness of using net but at the same time the difficulties of using so many buttons to do a thing.

Anyway, as the end line consumer, one need to be grateful for whatever technologies provided. If only I was an entrepreneur, then it is something else altogether.

But, I digress.

The hectic world finally came to an end. As expected, a new request came from the datuk. He wanted me to do some more study, for him.

As usual, I relentless but gave in at the end, but with one condition, the new teacher will be the main researcher. It has to be her research, I am only helping. The verdict, a meeting between the 3 of us this coming Monday.

Today, I am off to another picnic session celebrating (or more of finishing the collected money) the end of soccer game tournament that we organized last May. It is going to be a fish and seafood (with a bit of lamb meat burger throw-in) in the menu.

While I am writing this, I am actually waiting for Shima's family. She'll be here any minutes. Sayonara!

Water & me

2010-06-25T08:57:00.001+09:00

I am a water type of person who like anything associates with water; e.g. fish, sea, river or aquarium.

An aquarium located in Kobe (Suma Aqualife Park) which I visited not a long time ago has a good collection of marine lifes, and I really enjoyed myself taking pictures of the sea creatures behind the glass plane.

Thus, one of the thing I wish to do after going home later is snorkelling, seeing those sea creatures living their life in nature.

Melancholy of an old knight

2010-06-16T12:12:00.003+09:00

Yesterday, a pizza party was organized to express my appreciation towards all the lab mates for their comments and ideas improving the research presentation that I did the last week. For having twice trial presentations where everyone offered their opinions and suggestions, the hard-worked should be celebrated. The big brother even drew the outlines for the slides and printed out a couple of articles, just in-case somebody asks a particular question. Of course it was their duty as a teacher but they are not always that generous.

As far as I can see, we hold a good rapport with each other and I shall be thankful for that.

“Azurina-san will go home by next September,” said datuk while in between sipping his favorite drink, whiskey, “I will be lonely.” Everyone around the table sat in silence as if we were having group’s meditation.

“I can’t wait!” I blurted, but as always only in my mind. I don’t want to be the artless little missy.

“J will go too afterward.” He continued, “I will then retire. Every day will be Sunday.” His shoulder drooped and there was a sign of distress when he mentioned retiring.

I felt for him. He showed an indefatigable feature when ever we discussed new research ideas but in life, there are things that irretrievable and age is one of those. Probably he just needed time to accept that retirement is rightfully his.

On the other hand, me, I just can’t wait to resume my life. Yes, it will be quite different from the one that I had before BUT, I just can’t stop thinking of driving my OWN car once again.

Research, fate and chain of reactions...

2010-06-14T11:03:00.001+09:00

Fumbled, stumbled and mumbled, all those things happened during　my final research presentation. I felt embarrassed thinking about it because at one point, I rephrased the same sentenced for three times and wasted the golden 20 seconds. Imagine the quiet hall and the reverberated sentenced.

As accustomed, the presenter would take a seat near the podium, thus, I can’t see who’s there who’s not. While the datuk was saying some kind words in Japanese introducing me as his student, I took a glance towards the audiences, and saw some familiar faces. Most of the international students were there, and Shima too. I was definitely happy to see them sitting amongst the audiences. In the foreign country, we aliens stick together. Besides Shima, a Malaysian, there were friends from Indonesia, Mongolians, Bolivia and China.

Amongst them, there were also professors who usually asked questions that were normally unanswerable. But then at that very moment I can’t feel my heartbeats racing anymore, indicated that my level of nervousness was above the normal limit which means, I went numbed. The good thing about it was it made me looked calm in the outside.

After the fumbled moments, I continued the presentation with a number of err in between words that I can remember and finally managed to finish just in time. It was a relieved, but for a while before I heard the questions from the two clinical professors. Both of them insisted that I gave them the clinical significant of my research. By insisted, I mean they asked different questions in hoping to get the same answer, ‘No clinical significant.’

I had never expected that. Actually, I always thought that Japanese scientists are opened-minded about research. The datuk did come to my rescue several times answering the queries on my behalf. After awhile, I felt that I was being bullied by these two professors. Probably they had an agenda pushing me to a brink to dishonor datuk. Office politics? Sigh!

The Q&A session that was supposed to finish in 10 minutes took another 20 minutes while during that time I tried my best to smile and not to put on my ‘What the heck?’ face.

When the datuk finally interrupted the last question on the ground that the time was over, I gave my best smile to one of the professor, Prof A, bowed while saying ‘I am sorry’. Out of the two professors, he was the one who were persistent about the research clinical aspects, which to everyone in the lab thought had no merit. I slept that night feeling heartache as his face and corrosive questions kept coming back haunting.

And yet, fate does love to play game with me. He sent the chain of reactions.

It was not that I never saw Prof A but he was never registered in the memory because we rarely meet.

Anyhow, the next morning, went I reached the front door of the clinic, the lift (elevator for Japanese) door located directly in front of the main door was wide opened as if it was waiting for me. Ding dong, on the second floor the lift stopped and the door opened. Outside the lift, Prof A was on the second floor waiting for the lift, with Nagano sensei, all smiling. I think he was also surprised seeing me because it took him a few seconds longer to step into the lift. With his eyes fixed on me, he asked, ‘You gave presentation yesterday? I was there.’

Like I don’t know. I retorted but only in my mind. All the while we were standing side by side; the petrified me only acknowledge him, saying ‘Hait!’ and return the smile.

Then, he I saw him again during lunch time, when he was rushing down the stairs. Again, when I was walking out of the building to the waiting car of my friend, Prof A, he was there standing next to the lift. And then, when the least I expected to see him, because the lab’s members (minus the datuk) brought me to a restaurant to celebrate the ending of my PhD research presentation, he was also there with all his laboratory’s members. They were celebrating the head department who received an award from the government. And finally, while walking to the car park, I saw him for the one last time that day coming out of the men’s room. What a spark of reactions! Probably the best served antidote?

The dancing butterflies

2010-06-08T09:56:00.001+09:00

Two more days, then I will be standing in front of the faculty delivering my talk of the research project that have been done in the last three and half years. Yes, butterflies have been dancing in my stomach.

My worries are the script, which is clearly not mined - contributed by the datuk for about 90% of it - and the questions. Since the script is not mine which make it harder to remember, there is something about the flow of thought, it is not there too, seemed a little awkward to say words which are not ours. But then, one has to bow when they need to bow. Regarding the questions; besides the unknown answer -which is easy to answer – is the way of the questions being posted. Based on my past observations, the professors have a strange way to ask easy questions. Therefore, I am afraid that I cannot understand the questions and embarrassed the whole department.

Just wish that everything will go smoothly.

Orchids VI

2010-06-05T09:58:00.001+09:00

I have to admit that I know nothing of orchids. Any imagination about them that I have in mind shall be re-arrange since yesterday. I met with a dwarf Amitostigma keiskei which height is less then 10cm. However, since they grow in alpine climate of Asian, no wonder I never met them before.

Introducing, Amitostigma keiskei.

A day with a friend...

2010-05-31T23:22:00.001+09:00

A friend took me to Hiwasa, about an hour from Tokushima city by car. It was a nice trip during early spring where sakura just started to bloom.

Hiwasa is famous as a place where turtles come the beach there to lay eggs. A museum/aquarium was built dedicated to the turtles, where we can learn so much about them. Geographical information about where turtles go to lay eggs can also be found there, even about turtles of Malaysia.

We then went to a castle and a temple. On the way back home, we stop somewhere along the way to go up a hill, a place where people of Tokushima built a monument of a warrior who happened to come to Tokushima many, many years ago.

Before she sent me home, we again stop. This time for a coffee (tea for her) and a pancake.

Beginning of an end...

2010-05-28T14:39:00.002+09:00

Now, at the edge of my time in this foreign country, a beginning of an end has started. Today, I will have my first trial presentation to the lab members. On the 10th of June, there will be a presentation of my work for the past years to the whole faculty members. The butterflies in my stomach are now working overtime . Hopefully, it won’t take away my sleep.

The end of the journey will be when my article is accepted by the publisher.

Regarding the paper, my Prof and I were much delighted when last two weeks we received a feedback from the editor saying that the reviewers were interested in our article and needed a few more control analysis to be added to the article.

Those requests sent me back to the lab and the rats.

But I am willing to do just that and then get my article publish. It will justify all the sweats and tears of mine.

May God bless us all!

Orchid V

2010-05-25T21:45:00.001+09:00

At first I thought it was a bouquet of plastick flowers, which turned out to be a vase of an orchid plant named Lycaste aromatica. The flower really stand for it's name since the whole room was full with the floral fragrance, sweet.

It really perk my mood to see this flower first thing on Monday morning up on the usual place after nothing was there for a few days. Besides, I was so down thinking about the numbers of killing that I need to carry out during this one month....really sound like a contract killer here.

A white purple dendrobium

And Dendrobium secundum....

Compare with this....

or this....

Orchids IV

2010-05-20T08:46:00.002+09:00

(Top) Shiran (Bletilla striata) is an indigeniuos orchid of Japan, a lady's slipper type (a pouch) but this one is a mutated plant with three slipper-shaped pouches. Interesting! (^_~)...

(Top) This plant belong to Lycaste genus flower.

Ah! Re-entry of Miyabi flower.........(^_^)

Make love, not war...

2010-05-13T21:44:00.002+09:00

Whoever say that those words are cliche probably have never understood the effect of war or weapons used on the people involved in the war.

Under the bright summer sun, we visited Hiroshima, the town which had witnessed the destruction caused by a weapon names atom.

The victims of wars are never the Generals, but the ordinary people.

The wound may heals itself, but the scar remains.

Please, make love not war!

O-bento for lunch

2010-05-12T18:45:00.000+09:00

This is the typical looked of nasi bungkus or lunch/dinner set in Japan that can be bought at stores or ordered from catering company (picture) and known as obento. The set comes in many size and prizes. As usual (for me), this one contained only seafoods, vegetables and small dessert. It cost around ￥1000. However, for the one with meat, the price normally a little expensive than this. Besides the tradional obento as in the picture, we may also find the western style obento consisted of hamburger, spaghetti or salad.

By the way, the ￥1000 obento is considered expensive and I only had this because I was part of the last summer symposium entourage. In the university co-op we can find a much cheaper version of obento which is less than ￥５００ but with a lesser number of food on the box; anyhow it is enough to make one feel full and taste just as delicious.

Orchids III

2010-05-10T13:12:00.001+09:00

The latest orchids in the room are another version of Lady’s slipper, Formosa’s Lady’s slipper (Cypripedium formosanum) and Dendrobium moniliforme ‘miyabi’.

Araregi

2010-05-06T10:07:00.000+09:00

‘Araregi’, that is how to say allergy in Japanese.

And because of the araregi, I was confined in the apartment for the last three days and missed golden-week holiday (spring holiday). The body temperature was up and down without noticed. The running nose added the misery as I can’t sleep well, it blocked the normal tubes used for inhalation and made me breathed through the mouth instead. Imagine the difficulty of waking up with dried mouth.

The first day was terrible because my right eye became red, as red as it can be; and I can see the swollen retina in the mirror, which terrified me the most. After taking paracetamol, vitamin C and drank enough warm water, I went to sleep. By night, the eyes were becoming less itchy.

The next two days, after went out, bought allergy pills and took them; I just rested in the room. What a holiday?

Back to the past in Bikan, Kurashiki

2010-05-01T09:44:00.001+09:00

About two years ago, my friends and I made a two days journey to a few places of southern part of Honshu Island. The last place that we went was of Bikan district in Kurashiki, Okayama. The place was keep to the original look with no electric poles around. Seemed like we were thrown back to the Meiji era. Enjoy the pictures...

Scent of a person...

2010-04-30T14:01:00.000+09:00

I am not primping sort of person but more to a rustic style. Nevertheless, one thing that I am particular about is a smell. Pleasant smell is a must for me; needless to say that one shall never overdo it with half a bottle of a perfume. A ghastly scent of a person will left an irrevocable impression of their personality.

My skin complexion is always complex that anybody can sees many dots on the face, in addition to the sun-burned type of color which does not help either. Simply put it, I am wearing entirely the common South East Asian looked. Nevertheless, how bad it may sound, I will not change anything. With that, I referred the changes of our late MJ or the ever young, Mrs. Kutcher. In this case, on top of me being contented with myself (really?), my finance department will never allow it.

Anyway, I digress.

I thank God that I am having a sinus problem at the moment due to spring. The idea of me has to withstand the not-so-good aroma coming from someone in this small place is terrifying. The pretty faces can surely bestowed tranquility to any eyes from afar as a perfume can deceived an odor. But none can smokescreen the strong scent of something (which I don’t know what) but probably a result of being not so clean. Maybe a simple bath or fresh clean clothes will help?

The beauty shall come as a package with cleanliness, and a good fragrance is an added bonus.

Oh! I am such a coward (of not telling the truth, start a war and do my nostrils an ample justice?)…!

You were loved and missed...

2010-04-28T13:23:00.004+09:00

In order to pursue my craving for knowledge, I left home about four years ago to be in Japan. However, two days before the journey took place, two of my beloved kinsmen, grandfather and step grandfather, left this world. The brunt of their departure made me distraught; nevertheless, my kin resented any idea of me retreated. Thus, my period of bereavement started with me adjusting my life in the new land.

Demise of the elder relatives is one of the news that I detested so much because it broke my heart, but it never stops coming.

Next thing I know, there were news of my grandmother, her sister in-law who live next door, her cousins, her friends, also of the paternal side and people who live in the same village; they went to meet their maker one after another.

Yesterday, a grandmother who was my mother's aunt and lived next door, she too passed away and that was only a few months before I go home.

I was there for them once in a blue moon when they were alive, but now I can't even be at their funeral. The thought did hurt so much.

Why do I care so much?

I am a traditional Malay village girl. Since I was 13 years old, either studying or working, I was always away. Yet, whenever there was opportunity arises, I would return home. And these were the people who would call upon me at home. They kissed me by the cheek likes I was a little girl they used to know. They pampered me with sweet and food made or bought. Although the word love was never been uttered, I felt that love was in the air.

I just wish that they know that they're loved and missed.

Ryokan with a garden

2010-04-28T08:08:00.000+09:00

There are something about Japanese garden that captivates me. Possibly the tranquility, peacefulness as well as earthly warmth which it bore whenever I am in ones.

Last autumn, in my desperate attempted to stay at a ryokan (Japanese Inn style) and experienced Japan, my friend and I booked an inn in Kyoto. It was located outside Kyoto suburb. At 8pm, we took a bus as suggested by the inn's website and landed at no-where. God gracious, the owner knew some English. By phone, he successfully guided us to his house, which was converted into a ryokan.

It was dark, so I cannot see if there was a garden.

The next morning before we checked-out, there I was in the garden; joyfully snapped the pictures and began dreaming about my own future Japanese garden. If only I have all the zeal to go through the procedures, my garden will have a small bonsai sakura tree. Owh!

Orchids III

2010-04-27T14:08:00.001+09:00

Yesterday, a new orchid plant known as Pleione formosana or Taiwan Pleione came-in to replaced the older ones because their flowers started to fall off.

Soba

2010-04-27T09:01:00.000+09:00

Besides udon, the other type of Japanese noodles which is equally delicious is soba. In Malaysia we can try soba mee in secret-recipe outlet.

Soba is made of buckwheat and a thin type of noodles. More information in wikipedia.

During my previous visit to Kyoto, each of us tried a cold soba noodle with tempura set in a restaurant. I just love the simple yet stylish decoration next to our table; and of course the meals.

Sushi, will be missed...

2010-04-26T14:36:00.001+09:00

The first time I came face to face with sushi was when the boss organized a welcome party for me...it seemed like ages ago. The sushi set was served and decorated nicely. But having the thought that I was about to eat raw fish meat, the desires flew away. After having one out of four, the taste-buds said no. Luckily, another south east asian originated student was there, my labmate (she was not in the picture). She finished the whole things plus the one that she ordered. I was very curious. What was so special about the sushi?

Not giving up the hope to understand sushi from the tastebuds of sushi lovers sense of taste, I never stop trying to have sushi after that one occassion. As destiny put me into this path of life, my boss love having party, regardless the agenda and we, the labmembers were always part of the troops. Apart from that, once awhile, I would joined other Malaysian students to have 100yen sushi. The 100yen sushis were a little different from the original sushi served in the old style Japanese restaurant. Besides the fast food style of serving, some of the 100yen sushis were added with mayonis or cheese; just like the one in sushi-king.

Eventually, after many trials, I was able to eat sushi, and appreciate the freshness of the taste. And even started to miss them.

The best and the costliest sushi set that I ever ate was in Niigata last year. Courtesy of the boss and other teachers, I paid nil for the dishes.

There were 10 types of sushi on the plate. The one on the most left of the plate was the most expensive and savory sushi. The meat was a tuna meat taken from a nearest part of the fish stomach. It contained a high amount of fat which made it delicious. The most right on the plate were pieces of fermented ginger. I am not very sure but it was said that having the fermented ginger in between the sushis help the tastebuds to differentiate the flavor of each sushi better. The yellow sushi wrapped with seaweed on the left side was a sushi of the sea urchin eggs (uni). The fresh one tasted better, but usually a little expensive than the one in 100yen shop.

Meeting for an event....

2010-04-25T22:08:00.002+09:00

We, Malaysians in Tokushima are going to held a one day football or soccer matches next week. About 9 universities will participate.

It is nothing official of sorts, only a mutual understanding among Malaysian students from the universities all over Japan, where each university will take turn to organized the event.

As the oldest single ;), I'll be helping the girls to co-ordinate the event; well, since all the guys want to play the games and win big prizes, we shall support. (^_~)

After all, I had submitted the manuscript to the journal and now is waiting for the editor's feedback. Acceptance or rejection; either one will comeback. Just brace myself! So, the endurance that I had gone through for the past 4 months shall be celebrate. This event is a good excuse to be out of the lab, ONLY on the weekend. *smile*

While cycling to Isma's house for a meeting today, I stop and took a few photos of Tokushima's Park. This park used to house a castle, so the sceneries of the outer part of park were similar to the other old Japan's castles.

Orchids II

2010-04-24T10:53:00.001+09:00

He brought-in three more types of orchid plants....

Global chilling of Japan?

2010-04-24T10:31:00.001+09:00

The Bizan after rain, a scenery through a window of my lab.

Snowfall during sakura season took place in Tokyo and upper part of Japan. The southern part, as in Shikoku island, experienced rainy days, plus the windy Tokushima made the temperature around here lower than usual. Based on the news report, this abnormality happened after 40 years, since the last time.

If Malaysia is enduring a global warming signature of higher temperature, compared to the common tropical weather; Japan is indeed having a global chilling. Scientists shall find a new name to describe these unusual phenomenons.

The picture is from MSN News

The uncommon scenery, cherry blossom and a carpet of snow

Snow during spring...

2010-04-21T10:37:00.001+09:00

This spring, everyone was looking forward for the chirping of the birds and the smiley sun. Instead, Japan was again having winter. The weather had gone haywires with snow returning after cherry blossom season in some parts of the country. Other parts were having non-stop rain. Quite a weird scenario, but with some countries in the world were dealing with more harmfull experiences (earth quake?), this was not a problem at all.

It is wet everywhere, but seeing the green Bizan is like a seeing miracle in front of your eyes. Why?

Last two weeks, the mountain was full with flowers; white, purple, peach, and pink. Today, it was all green, fresh green.

Am I complaining? Not really. It is just that I love warm weather, and missed it dearly after almost 6 months. (^_~)....

Love of winter?

2010-04-16T09:19:00.001+09:00

Winter is really not my favourite season. The coldness of the weather and the unstable emotional person (ME!) that I need to handle each and everyday, are two of the reasons for me to despise the season. But then again, there is one thing that I like about the season, beside snowing; it's the season of the red fruit (that's 2 thing that I like about winter? hhhmmmm). Not the rambutan (that I missed so much!) but the strawberry.

Being in Tokushima have their own advantage. Yes, there is no big shopping complex as in Kobe, Osaka or Tokyo, and difficult to go from one place or another because of the limited transportation. For the transportation, a similar problem as in Malaysia but with one better condition where nobody can bet on the punctuality.

Opps! Again, I digress.

The price for vegetables and fruits are cheaper, that's the advantage of living here.

I tried my hand at photography....with strawberries posed as the models.

Hanami I

2010-04-14T08:22:00.000+09:00

Japanese, I guess, knows how to enjoys simple things (but beauty) in life. Hanami party is actually about appreciating the lovely scenery of sakura flowers. Our lab organized a party at the Sebu Park (Sebu Koen), last two weeks. The day was nice with winds blowing up the flowers......

Hina-matsuri

2010-04-13T14:07:00.002+09:00

Girl's Day or Japanese Doll Festival is celebrated every year in Japan. An old culture. Read more about it in the Wikipedia.

At the end of Februari, Tokunaga sensei took me to a place near Katsuura town . I can just say, iko!

It is a set of dolls as a gift for the first daughter in the family. After the daughter is all grown-up, the set shall be given away. There is a believe that say as long as the dolls are keep by the family, the daughter will find it difficult to get hitched. I don't know how true it is, but somebody is worried about it at the moment. *wink*

In Tokushima, the dolls can be given to the shrines or selected houses for them to be kept and display.

The shrine that I visited was full with the dolls that were arranged in the open space in the garden, lovely. I love the feeling walking amongst the miniatures.

To promote tourism in Tokushima, a few old houses in Katsuura had been selected to keep and exhibite them, the dolls, during Hina-matsuri.

And in Katsuura, there was a big place to keep all these dolls. Some of the dolls were very old, as old as Meiji period. And in each era, the designs were slighty differed.

Party with many hats

2010-04-11T11:21:00.000+09:00

One of the lecturers in the lab - hailed from China - who have been here for 10 years went to a university in San Franscisco for her postdoctoral course. We have a party for that, celebrating her new life in USA.

A new lecturer coming in temporarily to fill the vacate-post, it was a welcoming party for her.

And we also celebrating the end of ISES, an international conference that the lab organized last summer. They've just closed the account successfully. The undergrad students who have been helping were invited.

Three reasons to have a big party. (^_~)

Orchids

2010-04-10T13:20:00.001+09:00

One of the lecturers in the lab is very fond of orchids, he grows them well and have a vast number of variety in his collections. Once awhile, he will bring-in the one with flowers for display. The latest orchid he brought to the lab, which I think looked a little strange but beautiful, paphiopedilum or also known as lady slipper orchid.

Negative me...

2010-04-07T12:31:00.002+09:00

Another 5 months to go before I pack-up, off to the Kansai airport and fly home.

However nice that may sound, it does not reflected in my daily life at the moment. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but have to deal with many bumpy rides before reaching the end itself is a touchier. These bumpy rides can turn me into a person that I hate with all the negatives characters emerged.

I can now see negatives vibes floating around me…..(~_~)!

Need to get a positive vibes spray soon….(^_~)

The love for rainbow

2010-04-06T10:20:00.000+09:00

Rainbow has many colors. It is always referred as a symbol of beauty or happiness, for its many colors against the plain blue sky.

But in life, human thinks otherwise. If you don’t follow the flocks, you are weird. If you don’t wear things as the majority does, that makes you - different.

But then again, I love being labeled different. I am not a good follower. If I do, I will never major in science, it should be history, literature or business; or maybe housewife, just like my mother.

Now, here in Japan with my chocolate skin color plus head scarf, I guess I am different.

At this age, I am still single. Oh! Yes, different. Ultimately!

With my coat, the same one for autumn or spring; a thing to be discusses? My love for tableware?

The list will never end.

I just don’t care. As long as I am alive, happy with myself, doing all the chores as a Muslim and fulfiled the responsibility of me towards my family, real friends, people in need and God. Other than that, I can’t control people’s mind or whatever things that they want to do.

I guess being too optimistic with oneself can drive other people crazy. *wink*

Stand by me

2010-04-03T13:08:00.001+09:00

Not unlike every other day I woke up today’s morning with a feeling of serenity before the reality sipped-in and rocked the mind; works and life is tough to let go. Took a look at the table clock, then I realized that the room temperature of the usually 10degress was at 18degrees Celsius; which made me a bit happier, thinking about a warm day onward. After doing the morning routines, I cycled to school. Nothing seemed out of ordinary.

Only when I stepped into the entrance of the dental hospital to get to the lab, another life experiences come into the picture.

I saw an elderly couple, their ages probably 70 going 80. They were about 1.5m from me; at the automatic entrance glass door that was wide opened. Nothing seemed wrong with them except the husband was in a quite awkward position; nor standing or sitting. He placed his two hands on the floor while still in a standing position, making a downward V position. Something likes doing an exercise.

Many patients come and go and I have seen enough that I just wanted to dismiss them as another before I saw his wife quickly placed her handbag on the nearby table and came back assisting him to stand straight. The whole time, his leg and back was not moving an inch, like the whole body was in a frozen state; it was like trying to stand a fallen chair.

It was then it crossed my mind that the wife might probably need my help after all to help him standing. I help, but with a wired idea coming into my mind; hopefully they would not mind me touching him as I am a foreigner and a Muslim. We never know what other persons has in their mind because the wife gave a glance, a significant one; either approval or afraid or asking for a help or shame. But then again, my intention was what counted for me, never mind them.

The wife seemed glad that I gave her a hand and she said arigatou before going to get the walking stick and led him to a table. He stood there using the table as a support while she rushed somewhere, most likely to get a wheelchair.

He was using his two hands to actually hold himself from falling onto the floor. Probably he had lost his balance while walking into the clinic’s hall because I saw his walking stick lying on the floor nearby.

Hopefully, somebody will stand by me when I am too old to stand still.

Under the Bizan

2010-04-02T00:35:00.000+09:00

My apartment is located under the famous mountain in Tokushima called Bizan. Early in the morning, before the sunrise, the serounding is quiet and cold, especially in winter. But, the blooming sakura in spring change the perspective and compensate it all.

I have not yet make my way to the nearby koen (garden) to enjoy the season. Just about 15 minutes walking up the Bizan. The place is known as Seibu Koen. Very nice view up there. Hopefully I can do that this coming Saturday before going to the laboratory.

Oh! Talking about the laboratory, I am thinking about how much I will miss being in the laboratory during sakura season next year. My lab is on top of the Dental School building, facing Bizan. So I will be able to see a full view of Bizan trough the glass pane. Heaven!

Coming out of my closet?

2010-03-30T15:26:00.000+09:00

In life, mistakes or weakness come as a part of the parcels. Ignore or denying it is like living in a cocoon, or similar as building a sand castle, no strong foundation in our life. So, I want to admit my mistake or weakness.

I realized that at times I might have sound too pompous, almost like unreal person when declaring my love for reading likes there nothing that I would do besides spending my whole life reading, as if I was borne to read. I am the good girl who stays home, reading.

I want to come clean, just like the Ricky Martin.*wink*

The secret is that I love tableware and cookware as much as I love reading.

There goes my biggest weakness. People close to me might have known about it, but I just felt that I wanted to say it out loud.

There is a room in my apartment that I’ve dedicated for tableware and cookware. In my mother’s house, a part of unoccupied room upstairs was occupied with my precious collection, purchased while I was working, before coming to Japan. Not exactly the real collections, just few things that I thought would look good and nice to use, for my future house. *smile* *dreaming*

I believe that it all started when I received my first set of gift; as a little girl I was given a cooking set. I can’t remember what had happened to them. I can’t even remember the set; it was my mother who told me about it. It cannot be my fault of not having any memory about it because I was very very very young at that time. Anyway, I do believe that the somehow the impression of receiving the gift had registered somewhere unconsciously in the memory banks.

Whenever I take a look at food, real-life or net-life, it was the plate, spoon, bowl, cups or whatever the serving utensils used, those are the first things that catch my eyes.

Stressful heart can easily be mend if I stroll along the shopping areas full of those two things. Nowadays, it becomes easier because of the web life. I will be breezing through Yahoo JP, Amazon JP or Rakuten websites during the hard days at the laboratory, after school.

Apart from that I can’t thank Google enough for providing the Google language translation. It makes my shopping spree much much easier, which means that I have to be more careful with the monthly budget. I don’t want to end up penniless at the end of every month. Or should I say, yenless? *wink*

Yes, dear. I am guilty as charge!

Rabbit's rides

2010-03-29T13:08:00.002+09:00

I was born in the year of a rabbit, according to the Chinese horoscope. Rabbit’s person was said to be lucky, as my foster mother of Hiroshima mentioned to me during one afternoon.

Nevertheless, since horoscope is not my forte, none of my comment will ever justify the statement.

Rabbit or not, I always believe that God have been very kind to me. The roller-coaster rides are just a way of Him to remind, show and push me forward. I’ll pray for the best! (^-^)

Ode to an old man

2010-03-26T10:34:00.000+09:00

At the end of the day, we are all just human.

He is a human, full of flaws, as any man in the world would. As much as I sometimes loathe him, there are parts of him which I shall always be grateful for. No human is perfect. Positively said, the life here could have been worst.

He was a handsome ambitious young man who wants to make a place in the world by putting his work before the family. But, it never cross my mind that he would let the family down because he provided them enough, at time I thought it was more than enough; both money and love. If only he was not the old generation of Asian parents, then he would probably say ‘I love you’ more.

The man was borne shortly after the Second World War, with a dramatic family background that can make any woman shedding a tear or two. Yet, determined to be a gentleman like his father was, through education he mastered his way up.

Now, at the edge of retirement, he is an old man, who needed much rest.

As much as the science is moving forward, and so are his mind and knowledge. Nevertheless, our body will never keeping up with those two.

Though he is not as sharp as he used to be, no one can take away the pride, dignity and the experiences. I believe that I am now dealing with his pride.

P/s I saw him fallen asleep sitting in front of his computer desk during yesterday's lunch break. I wish he would take a day or two to recharge his body before coming to the lab after a long journey out of country.

The rain vs cherry blossom

2010-03-25T10:18:00.000+09:00

This week the flower named sakura started to bloom (cherry blossom season) in Tokushima, the two weeks time during spring that are awaited by almost everybody here. It is supposed to be a good season, but then again we can only hope as nothing can predict what nature has to give. Since the last few days, rain poured heavily non-stop. The temperature dropped again, around 12 degree Celsius, cold weather for Tokushima considering this season is spring.

We can just wish that the sun will show his face at the end of the week. I want to have hanami, picnic under the sakura’s tree with friends, the final one before I say goodbye to the land called Nihon.

The experiment

2010-03-16T18:59:00.002+09:00

One thing that I love about doing the experiment, we can repeat the process until succeeds, that’s the spirit. And as Einstein said, “Doing the same thing over and over but expect a different result is stupid”.

In research, we repeat the experiments but each time, we will use a slightly different technique. And these processes of repeating the similar experiments have benefited the human race, e.g. to be able to write at night under the 'bright electric light' was end result the repeatable work of Thomas Alva Edison.

So, if a colleague ask me to just simply let go of something, I will have to say, ‘I need to digest this because I believe that once I understands the processes, will also understand what when wrong, thus it can be accepted and finally, I can let it go. If I want to repeat this, I will not take the same route again.’

The churning processes take time but in the near future, I shall try to make it easier and faster. I could use Sis Naz advice; take it easy and one step at a time. Am I right? Or I got it wrong again? Hehehe!

She was here

2010-03-15T14:11:00.000+09:00

She was here last night, just before the first light of the sun shined on the land of Tokushima.

I was very delighted, excited and happy to see her tough in my mind; I knew that it was impossible for me to see her again. She, in her white school uniform was there, standing and surrounded by a few younger girls and she seemed to be teaching them of something.

I took a hard look at her just to confirm that it was her. I knew her short hair style, just above the shoulder, and that familiar round face. She then looked up, saw me and flashed her winning bright smile.

I asked her, what she’s doing here; her presence puzzled me a bit. She, out of everybody that I knew, was here. It was a long time since I saw her, almost two decades.

Smiled, that’s all her replied.

Anyway, I wanted to hug her and told her that I missed her a lot. But as I approached her, she was fast moving away, smile and gone in a second.

That was when I woke-up.

Kak Pah, as she was known adorably amongst our batch in SAS. She left us 19 years ago. We were friend since Form One but after SRP I went to MARA College. Since the school holidays between MARA school and government school differed, I made an effort to go and see them all at school during a MARA school break.

That was the last time I saw her. About a month later someone told me that she had passed away.

After her death, some friends did mention that she acted strangely few months before her death. She was sick but nobody knew exactly what the disease was.

Me at that time was a very self-obsessed-person whose goal was success never took notice of anything beside myself.

However, during the visit a friend did say something that I thought weird, ‘Kak Pah wanted to see you, go. Don’t let her wait, she’ll get angry’ but I never take time to churn it out. Knowing her as she was, her middle name was never anger. Nevertheless, I just shrugged the statement off. We met and talked before the bell which ended the recess-time rang. That was the last of her.

I still have her IC photo that she gave me. I still remember her. But I never dreamt of her, not even once.

But her death was the second death in my life which did affected me somehow. Probably, the stresses that I am going through in my life have shaken-up the memories in my head really bad.

But, if she was really here to visit me, I am happy because she looks happy.

The instinct

2010-03-11T09:19:00.000+09:00

One quality that I have and most women in the world shares, the instinct. It does come handy at time but if I do rely on it all the time, it will become a habit. This means that I will not go out if the aura around me are all negatives, which remind me of a card reader with a crystal ball living in a caravan somewhere in surburb of wet european country wearing a long flowery skirt with untidy hair.

Oh! How I digress.

Actually, this post is about my Professor and I, again. Finally, I think I knew the reason of me avoid him at all cost.

Even if I went to see him, the outcomes were usually leaving me with more doubts and more questions.

Though people said I am clever, but the reality is I am not THAT clever. I am a person who easily confused and hard to understand the principle of something. So, if people talk to me in a colorful words and full of wisdoms, they are actually helping in making me confused because I tend to take the conclusion the other way round. It has been prove again and again and again since my schooling day.

As the boss love to show off his American English, he used to spent a good 5 minutes to explain something that can be finished in a breath.

At the end, we always have the clashed of ideas and understanding.

So, the paranoid (and guilty me?), taking the easy way out, stay away from him. ;)

Why? Because instinct said that he would brought more problems that the ones that I already have. The truth is; it is not the 'instinct'. It's just a pattern that developed after sometimes.

And me, 'avoid conflict', a real quality of Scorpio.

The Zen way

2010-03-03T12:49:00.003+09:00

I went to visit a few zen Buddhist temples in Kyoto.

Probably nothing much to say about the buildings or decorations since I believe zen is all about meditation and being calm and comfort with one self. It is a part of Buddhism teaching. Can look out wiki for more information.

However, I like the garden most. The zen garden was simple which reflect the simplicity of zen life and were made from rocks and trees as in the pictures. I don't know the significant of the big rocks or the small rocks but many people were flashing out their camera lights taking pictures of the rocks or the gardens. And I did that too. The simplicity of the garden mesmerized me and those few copies of pictures would later help me designed my own zen garden. I wanted to make my own zen garden at home back in Malaysia; which I think would give some nice touch to my future house....;)

The zen temples in my opinion, offered the peacefulness (the zen-way) for a person who is looking for it, by mediatating but not praying. I can see no Buddha statue or prayer altar, or probably they were hidden in some other areas which I was not so sure of. But, most of the areas were open area, facing the garden and allocated with many cushions to sit-on for meditiation.

But we, my friends and I did our own brand of zen meditiation, we did asar prayer peacefully without hassle in the temple...:)

My familiar stranger

2010-02-27T08:01:00.000+09:00

Reading is my favorite’s pastime.

I started to read English magazines about 15 years back. It was when I stumbled upon a stacked of Reader Digest in the library of my secondary school. Before that English to me was like the outer-space-alien-language. The simple US English of the magazine had made it easier to read and understand. It was in one of the magazines that I came to know the existence of ‘familiar stranger’. And now, I have mine.

He is a guard of a construction site for a parking lot of a hospital next to the university. They started developing that area about 6 months back which means he has been working there for about the same length of time.

Every day, I cycle passing the area, and he will be standing in front of the gate of the construction site.

First, it started with just flagged-waves asking me to cycle in the safe side of the road, especially made for cyclists and pedestrians. Then, there were hello, how do you do, ohaiyo, good morning and many more words. He simply was practicing his English with me. I would smile and answer his good morning with ohaiyo (good morning in Japanese). Anyway, his antics will sometimes put a smile on my face.

Don’t ask me about anything else about him, he is still a stranger. ;)

The girls

2010-02-26T09:47:00.000+09:00

Not many Malaysian single girls here in Tokushima. But we stick together wherenever there is an opportunity. And most of the time we either window shop or eat, our favourites activities.

One time I asked the girls to join me for some desserts in Il Rosa, a famous sit-in bakery shop. They tried the macha-ice cream while me, the cheese cake; but that was after a large bowl of kake-udon, a japanese noodles soup. No wonder my weight kept on increasing.

p/s more single girls are coming starting next semester....

The season

2010-02-25T14:00:00.000+09:00

Spring is here before I even had time to say good bye to winter. However lovely spring may sound, anyone with sinus problem or allergy shall be very wary of this season.

Health aside, I am waiting for the spring because this season is the time where sakura blossom. For just two weeks, there will be white and pink flowers everywhere. Heaven on earth!

Year-end party

2010-02-24T08:26:00.001+09:00

Every year, we - my labmates and I - go out for a bonenkai (forget-the-year party) at the end of the year.

However, this time (Dec. 2009), the party was rather a low-tone dinner with little drinks around, just like a family dinner. It used to be a non-stop-order-of-drinks-and-food party. One of the reason probably because　at that time our dear Professor was very busy with traveling out of the country, thus he did not have enough time to plan; choose the place plus the menu. Besides, the decreased number of labmates by year might have somehow affected the mood.

But I don't really mind. I don't drink anyway. Hehehe!

We went to the restaurant in front of the university, an Italian restaurant. One of the undergraduate zemi students works there, part-timer. He suggested good dishes and even served us, so very professional.

Year end O-Soji

2010-02-22T21:57:00.000+09:00

Every year end we have o-soji - cleaning of our laboratory. Japanese believe that we shall clean our house or working place in the preparation of the new coming year. The lecturers and students take part in the cleaning activities, but of course not the Professor. ;)

We started early in the morning arranging all the moveable equipements and chairs outside the laboratories. Then, after sweeping and vacumn the floor, we started stripping the old wax out of the floor, using the wax stripping buffer with the help of floor wax stripping machine. We continue with brushing the floor manually. Afterward, the floor was rinsed with a lot of water. The rinsing was easy but to mop out the water took quite sometime. Finally we let the floor dried for around two hours before it was waxed. Then we started move back the equipments and other thing into the original location.

This year we managed to finish early. And thanks to the Professor, he treated us with pizzas. But, it was a long day indeed!

Anyway, this year was my final o-soji.

Let's eat mochi

2010-02-21T22:25:00.000+09:00

This post is a belated story of making mochi (rice cake), a special food that is neccessary during the few first days of new year in Japan. Though you may find mochi whenever or wherever in Japan, making mochi is considered exclusive for the new year celebration or known as mochitsuki.

My friends and I joined the Scout children having fun making the mochi from scratch.

The boy and girl Scouts...

Steamed rice....

The steamed rice was crushed and grind in this big mortal using the wooden mallets

Even the young Iman wanted to try using the mallet

Together, we made the red bean paste into small balls for the mochi's filling

Voila! Mochi with red bean filling or daifuku

Some of us...

Uniqueness stand out in the crowd!

2010-02-20T20:41:00.001+09:00

When our former PM, Dr M suggested that we shall all Look East, Malaysian can't simply digest the meaning of it. But now breathing the air of Japan, I somehow can understand his point of view.

One of them is their way of thinking, always awed me, especially in doing bussiness. Hey! What else can one do to get rich quickly rather by doing bussiness, and doing it in a right way is what Japan is all about!

One of the important factors of succesful bussiness is marketing and Japanese restaurants are very good in marketing their products.

I visited this one cafe in Kyoto, Berry Cafe, which was located under the same roof of Kyoto Station. The candle-made pastries (mostly pies) were used to decorate the window of this shop. Can't say about others but it did attract me, and probably do attract attention of anyone walking past the window. Like any other shop in Japan, once you entered the shop they greeted you, irashaimase! (Selamat datang). The waitress then took my friends and I to a table. The shop was small but the sitting was comfortable, something like Secret Recipe's dining hall. Small but exclusive.

For those who like to jump-in for a short break after a journey, this is a good place.

Orange anyone?

2010-02-18T07:36:00.000+09:00

Orange? Fresh from farm...

Weeks before new year, T*****ga sensei brought me to her friend's orange garden. I said garden because the farm was in front of his house, just like his garden but a huge one. I was given a pair of scissors and a suitable cloth to help them harvested the oranges from the trees, and so T*****ga sensei. Both of us were shown of way to use the scissors correctly, and then help ourselves cutting the oranges off the branches. We got two buckets oranges for each of us before the owner told us that he wanted us to bring back home all the oranges that we help picking-up. He said he can't sold the oranges because our techniques of cutting the stem that coming out from the orange was not good enough, we made sharp tips of it. An excuse actually! A good one. :)

I still have some of those oranges, and thanks to the low temperature all around us here.

The man in the picture was the owner of this farm. His house can be seen in the background, the center one. On the right was his store where he kept the oranges. By the way, the owner was a single father whose wife died of cancer about 10 years ago, around 7 months after being diagnosed. He brought-up two adolescent kids single-handedly, doing all the household works while managing the farm.

Me - wearing the special clothing (but not the tudung), with gloves and posing - with T*****ga sensei.

Religous Japan II

2010-02-17T16:48:00.006+09:00

The second temple/shrine was not as crowded as the first one. I just fall in love with the pond located near the entrance. It had many big fishes, koi (if not mistaken), swam lazily and eating some food threw in by the visitors.

This is where T*****ga sensei prayed for the second time that day. She had many wishes this year to be fulfilled. Not unlike my dear mother, she too is hoping that her daughter will get married soon. I guess, all mother is simply praying for the best for their children.

While waiting, I just wandered around and spent a nice 30 minutes taking pictures of the temple, especially the pond.

Religious Japan I

2010-02-16T21:07:00.002+09:00

Following conversation took place some time on the second of January this year.

Kring! Kring!

Moshi-moshi!

Moshi-moshi! This is T*****ga speaking.

Hait! T*****ga sensei.....

Azurina-san, do you want to go to Jinja? Praying for the new year?

Huh! Errrr.................

C'mon, let's see how religious Japanese are....Hahahaha!

Hahahaha!

Thirty minutes later off we went to the first of the two famous temples near Naruto. The road to the temple was jammed, packed with cars. The usually 30 minutes drive needed another half an hour and yet that was a good thing. It was because if we went there on the night of the new year and during the first day, it would takes more than one hour to reach the temple.

So, she always go on the second day.

Azurina-san, you don't need to pray now because you pray everyday but Japanese only pray one time for the whole year. So now you can tell your Malaysian friends how religious we are. *smile*

Hahaha! Alright, I'll watch from here. Don't be too long.

The place in front of the first temple was like pasar malam with many gerai selling many things. We bought the fish waffles and the salegirl happily practising her English conversing with me. Not bad!

A luncheon

2010-02-16T09:29:00.001+09:00

I had invited few friends for a lunch last month at home, trying Malaysian dishes. Glad that they came and enjoyed the food. One of them brought me a bouquet of flowers, an orchid (er...not so sure)....but anyhow the flowers were very lovely. Another brought a dessert, the look and the taste just compliment each other!

p/s The makcik in the photo of three that did not look at the camera was busy watching her favourite TV program, a Korean drama....hikhikhik!

Taste buds are dancing happily

2010-02-12T10:46:00.000+09:00

Beside good book, I love good food. Here in Japan, I think their sushi is the best because of the freshness. Nevertheless, I think most people from South East Asia like hot (hot as chili) food. And so do I.

I had been thinking about nasi lemak with sambal ikan bilis for few days and at last, I made a nasi lemak tumis. Coming home from laboratory during the last two nights, I needed to push myself hard enough to go to the kitchen and started the cooking process. The freezing temperature made cooking harder.　

The tumis was the special thing about this nasi lemak because usually I just put-up all the ingredient in the pot and cook using the rice cooker. Anyway, the frying of spice is nothing difficult. Unlike doing the Western blotting. Sigh!

Adding the zest of cooking rice here is the rice cooker, because Japan’s rice cooker is like an amazing thing created for rice cooking. It made all the type of rice that I cook, turn out just nice. No, it was nothing like the one that I have back there in Malaysia. Much more easier, but because the instructions were all in kanji, I can't read and use it to the max. What a waste!

And as much as I love eating Japan rice, I missed the long grain type of rice. So, I bought basmathi rice and there I have a nasi lemak basmathi tumis with sambal sotong and ikan bilis goreng. Ah! Heaven on the taste buds!

Welcoming a new soul

2010-02-09T09:29:00.000+09:00

I received a SMS from my brother late last night.

Kak, Yan dah b'ranak. Baby girl. 2.7 kg. Sis, Yan had given birth. Baby girl. 2.7kg.

We, the Ahmad family now have a new family member. She was born at 9.50pm (Malaysian time) and weight 2.7kg. Still waiting for the name though....hehehe!

Welcome and may your life be bless, the third niece!.....(^_^).....

Keep on dreaming!

2010-02-05T16:49:00.000+09:00

There are few things that keep me sensible; one of it is the fact that I am a dreamer, to the highest level possible. Do take it literally because I mean it as a dream that one do when they sleep.

I sometime have a dream, which look exactly like the Malay drama. I said so because the dream comes with the real living actors.

I had many before but the latest one was with Ida Nerina as a main protagonist. The dream was about a widow with two children in a village, who live with her parents and brothers. They were not rich.

Then, the not so young, probably late 20’s, and educated man like her but she was also pursued by another man who was in his early 40’s. I was not so sure about the main idea behind the story. After all, the whole dream things were just like few shoots of the whole story; she with her two children, age 5 and 10 in a room of a kampong’s house doing some talking; she talked to the young man; she rejected the older man; she with her brothers and parents in their house.

I can’t remember most of the dialogue but I can made-up the story. The dreams usually were at the most dramatic plots of the story.

The dreams that come somehow diverted the pressure of my life away from me, momentarily, because it (the dream) usually happens during that time.

The oldest dreamt was the one that had both Sofea Jane and Jalaluddin Hassan.

The scorpio in me

2010-02-03T11:38:00.001+09:00

The past two weeks had been the very interesting weeks, an emotional roller-coster rides for me. I never thought that I could get very upset and set a stage for my own performances. But then again, I did just that.

I felt very emotional one day and very disturbed with a few persons, as if I was an easy target and easily manipulated. It's either I misled people or people misjudged me; one thing led to another and at the end, my final act, an outbursted where I dropped a few diamond tears in front of my prof in his office.

Kalau orang Jepun tak suka orang asing, jangan suruh orang asing datang sini.

But he had nothing to do with the it. Since I have nobody to let out my frustration, so I poured it on him. Pity him. :)

The last stroke that hit my button had everything to do with mice, anyway! Pity me! Sigh!

Unstable entity

2010-01-28T15:33:00.001+09:00

People should be very wary of me of late. I can’t either able to control my tongue or my words. The emotion, it is running high with anger and worry. The angriness is towards the selfishness that existed in someone heart and soul that even a blind man can see, yet he thought I am too young to be able to judge. The worry is about me, my research and study. The researcher in me is looking for the right way to make myself in my own way. I can’t depend on this person to be my mentor and yet one of my reasons of coming here is to get the international contacts. What can I say?

p/s Perhaps I shall zikir a lot as my mother suggested. Sigh!