Today, I skipped my plan to go home and have porridge as lunch because of the snow. Tokushima, being situated on the southern part of Japan is usually warmer than the northern area of Japan. Thus, it was rarely snowing and for the last three years, it never last more than 1 hour. Today, it started snowing around eleven in the morning and is still going strong.
This means that salad and onigiri from Lawson will do just fine for the lunch.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
What if?
In our life, many things can happen accidentally, or so suddenly.
Last two nights, I called my mother and we talk about life. About being humble and the way we should carry ourselves.
Yeah, my mother and I are friends. We can talk for three hours on phone without interruption if we have a topic in common, especially about life; the past, the present and the future.
My brothers used to scold us that we can talk non-stop on phone, but then, we don’t agree on so many things when we stayed under one roof.
For me, it was just my immature-and-not-so-patience me being under her non-stop lectures.
And for her, I was and am her 17-years-old daughter. Mothers do that all the time.
Anyway, I digress.
During the conversation, we came down to the point that nothing in this world will ever lasted, be it good or bad. It was then that I realized that I will have nothing in this world if one day, God decided that He would take away my brain.
Everything that I worked out so far was stored in the memory of my brain. All the techniques and knowledge were there. What if, one day all is gone? What will happen to me at that time?
I guess, I am just nobody without Him.
Last two nights, I called my mother and we talk about life. About being humble and the way we should carry ourselves.
Yeah, my mother and I are friends. We can talk for three hours on phone without interruption if we have a topic in common, especially about life; the past, the present and the future.
My brothers used to scold us that we can talk non-stop on phone, but then, we don’t agree on so many things when we stayed under one roof.
For me, it was just my immature-and-not-so-patience me being under her non-stop lectures.
And for her, I was and am her 17-years-old daughter. Mothers do that all the time.
Anyway, I digress.
During the conversation, we came down to the point that nothing in this world will ever lasted, be it good or bad. It was then that I realized that I will have nothing in this world if one day, God decided that He would take away my brain.
Everything that I worked out so far was stored in the memory of my brain. All the techniques and knowledge were there. What if, one day all is gone? What will happen to me at that time?
I guess, I am just nobody without Him.
Monday, January 11, 2010
New Year 2010 night
Tully's at nightOn the bridge after dinner
At the very night of the end of year of 2009, Mirza and I spent the night having dinner of pastas and pizzas at our usual Capricouza restaurant, and then coffees at Tully's. It was a lovely and quiet night in Tokushima-shi.
I have decided againts my own wish to go anywhere but to stay in Tokushima. The least that I can do as this was the last-year that I was going to celebrate end-of-the-year in Tokushima. But then the coldness made me went home earlier rather than staying to witness hanami (firework) at twelve o'clock near Shin-machi.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Greedy & proud vs humble & optimist
Today, there was an article written in Bahasa Malaysia in Harian Metro about being greedy and the consequences of it. It did strike me on one or two things that made my mind started the processes of thinking, again. As Monsieur Hercule Poirot would say, “My little grey cells are working, Mon ami”.
In that article, it pointed out that one of the effect of being greedy is one will work to acquire a mammoth of wealth. Because of the wealth, the person will then subsequently gain a certain title, given to him, and finally, with that he obtained power.
Having all these, there will be a possibility that he would end up being too proud of himself and look down on others.
The thing about being too proud was what had pulled me down to the earth today - instead of flying around zip zapping with the aeroplanes.
I am afraid of so many things in this world. One is to forget the word ‘humble’. There are so many other things that made me scared of myself. One is to confuse the word humble with low self-esteem which is a negative point in psychology field, especially in being successful. There were many thin lines of being negatives or being positives in self-consciousness.
Me, I wish, though the knowledge that I acquire here will come up with a title -if I am alive to finish this- I will stay grounded. I am not here for the title but this is my dream to be able to do PhD. It is also one of my agendas, as a motivation indirectly to my other sisters and brothers of my big families. I want my cousins, nieces and nephews and hopefully one day, my children, to see that we all can do this. It is just a silent statement for them that studying up to this point is not the impossible thing to do. Those are reasons of me doing this silly thing, being here all alone by myself, talking by myself while waking or sleeping. I do not mind being call names (spinster?!) as long as I can succeed to prove that if I can, and so others can.
At one point while in USM, I was told that I being a science officer knew nothing about the scientific work. It was because I have no title. At that time, there were not many lecturers in PPSG who graduated with PhD in basic science, so my former boss asked me to help. He believes that I could. Thus, I did monitor the students’ work. Little did people know that some of the M. Sc students and a Phd student graduated under my co-supervision? But then, who am I? Not an MD or a PhD holder. I am just a person who graduated from UKM with M. Sc. in basic science. However, it never deter me from doing what I love most, ‘Investigate, Watson!’ We bowed when we need to bow, but life is like a circle. The same people who relinquish you today will be the same people who will cherish you tomorrow.
I just wish that people will not confuse the optimist me with the proud me. It is simply me who always optimist that sun will always come up from the north, till one day, day of the end of the world.
In that article, it pointed out that one of the effect of being greedy is one will work to acquire a mammoth of wealth. Because of the wealth, the person will then subsequently gain a certain title, given to him, and finally, with that he obtained power.
Having all these, there will be a possibility that he would end up being too proud of himself and look down on others.
The thing about being too proud was what had pulled me down to the earth today - instead of flying around zip zapping with the aeroplanes.
I am afraid of so many things in this world. One is to forget the word ‘humble’. There are so many other things that made me scared of myself. One is to confuse the word humble with low self-esteem which is a negative point in psychology field, especially in being successful. There were many thin lines of being negatives or being positives in self-consciousness.
Me, I wish, though the knowledge that I acquire here will come up with a title -if I am alive to finish this- I will stay grounded. I am not here for the title but this is my dream to be able to do PhD. It is also one of my agendas, as a motivation indirectly to my other sisters and brothers of my big families. I want my cousins, nieces and nephews and hopefully one day, my children, to see that we all can do this. It is just a silent statement for them that studying up to this point is not the impossible thing to do. Those are reasons of me doing this silly thing, being here all alone by myself, talking by myself while waking or sleeping. I do not mind being call names (spinster?!) as long as I can succeed to prove that if I can, and so others can.
At one point while in USM, I was told that I being a science officer knew nothing about the scientific work. It was because I have no title. At that time, there were not many lecturers in PPSG who graduated with PhD in basic science, so my former boss asked me to help. He believes that I could. Thus, I did monitor the students’ work. Little did people know that some of the M. Sc students and a Phd student graduated under my co-supervision? But then, who am I? Not an MD or a PhD holder. I am just a person who graduated from UKM with M. Sc. in basic science. However, it never deter me from doing what I love most, ‘Investigate, Watson!’ We bowed when we need to bow, but life is like a circle. The same people who relinquish you today will be the same people who will cherish you tomorrow.
I just wish that people will not confuse the optimist me with the proud me. It is simply me who always optimist that sun will always come up from the north, till one day, day of the end of the world.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The pain
It was still very early in the morning as I cannot see any sign of light coming in through our wooden house but I had woken up. It was a restless sleep. The pain of my right hand lower arm was unbearable. I cannot sense of any reason why should there be any pain. However, the morning chilliness just made me turned myself over in hope to catch another hour of sleep.
But then I heard voices of my parents chatting happily. Then there were delicious fragrances of chicken curry and ketupat pulut coming from downstairs.
My eyes wide opened.
Oh! It is Hari Raya. I need to get up early. But wait, the pain? How could I have my Raya if the pain insisted? I felt gloomy.
I was 14 years old and Hari Raya was a day that I intended to celebrate to the fullest, even now.
Slowly, I pushed myself up. I could see that my two brothers were still deep in sleep when I took a peek into their shared room.
How can one sleep like those two?
Next, I took a steady stepped down the wooden stairs. Each of the steps of the stairs was made from polish black round lumber, so I need to be careful while walking on it. Especially at that time, coming out from the darkness of my room so my eyes still not get used to the bright illuminating fluorescence lamp hanging on the wall.
My mother and father were busily talking. I cannot make up of anything from their words. It was like they were gossiping, but he looked so happy sitting at the dining table and tasting the curry. He must have had his morning prayer because he had the white lebai covering his head, wearing only sarong with no shirt, showing his big stomach. She was standing next to her boiling curry, well known to the villagers for it taste, and because she usually used the ayam kampong which made it special.
Ayah, sakit tangan! Father, my hand is painful! Claimed me out of sudden. Both of them looked up.
I shove my hand towards his direction while taking my place on the stairs, halfway downstairs.
Pasal apa? Why? Both of them respond.
Tak tau. I don’t know.
My father came closer and took my hand into his. He smiles while his fingers strolled down my lower arm. He was a good traditional massager to a circle of friends.
Aduh!
Ooo..pasal buat kuih kelmarin la tu. Tekan kuat sangat kot. Oh! Probably because of helping me to make biscuits yesterday. You pressed to hard.
My mother was teasing me. Then I remembered that yesterday, I had made a few hundreds kuih kacang (biscuits) that needed me to use my thumb to press hard on the surface of the beans powder that was put into a mould, for Hari Raya.
Ya la. Orang tak pernah buat kerja kasar. Yes, you never do any hard work. My father took turned to tease me. Indeed, the only hard work known to me was to study for examinations.
She then handed him an oily medication in a bottle. Right there and then he massaged the pain away with his cold hard fingers.
It is a memory of love that will never fade away.
But then I heard voices of my parents chatting happily. Then there were delicious fragrances of chicken curry and ketupat pulut coming from downstairs.
My eyes wide opened.
Oh! It is Hari Raya. I need to get up early. But wait, the pain? How could I have my Raya if the pain insisted? I felt gloomy.
I was 14 years old and Hari Raya was a day that I intended to celebrate to the fullest, even now.
Slowly, I pushed myself up. I could see that my two brothers were still deep in sleep when I took a peek into their shared room.
How can one sleep like those two?
Next, I took a steady stepped down the wooden stairs. Each of the steps of the stairs was made from polish black round lumber, so I need to be careful while walking on it. Especially at that time, coming out from the darkness of my room so my eyes still not get used to the bright illuminating fluorescence lamp hanging on the wall.
My mother and father were busily talking. I cannot make up of anything from their words. It was like they were gossiping, but he looked so happy sitting at the dining table and tasting the curry. He must have had his morning prayer because he had the white lebai covering his head, wearing only sarong with no shirt, showing his big stomach. She was standing next to her boiling curry, well known to the villagers for it taste, and because she usually used the ayam kampong which made it special.
Ayah, sakit tangan! Father, my hand is painful! Claimed me out of sudden. Both of them looked up.
I shove my hand towards his direction while taking my place on the stairs, halfway downstairs.
Pasal apa? Why? Both of them respond.
Tak tau. I don’t know.
My father came closer and took my hand into his. He smiles while his fingers strolled down my lower arm. He was a good traditional massager to a circle of friends.
Aduh!
Ooo..pasal buat kuih kelmarin la tu. Tekan kuat sangat kot. Oh! Probably because of helping me to make biscuits yesterday. You pressed to hard.
My mother was teasing me. Then I remembered that yesterday, I had made a few hundreds kuih kacang (biscuits) that needed me to use my thumb to press hard on the surface of the beans powder that was put into a mould, for Hari Raya.
Ya la. Orang tak pernah buat kerja kasar. Yes, you never do any hard work. My father took turned to tease me. Indeed, the only hard work known to me was to study for examinations.
She then handed him an oily medication in a bottle. Right there and then he massaged the pain away with his cold hard fingers.
It is a memory of love that will never fade away.
Monday, January 4, 2010
The first day of a new light
After almost 10 days lying on my stomach watching dramas or movies, under the blanket with heater switched on for 24 hours per day, and having enough food to fill the stomach for every 2 hours, today, I felt very energetic to start working in the lab again. The feeling puzzled me a little since I was so happy and greeting everybody in a cheerful mood. The moody me was somehow seeing the whole morning episode in a skeptic manner wondering what the heck with me and the mood. Probably it was because of the burned bread toast that I had this morning before coming to the lab or the un-stoppable stream of ideas that keep running into my head since I woke up.
Anyway, I am very thankful to the God that I am happy at the moment. Yes, I would like to see myself in a new light this year. The pathetic me most likely had flew away, and the new avatar is emerging. I wished to leave certain parts of my life in the past and am looking forward for the next century. Hurrah!
Anyway, I am very thankful to the God that I am happy at the moment. Yes, I would like to see myself in a new light this year. The pathetic me most likely had flew away, and the new avatar is emerging. I wished to leave certain parts of my life in the past and am looking forward for the next century. Hurrah!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy New Year 2010
I should have write something yesterday, but I was busy making myself full with non-stop eating and then worried. What worried me is that I have indigestion issue. Eating usually leave some uncomfortable feeling afterward. Afterall, my other hobby after cooking is eating. I am sad if I can't eat as much.....:(
*Let not indulge on self pity, Che Na!*
On the happy note, I wish everyone, Happy New Year 2010!!!
p/s I shot these swan pictures at a pond surrounding Tokushima Koen (a garden). She (my guess) seemed to love the camera because she swam to be near me and gave a few posts for the photo shots.
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