I am quitting

Everytime this happens, I always try to convince myself that I should be the one with the big heart. I shall be mature enough to let bygone be bygone and forgive, then forget.

But now, I am not sure if I should be continuing doing, for my own sake. I want to be happy and stress free. I want to be in love with my life, from every angle. I want to be able to smile wholeheartedly.

Life could be so mysterious that, sometimes I feel so dumbfounded, cannot go anywhere or make any decision because all the directions left me with little choices in being me. I am angry, but can't express it because I don't like the after-angry feeling. I am not satisfied, but I can't express it because I know that it will make me look stupid, or I think that I look stupid. Patience and tomorrow, is my only savior. But then again, these two take time and they are killing me.

I wish that I don't have to go through this anymore. I am quitting from this relationship. I gave-up!

End of a battle

He passed away last night, ended his battle against prostate cancer. I never get a chance to meet him although we live nearby, or should I say, I never create a chance to meet him. He was ( a little awkward to use 'was' for him) a big person, who lived a humble life.

Thank you for the lessons taught. You will always be my model Muslim. I will miss him.

May God bless him always.

I love day

I'm in love with life. Each and every day, I find new things to be loved about.  I find that people are interesting. I can love a person without any condition attached. And I love myself, by not losing me under any circumstances.

I love my best friend who is thinking of me she is in need. I love my other best friend who is willing to me mumbles in frustration, though she was busy handling her kids bathing, and that too through phone.

I love to listen to good news from hom.  My uncle who just came back from a medical check up told me that his condition is alright, nothing to worry.

I love that Noza thinks that I can help her, and I love to help.

I can't stop writing about my lovely day, but since I am still having a lot to do, I need to stop anyway.

A false alarm

Life has taken a lot of twist and turn since 24th December 2014, where the big flood or also known as the "River Tsunami" affected the whole Kelantan, and only two districts were spared. I can't actually straighten my feeling and compartmentalised it, for my own sake. By doing that, I can help overcome the overwhelming feeling. People need to do what it takes  in order to survive, and it is my surviving skills.

Yesterday, I sent Maru to the clinics and boarded her in because she has an infection in her left eye. Hoping that she will get better soon, especially with her being very choosy about eating. Well, she has a strong string attached to my heart because I felt like losing something when she was not around last night. Oh! My! With many things running around my mind, I just hope that my blood pressure doesn't suddenly jump up. That's one of the reasons I asked Ezah for blood pressure testing this afternoon when out of sudden I felt a rushed of heat around my my shoulders to the ears. Thank God, that was only a false alarm. Probably because of the new computer table.

The social me...finally!

I thought I am an introvert, until I met a true blue introvert. She is like a textbook of an introvert. Every description of an introvert definitely fall into her lines of characters. It is like studying another perspective of human being. And it is definitely not me.

I love human. I love small talk. But, at times I will behave like an introvert, curled up in my own cocoon, thinking and feeling depressed because I have told others of myself too much. Then it occurs to me that it maybe because of inferiority complex, which details I came across about 20 years back. Probably because of my family background, and experiences or my look. But then again, those were histories.

I am extrovert, to the T.

Time and again...

I am trying my best to be a good person, to have a positive outlook on life, and to think clearly each day. But then again, I am just a human being, with all the flaws. There will be days when by heart goes against my mind. And there will be days where my feeling cloud my judgement. And there will be time my anger superseded my love. Those days may be rare, but there would be there.

I have been trying to forgive myself for all it's worth, to be that lovable person. Only God knows how much I have tried. If I fail, please pardon me, time and again.

The aftermath

The after flood sceneries are at their worst. I haven't been to Kuala Krai or Gua Musang, but received a lot of feedback through my colleagues who went there for community works. These people need a lot of help for them to stand tall again.

Our deputy dean of community service is actively seeking donations and she hasn't stopped going to those places affected by the flood since the day she came back from her trip. She was away when the flood took place. The lady was deeply concerned with the scenario of the victims, that she has sleepless nights.