Saturday, January 13, 2018

Two years hiatus!

Wow! Time really flies. It was like yesterday that I left this blog. But, my GOD! It had been more than two years. And many things had happened.

I wish that I could come back as regular as I can, writing here. Just to jog my online presence again and share my thinking.

Happy New Year 2018!

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Inner voice talks nonsense

Work, travel and family leave me less time to be with myself. And it also opens a large window of interaction with other people and places. While these activities gave me a boost of energy, it also drained up as quickly as it came. Like usual, this triggered my inner voice.

Most of the time I will talk to myself, and it only happens in my mind. With this situation, the amount of self-talk increases. If the talking is all positive, that is okay. However, once awhile negative talking creeps in and disturbed the serenity.

Is this just me being tired? Huh!

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Tack! Say it the Swedish way...

I came for a conference on stem cell research.  An annual meeting for ISSCR 2015, hold in Stockholm, Sweden. Today is my flight home, which means another 24 hours plus of travel, back to Malaysia.

My colleague and I took a taxi to our hotel, New World Hotel from Arlanda Airport on the first day after we reached. The taxi driver who used to come to Malaysia and had a construction company in Koh Samui taught us, tack, a thank you in Swedish.

The weather should be summer, but nothing of Japan's summer. Based on a few blogs that I had visited, I had a few layers of light warm clothes with a windbreaker, and it helped. Yesterday was the best weather so far that we had, and so we decided to skip the closing ceremony, and took a hop on hop us bus, and went to the best part of the town quickly. Anyway, Stockholm is the most expensive city, so not many things I could do or buy. Sigh!

Tack, and hopefully could see this place again next time.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Look down, look up...

What can I say about this new post? Not much. It just eats out my time and let me know the true face of humanity.

I always want to learn about new things. Being appointed to this new position, I learn a lot of things. The work and responsibility, yes. But the other face, the truth of being among people I considered as friends.

There are really many king makers behind me, although I myself, love to be a king maker. These people were the ones who push me to this level, not that I like to be here. The reason I accepted the post is that, I hate to see this office in a mess. And that alone. To stay and be "a member of front benches society" is not my thing. I can't see the whole picture here. I can only look down.

This position also showed me that not all people who we consider as friends would love the idea that I am in a better position at a same institution. There are friends who always be my friends, support, applaud and all.  And "frenemy", who suddenly vanished like a thin air.

But the additional pay is good. That one, I can accept.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Lovely childhood memories

If anything, I would like to have an imaginary friend to play with when I was young. Alone, that's the price I have to pay by being the only girl, to toughen up against two younger brothers, although both of them are not bullying types. Thank God for that.

But then, I have aunties,  younger sisters of my mother, who are not much older than me. All of us would got together once a while; playing making house, cooking or wedding. Neighbourhood children would eventually joined the band after seeing us flocking behind my grandparents house under the rambutan's trees.

I enjoyed those days, and today, a book brought me back to the days.

I was and am full of imagination. One fine day, thinking about one of my uncle who was an army, I jotted down an imaginary map of his so called army tactical. The map includes the bonkers, army camps and all the necessary things, in a minds of a ten years old child. Maybe it was my reading or my attachment to TV's programme,  but when my a much older aunty saw it ly on the ground, she made a big fuss over it. She thought that it was fallen out of my uncle's pocket. There were a lot of dramas, until I came forward and admitted that it was mine.

I smile whenever I think of that incident.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Letting go

I know what I want in life. I am living my dream, as a scientist. However, as people always mention, there is nothing on the top of the mountain; only you and yourself. And so, I keep finding new mountain to be conquered.

But then again, too many mountains and too many dedications make me tired. I am letting go some of the mountains, although I love them dearly. If I can't help myself, I am sure I can't help others.

Let it go!

Friday, February 13, 2015

I am quitting

Everytime this happens, I always try to convince myself that I should be the one with the big heart. I shall be mature enough to let bygone be bygone and forgive, then forget.

But now, I am not sure if I should be continuing doing, for my own sake. I want to be happy and stress free. I want to be in love with my life, from every angle. I want to be able to smile wholeheartedly.

Life could be so mysterious that, sometimes I feel so dumbfounded, cannot go anywhere or make any decision because all the directions left me with little choices in being me. I am angry, but can't express it because I don't like the after-angry feeling. I am not satisfied, but I can't express it because I know that it will make me look stupid, or I think that I look stupid. Patience and tomorrow, is my only savior. But then again, these two take time and they are killing me.

I wish that I don't have to go through this anymore. I am quitting from this relationship. I gave-up!