Japan and Me - part 1

After thinking thoroughly, I come to a conclusion that my life in Japan, since the first time stepping out of the airplane in Kansai till now, is like riding a roller coaster. I could make it simple and finish the whole experiences in just one paragraph, just like the scientific abstract that I'd usually prepared. Anyhow, it will make no good to anyone who wish to know and understand my point of view.

Many students have come here to study. All of them have different backgrounds, knowledges and even intentions. My intention was to gain new scientific techniques and experiences. I wanted to spend my day in the laboratory and think nothing about the administration works that had started to cripple my mind at that moment.

The fourth day of October, year 2006 was the day that I took the flight to Japan. I left behind my family and friends. It was two weeks before Hari Raya Aidilfitri, meaning that I came here during fasting month. The weather was cold as it was autumn.

It was Friday morning when I arrived in Kansai Airport. No one was waiting for me. Following instructions written by Hosoi sensei in one of his email, I found the ticket vending machine and helped by someone to buy the bus ticket to Tokushima. I was somewhat worried of the next journey because I can't understand a word of Japanese written in Kanji, and only a few written in Romaji. The heart was beating hard during the bus journey because I did not had a clue where was my supposed next stop. Thank God that I brought email by Kak Nunuk. Based on the information of the email, I estimated the time. The bus then reached a big bus station almost on time. I guessed that must be it, my stop.

I was there standing when I saw a girl with tudong waving frantically at me from stairs of the open-air bus station. That was how I met Kak Nunuk. Kak Nunuk, the other Indonesian postgraduate student in the lab and we would spent another two years together. She brought me to Hosoi sensei after check in into the hostel and registered for my alien card at the city hall. Then sent me again to the hostel by taxi. During the whole episode, she used her yen to pay the driver. That was before I knew her story and value of yen to her in Japan and Indonesia.

Nothing much interesting that I can't recalled of my feeling at that time. Probably because of two death happened in my family just a day before I came. It was a numb type of feeling, somewhat between denial and hope. That night, I slept alone in a small room wishing that Yati was around. As my roommate and best friend, we used to chat on almost everything and that too, everyday. Not having someone to share your life changing experiences was like having a void that hurt.

And thanks to Ina, the G3 handphone was working well. Though I can't made a call to Malaysia, but at least I sent a few SMS to inform of my well being. I feeling of that night was like a deja vu. It was like me sleeping my first night in the hostel 19 years ago. One of the longest night!

The someone!

Today, my Facebook first feed is by Dr Shaharum. The following phrase was the content.

`The greatest challenge in this life is to find SOMEONE, who knows all your flaws, differences, weakness and mistakes and yet still sees the best in you..'

I am looking for this someone who can accept my weakness because I am the person full of it. No beauty, no money and full of talking, that is me. And I am looking for someone who I can accept all his weakness and see the beauty in him. That is love. (^_^)

Pokok Sena, my kampung!

There will be another 14 month for me to go back for good, home at last. The number now serve as my motivation to go through the daily life here alone.

Beside the people that I missed so much while in Japan, it is my kampung or village that I can saw through my dreams. At time, I can imagined the traffic lights, the Pekan Sabtu or Nat, the small stalls selling nasi lemak daun pisang, the wet market and the smell. The small kampung now has become a small town of it's own.

Missing the small things that I always took for granted made me sad. Living in the land of our own is the best. We can demand the birth right. And this make me realize the agony of non-bumiputra who are born in Malaysia but seems to be denied the right to make the land feel like their own.

Ah! I love my kampung so much. The river, fishing, bamboo and Jabbar. As you are now at kampung, will you prepare a fishing rod for me for our next venture? (^_^)

Song of the day

A song of Allah names, Asma ul Husna sang beautifully by a singer name Sami Yusuf. Enjoy the video, the voice and the meaning. May Allah bless all our souls and show us the right path to Him.

The eternal life

Most people will perceive that eternal life means living the immortal life, which means living in this world forever. Because of that thought, many stories, be it short stories, novels, films or just words of hearsay coming down from generations were discussing about the secret of living an immortal life. Hence we come across Count Dracula or even the recent box office movie, Twilight which deals with vampires. Both were about characters that can live forever in this world. Much to that, we never think the other way around about eternal life.

Today, it struck me like a hammer on the head that living an eternal life could possibly means the death. This may sound gloomy comparing to the former option, but I accept it as my version of truth about immortality. As far as I know, there is no single person in this world that has live forever. Yes, beside the ghost, and even the ghost is not the living human. If so, for the person who believe there is life after death, the place that we will live forever is the 'world' after our death, the next 'world'.

By the way, all the nonsense above is just to point out that during the past weeks there were many death happened amongst us. Some of them had made a mark in their life as a person in a family, a nation or even to the world. There were amongst others MJ, Marwa El Sherbiny and the latest was yesterday, Yasmin Ahmad. I would like to share my sympathy with the families of the deceased who were left behind. The emptiness of losing a family member will never recovered, not even by time. It may heals but the scar will remains.

Thus, in memory of the loss one we shall always need to understand that they just leave us from this temporarily world. And they are now living their life, as happy as we can pray for, in the eternal world. They are waiting for us to join them later when the time have arrived for us. In the mean time, live our life to the fullest.

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” Pericles

Drunk?

Alcohol drinking is a no-no in Islam teaching. It was among the questions frequently asked by the Japanese regarding Islam. This situation was awkward to me initially because I need to give diplomatic answers as Japanese is known as a sake drinker. I do not want to insult the host and wrecked havoc the party mood. Let the serious explanation take place another time.

Thus, simply say that alcohol is not good is not a very good answer. This is true especially if I don't want to embark into another explanation that will leave a bad taste in my mouth. By the way, last night during the Welcoming Reception I had been asked the question again. In order to kept the answer short, I just said that I can't drink because Islam said so. The person who uttered the question was actually not sober enough to listen to the long explanation. She seems to be highly motivated, happily going around and the face was red in color (flushed face) . I can tell if the drunk person nowadays.

But that is about drunk by drinking alcohol. People can get drunk without having alcohol. I call it, emotionally drunk. It is an intoxication caused by overpowered of emotion. It can happened to such a person who is in love, as example. At this stage, the emotion is the one that control the person. And probably that is the reason we have a phrase that is illogically call 'head over heels' for a person in love. The same emotion of intoxication can happen to a person who fall out of love. Hatred and desire because of the broken heart sometimes can caused a tragic incident. It shows the power of uncontrolled emotion. Anyhow, both situations do not relate to me in any way. It was just that I thought a person under the influence of a great emotion is drunk. Be it good or not, having a control over oneself probably is the best things that a person can wish for. This is me thinking out loud!

Cheers to the long life!

Fall out of love?

Only God knows how much i love human being. Having other person around could be much fun. Talking can be so exciting. I am done with talking to myself. My head is actually heavy with all the talking with myself at the moment.

I love to know anyone who I come in contact with. And slowly will become one of my friends if we can build up the rapport. Not all, by the way. Same feathers tend to flock together.

I always think about my friends though rarely talk or write snail mail, or even send email. That is one of my bad habits, being lazy as LAZY, but I have been trying to be a better friend by getting in touch. However, time will pass by when each of us will then forget each other. Blaming game in our own respective mind will start with accusing the other party of not calling, or probably forget to return call. Sometime emails go unanswered. It seems that up until one point, the eagerness to keep in touch just fly away. Then, there will be time that we really forget the friends.

It did happened to me. It will happen when I can feel that my friend do not enjoy me calling. My message on her phone was only answered after a day or two. Sometimes, I feel that it's only me trying to stay connected. I am wondering if this falling out of love with your friend is really happening or it was one of the articles in the magazine that I read long time ago. Well, I can't keep wondering and can't always be the nice one. I have my own life to live. If this is the end of so call friendship, then let it be. It could be of me being LAZY again after trying to be a good friend to my friends. What can I say, fall out happen. Pardon me for being bad once in awhile. Good people can be boring. (Gulp! Sorry).

Cheers to my friends...

If you can't beat them, join them!

That is exactly the thing that I am doing right now, with my sleeping habit. Sigh! During summer, day start early. Sun will start shines through the sliding doors around 5am. I can't get my 8 hours sleep! It stresses me trying to get back to sleep. Double bonus it seems, not enough sleep and stress.

Nowadays, I will straight away get up once I am awake and will go to sleep at night as early as I can. Depending on my sleepiness. My point is I just need my 8 hours good sleep, by hook or by crook. Anything is fair in love or sleep, as long as you get the point. Heh!

Busy...busy...busy...

My Professor is a chairman for a coming International Symposium that will held this coming Thursday, so our laboratory is a host. I will certainly be involved during the registration day. Apart from that, there is a poster still need to be completed and printed today. It is a scientific poster for my presentation during the symposium day. I was quiet busy preparing for the poster and data since last week. Though yesterday (Monday) was a national holiday (Day of Sea), still lab was my priority.

And then, the LC3 was showing some explainable data and supporting data of apoptosis seems to be acceptable. I am, however, is still not convinced till I had done the control experiment once again. If everything goes as expected, I can then start writing the discussion for my article and plan new experiments for the next project. I pray hard that this time the data was not a false alarm anymore. Pray for me too, please. (^-^)

A mockery of friendship

Out of blue, I have become too sensitive lately. There are many reasons that contributed to my state of heart but I think it is better not to tell a tale of heart very often. Thus, I shall jump into the main topic and save the day.

One of the things that touch my heart recently was the story of Sister Juliana Md Fuzi who had passed away the last two years. She was killed by a pair of lovers. Yesterday those two were sentenced to death.

The female murderer was once a friend to Juliana while both were studying in a primary school. They were then going separated ways when entered secondary schooling. By fate they met again during one their school re-union. Weeks later, Sister Juliana was tricked, robbed and killed in a room of a small budget hotel by the couple.

It was a tragic story of mankind because both girls only age 19 years old when this took place. Both were college students and had bright future in front of them. Based on the newspaper report, the young murderer, she was not able to accept the sentenced and cried heavily upon hearing the decision by the judge. Her mother had to calm her down. The boyfriend who is 27 years old has a child and a wife. His mother was reported to cry when he was taken away from the court. It was a heart wrenching moment for all in the courtroom but whatever happened had happened. There is no way to turn back the time.

This morning, too taken by the report that tugs my heart so much, I goggled for their story. The tale got personal by reading these two blogs by Sister Juliana’s housemates (1, 2, both blogs are in teens writing style of Malay language by the way). I just pray that Sister Juliana is happy in her new place as she was a good and obedient daughter and lovable friend.

In this case, all the families and friends involved in this case are in pain. Be it the murderers or the one being murdered, nobody wins. If only the murderers paused for a second and think before they strangled her to death, I believe life will be much happier for all.

* The writer decided not to mention the murderer’s names because she believes that by doing so, she is giving them credit. This writing is just a way to remember the tragic death of Sister Juliana Md Fuzi who was very much love by her families and friends though the writer never know her. May she rest in peace and may Allah bless her.

A mockery of stress

It is the high time for me to move myself away from the current pressure. As a rule of thumb, to stay away from the laboratory is a no-no. And it is not the best time either to call in sick and escape for days especially by the end of next week our lab is going to host an international satellite conference and I am going to present a paper by poster. It is actually one of the reasons of the sleepless nights and some pain of the right shoulder. It was my subconscious mind, I knew about it long time ago. The subconscious mind of mine usually work against me in the time of high tension. I had tried but it seems that I was unsuccessful in all my attempts to leveraged with the subconscious to minimize the effect of high stress. Enough said about the stress level. I will be okay once I set my feet on the land of Malaysia, that is for sure. Sigh!

After doing some reading and thinking, I have develop a plan to divert my attention and having something less pressuring to look forward. It is a small garden of chili plants. A cayenne pepper/ chili! I just transferred the 5cm chili plants into 8 individuals small pots. Hopefully, by next week I can see some growth. Now, it's like the critical point to see if they can survive the transferred procedural. Wow! Sound like I just did a surgical procedures! Heh!

By the way, I bought the best compost soil and hopefully the plants like it, good for them if they do.

The whole idea is a mockery of my stress level, by adding another pressure into a life which is already full of commitments. (^_^)

Because of You!

In the previous post, I stated that I had resurfaced after a long hiatus. It had and it was and it is because of God.

People can't just rise from nothing into something. (^-^)

Is it stress or aging process?

The first one year living in Japan was like hell, so to speak. Human can't just simply fall into a shape as he/she wish to. We are unlike water. There are life patterns that die hard, there are heart that beating, there are souls that empty which lead my life into a pit of darkness. It did really happened until one day I decided that enough is enough. Thus, I raised back to the surface and here I am.

Had been living in 'hell' made me aware of my self especially the energy and emotional state. The past few months, my body was not like it used to be. I felt tired easily. The last couple days, I felt like every muscles of me cried while waking up from bed early in the morning. However, once I reached the lab and started to do the routines, the pain just went away slowly. I was and am afraid that it might be some kind of warning from my body.

Being half-bake in health sciences is no good because the person will always end up being too precautions. It is like you know something but you don't know anything.

Life is full of cause and effect. Unhealthy body will lead to unstable emotional state . Thus, I plan to take supplement such as vitamins. Hopefully, by doing that, my energy will be restored back to normal.

It will be another one year before I go home for good. At this point of time during this study period, every single energy and strength, be it physically or mentally are very much important.

Sometimes, I wonder if it all happened because I was pushing myself too hard. However, I doubted myself. This is because I spent the last two days did nothing associated with works. It was all play.

Ah! My last resort is to say that this is happening because of aging? Sigh!

Flavor of the day - tomato rice II

Yes, 10 minutes after 6pm, we were all sat together in the meeting room for dinner. The Professor did took some to bring home for his wife, Keko san. I asked him to.

Luckily, the rice was just nice and not too soft as sometimes happened whenever I cooked tomato rice and so the kurma beef. I added peanut powder (just before turning off the fire) into the kurma and it masked the smell of spice and bring out a distinct flavor, a little different than usual taste. It was actually a tips from my mother, the way my village chef will cook for a kenduri (party).

When I wrote that the aroma of my cooking travel to the whole floor, I am not exaggerating. Matsuo-san (our lab technician) told us that he can scent the spice flavor from the 4th floor elevator at the end of the building. It was far because our lab is located on the 6th floor at the opposite end of the building. Hopefully no one is going to complaint about this. It could be a big issue if someone wants to. This is because down stair is a dental ward and maybe it could caused trauma to the patients. We wouldn't know the effect, would we?

Anyhow, everyone seems happy, eating and talking. Yao-san busy defending the recent Uighur problem in China. Hosoi sensei talked about almost everything, he have a lot of ideas. Jakhlan told us about how rich Mongolia is because the land has many types of metals. Matsuo-san did not talk much and eat a little, unlike his usual self. Having too many things in his head probably. Hasegawa sensei seems to love my cooking. The way he ate, make me wanted to prepare meals for him everyday (How sweet!). And Akamatsu sensei, he just sat there, ate, joined the conversations here and there and smile most of the time. He was overworked. He is one of the committee member for a coming scientific meeting by the end of the month that will be held in Kuramoto Campus.

A successful unplanned dinner.

Flavor of the day - tomato rice

While cooking tomato rice and beef kurma just now, a few lecturers stop by and asking questions to my Professor. The whole floor smell like nasi briyani shop and even Mamik, a neighbour from 5th floor laboratory sent me YM messages. She thought that someone in her lab is cooking something until she saw my YM status.

It was just 1 hour cooking but because we set the dining time at 6pm, so it was 2 hours waiting time. And as usual, my Professor was walking in and out of the meeting room. He even hinted at 5pm just now that if we can have the dinner earlier. Unfortunately, everyone was and still busy and his request was ignored. Pity him. By the way, today he brought green vegetables to be eaten with the meals. O'tanoshimini, me either can't wait for 6pm.

In 20 minutes, we are going to have our dinner. I pray that it is enough for everybody and taste good.

The last foreign student of Hosoi talks about hobby

Currently, I am the last original student of Hosoi sensei. We have another student but she belongs to a clinical department. Her time as a PhD student is ticking but unfortunately she was lack of scientific data to graduate. Hence, Prof Hosoi was asked to co-supervise her and he is actually doing a favor.

The other only female in this department is Yao sensei. She is a Chinese by nationality, fluent in Japanese language and now working as an Assistant Professor in the department. This morning, I had a short interesting discussion with her. It’s regarding hobby. She insisted that she needs new hobby because all works without play make her dull. Not only that, it is like having nothing to be excited about and she believes that is not good for the brain, no stimulant. What a coincidence? My inner self is talking out loud about my next hobby venture.

She used to do knitting and even able to finish knitting a piece of shawl last year. Wow! Her only set back was that she would be totally immersed into the thing that she forgot to cook for her son. We laughed at it. It happened to me countless time. I don’t want to dwell on it. It will then leave me with no mystery and that is not good for my personality.

She then asked me about my hobby because she wanted to have ideas. Looking for a hobby could be tiring. I had the experiences. Beside cooking and reading, none of others had work for more than two weeks. I am now trying my best to engage myself in macro photography using my small digital camera. And then, I have a few chili plants to grow. The ghost shrimps that were brought back from the river while camping last week still alive, only few by the way.

Talking about hobby, I will cook tomato rice and beef kurma tomorrow in the lab. I just wish that all this will help me to have a healthy heart, away from stress. But yes, the kurma and tomato rice have enormous amount of fat. Let’s say that we can drop our diet plan once a while. Sigh! Am I contradicting myself again?

Clever versus intelligent, or just being intelect?

I have many academic degrees but yet I don't even know how to plant a flower perfectly or to take care of car if it break down. To point out the least, I don't have a gut to speak Japanese with a Japanese in front of my friend who is fluent in Japanese language in fear of making mistakes. Thus, the certificates that I have do good to a certain extends only. It does not cover the whole areas of my life to make it picture perfect. I still have many weaknesses in me.

This brought my attention to EQ or emotional intelligence. Being here in Japan amongst a close circuit of Malaysian community, with most are Malay suggested that we, Malay have to move forward crossing the boundaries of limited identities. It was way too long that this race had hide behind the New Economic Policy. The mentalities of always being supported and sponsored have become us. It somehow has crippled us.

Recently, I had witnessed a problematic student who cracked under pressure, probably because of the easy ride that is always belong to us, Malay. It happened just after three months being here. Some of the students who came here probably gained straight As for SPM. Others maybe are amongst the best of the best. But then again, it does not mean that they will succeed in handling their emotions. Believe me, handling emotion is actually 50% of the joint account that make people triumph. Water is not hard but once its changed structure into ice, it is powerful. Mind you, ice had drowned a Titanic, the biggest ship in its era.

The other thing that happened here make me realized that we need to level our self as nobody. A young married woman who was planning to give birth, but couldn't’t speak or understand Japanese language did not seek help, like asking opinions from others who had previous experiences giving birth in Japan. At the end, she had difficulty during labor; the child had sort of complications and was warded for a few days in neonatal ICU because of the procedures that she chose. So much to pay for a pride but I hope that she learned her lesson and started to ask questions.

A day by the river side

I love water, be it for drink or for just for its streaming sound. Isma invited me to join the rest for a day by the river and I would be the last person to say no. Yes, it was another stress excuse for me. To cut the long story short, it was a day of fun and healthy for heart.

Let off steam!

It was a difficult week for Mirza, Mira and me. We somehow were entangled in our respective web of life that make us exhausted. Went home early last Friday evening, I was thinking of having quiet evening by my own, sobbing till I fell asleep. But then again, life other plan and the two girls asked me out. It was not a plan but we just let it go with the flow.

We had heavy dinner in Capricciosa. We ate dinner of set of three for three people, where we usually shared amongst 4 to 5 people made us full to the maximum. As it was raining earlier so not many customers in the restaurant. It was just perfect for us to discuss and shared our little misery and let off steam under the influence of olive oil and pizza.

Then, Mirza suggested that we had our early hanabi by the river of Yoshinogawa. Actually, it wasn't allow playing firecrackers in the middle of the night, by the law. Instead of being a law abiding citizen to the fullest, I guess I had let the rebel in me get a little fun.

The breeze was strong that it make it difficult to light the candle. And to be by the riverside without any light with us, gave me an opportunity to enjoy the splendour of light shining the Yoshinogawa bridge and town nearby. It was nice to stay light off sometimes.

By the way hanabi means fireworks/ firecrackers. Mira bought them with her latest payment teachings at nearby tuition center. And we had our fun. Thanks guys! I did enjoy every minutes of out gets together let off steam session.

The LC3

The LC3 protein that I am curiously looking for and obsessively thinking about day and night is nothing to do with anyone life. Basically, it does exist in every cell of all living organisms; be it human, animals or plants. We never care for it though it plays a big role in maintaining our cells system though the autophagy. Yeah, it’s only one of million proteins anyway. Nonetheless, I care. This is because this protein is a must for me to find for my final conclusion for the so called article that to be published. In any story, we need an ending. LC3 is the ending of my PhD story. It is supposed to be.

Last night was the last of me pretending that a miracle would happen. It did not. My previous data from western blot stayed only in the past. I can't repeat the same pattern with this new antibody of LC3. My heart had broken into thousand pieces again. However, instead of feeling sad I felt strangely calm. I went to see my Professor and confessed. He, probably 50% drunk because of the wine just said that's fine. We will meet and discuss again about the whole ideas of the autophagy process this coming Sunday or Monday.

It is weird to think that how a few dots on a film could make one so helpless.

Morning with miso soup!

In one of my post previously, I did mentioned that I love miso soup or know as miso siro in Japanese. Based of this soup is fermented soy beans and flakes of dry bonito fish (or Pantai Timur people knew it as ikan aya). Those are the main ingredients. The soup tasted quite salty and a little foreign for Malay taste bud. I can't even finished my first bowl of miso soup.

As the soup is a must for rice set, reluctantly at first, but I tried my best to had it whenever my Professor treated us for meals. Eventually, I came to love it, till now. However, to prepare it will take some time. And I don't know the correct ingredients, though I have the recipes book. Thus, to satisfy my love for it, I go the short-cut way. Get the instant miso soup. Be careful as some of the dashi (the fermented soy beans) contain sake (alcohol). Always read the ingredients!

I have found one that really fully instant and tasted just fine.

My breakfast.

Place it in a bowl.

Pour hot water.

Ready!

Jack of all traits!

Another truth about me is I am not the one who is able to engage people with my story long enough. Since childhood, I knew that I had none of it to be a great storyteller. People will drop dozing off even before I finished my third lines. But then again, I can’t get my brain to stop stimulating. I guess, only death will do that.

These little grey cells (of a brain) of mine, as a famous Mr. Hercule Poirot of Agatha Christie’s character said, that keep stories flowing in my head. It could jump from one section of finance (yes, like how to be millionaire) into another section of heart wrenching love story (like sad song of Isabella’s Search) and then into my life reality of the little mice dancing in the cages. Above all, I still think that my life is nothing and full of no story to tell.

Oh! I could be the Jack of all traits, master of nothing!