Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Get over it!

The most advise which will be given to the person who are having hard time being rejected is "Get over it!". Then, the reply will come back as "How?".

Sometimes when we were in a relationship, we tend to be too focus into our own personal life. The world is ours. Everything that we do is between the two of us and rarely we invite others to be part of it.

As for me the hardest part to take for a breakup if the person said that I cling to him so much. That I do not have other friend and he was the only one and he felt suffocated. Please, dear. "Isn't that is part of the relationship?".

So, back to our discussion, how to get over it? I don't have the answer. I will just let the pain take over me till I can't feel it anymore. I think the best thing to get over something is to fell in love once again. But, not necessary with people. Probably with life once again. Why choose to love human when you know that human can hurt you so much .

I know the only one person who dare not to hurt me. She will rather cry in silence than seeing me cry out loud. I love you so much, mother!


Cheers to life once again!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Video on making miso soup

I found a website with video of how to make miso soup. Please visit the web http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-make-miso-soup if anybody is interested in making and having it....or just for the sake of knowledge. (^-^)

Why pain are painful?

To describe pain is difficult. As for me, the most painful thing is when my heart is being hurt. Usually if it involve death in the family such as when my father passed away two years back, my heart just went numb. I didn't feel anything at all. As early as 11 years old when my dearest great grandfather left forever, I cried out loud but with no tears. That was the first time I felt the numbness of the heart. Do you know the feeling when we can't mourned on the death of the love ones? Wish that you will never experience it.
However, if the pain is cause by someone who I cared a lot, the heart just bleeding. And the blood is like flowing out forever. I can forgive but how to forget, dear.
Cheers to broken heart! (^-^)

Life move on

Dealing with heart broke is the most difficult situation for me. How do you handle the hopeless life? Nothing to be done. I just keep mourning and sometimes too much of it. Till one day when I feel that enough is enough and to helll with love. Then I start walking again and look at life and stop to smell the roses and smile at others. But it will take some time to heal the broken heart.

Cheers to life!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Love & pain

When I love, I love wholeheartedly. When heart broken, the pain is as much as the love which was given. I don't want to love anymore. The pain is too much and unbearable. God, please take away this pain. And take away the love so I don't have to go through this pain again.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Procrastination is the thief of life

Life is defined by time. Simple example is age, a remark to show how long something or someone have live in this world.

Thus, if we procrastinate, the only thing we steal is time. And the only time that we have is our life. We will never able to get hold of the time that have past.

Stop procrastinate and we will get the full amount of life which we deserved. I am shouting out loud not for others only but especially for myself. Cheers!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Celebrate the celebration

This year once again I will celebrate one of the function alone, without family just friends. I do not want to let the celebration pass by without making any mark of it. This is because I believe that if I be happy to celebrate it, then my family will also be happy. I want my mother to know that I am happy here, so she can be happy for me.

It looks like most of people think there is nothing to celebrate without love ones beside. I guess that sometimes the celebration is not just about oneself. Maybe you should celebrate and be happy just to thank the Greater one who have given us chances to live this life. Sure we are not happy alone but just celebrate to show our gratitute to Him.

Celebrate the celebration!

Deppressed and feeling down?

Feeling is controlling human emotion. Scientifically it comes from brain that gives signal to produces hormon. The hormons will excite certain receptors which started biochemical reactions and then a few physical actions can be seen. However, the point is that it all started from a brain.

Then who controls the brain? Us? Images stored in the brain? Last night memory? Last years memories?

I just want to conclude that all the emotions are triggered by our own brain. We are the one who decide which emotions we want us to have.

But there are always situations that we cannot control our emotions or our thinking. I suggest that you get away as far as possible from that situation, calm yourself down and back again when you feel confident that you can control yourself. Sometimes, it is not the situation that is out of control but our own brain. Defrag your brain as many times as possible. Cheers!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Fall in love in Japan

Somehow, I fall in love with miso soup. It is a ordinary soup for japanese people or everyday soup for my Professor. Everyday lunch or meal for japanese is suppost to have miso soup. Smell fishy for for the first timer but tasted good.

I had an opportunity to have miso soup for the first time when I was in Malaysia, in one of the hotels in Shah Alam. But the taste was a bit different. I think the original is much better.

The second time was in Tokushima, the taste is not bad for my liking. Then, every time I can have it together with my meal when I eat outside, I will. I will try to get the recipe of it or the picture of it in the next post. Till then.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Old versus young

Old mind is wiser. Young mind is idea. There is always a clash between the two minds. I chose not to use the word "generation" as I think the differences are between mind rather that age.

Usually the older mind will think that he had tasted all the experiences of life. The young mind will think that the way the old mind handled their life is outdated and new way should be invented. The old mind think that the young mind is too harsh in making desicion. The young mind think that old mind is slow in making action.

The minds talk to the body and this can be seen as action. I think that the both minds are correct as the live in the different world altogether. If possible, the two minds should try to understand and accept each others. Then the two worlds can become one.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Happiness is infectious

I don't know the truth about the happiness myth. Some says that it was born with a person. Some says that we can create happiness by having money. Others says we can buy happiness. And my say is that it is inside us and sometime it is infectious.

Once, my great grandfather who had passed away 20 years ago told me about how we should choose friends. I still believe his words.

Why we choose friends? It doesn't means that we select our friends. We should be friendly with everybody. He told me, "If you be friend with a person who do some dirty work, we will also end up be smelly. But if be friend with someone who work in the perfume shop, he will paint us with the good smell of perfume." Thus, befriend with someone who is happy and you will be happy. Then, be friend with a person who is not happy and bring the smile in her life. We will infect this world with happiness!!!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

To bowl or not to bowl?

Bowling is an interesting game. I had only a few chances to play it as my time previuosly in Malaysia was spending on eating and working (do you realized that working comes after eating). But then the game always thrilled me, as an experiment. A scientist is always a scientist.
I went to play bowling today. A programme organised by Tokushima International Association (TIA). A friendly tournament between Tokushima inhibitants and foreigners of Tokushima.
In bowling, bowler will need to knock down all 10 pins per strike. We are using heavy balls that can be held with only 3 fingers. Technical aside, I will write on my experience of playing bowling.
As if it was written every time I don't expect to much of myself, I will get a strike (knocked down all 10 pins). The thing is that I need to focus on the pin that I want to strike, position where the ball will land once I drop it on the lane and how hard I push the ball. If I lay my body low enough and just let go of the ball at the right position, most of the pins will surely go down. Anyhow, concentration is the main point.
Against all odd, sometimes I witness players who just let go the ball from their hand and let it roll over to the end of the lane. They may not make a strike but at least most of the ball will be knocked down. No explanation of that. Therefore, I rest my case. (^-^)

It's all in the mind!

This sentence was introduced to me by a friend. Simple sentence with a deep of meaning.

First, let me say that we are actually our own slaves. We are what we think we are. As example if we think that we are sick, then we are tend to be sick. Believe me, just try to tell yourself that you are tired, your body is aching and you are getting the flu. Then you will see the effect.

Even, biological science have proved that certain kind of pain can be minimised if the person are distracted from the pain and focus on other thing. I don't have the proof at hand at the moment. But I really belived that because only when we focus on something, we can reach it. So, what if focus? It is non other the concentration of mind. And it's all in the mind.

You may want to read a book "Awaken the Giant Within". It help me somehow to handle my thinking though as human I do make a lot of mistakes.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Witness of history

We are actually real people and are looking or making history of our lifetime. We decided who we wanted to be and who we wanted to be associated with. There is no looking back once the time pass by as that will be a history of itself.

Me, I am looking at myself everyday and still wondering my destiny. Once I wanted to become big and become a conquerer of the world. But I guess I always big and a conquerer of my own dinasty. I am making my own history and also a witness of others making their of lifetime history.

Even games have goals

When I come to think of it, even games have goals. Why don't we have goals? The real life human being should THINK big about the goal but the goal doesn't have to be BIG. I think it is up to the person. It can be big, if the person like it or small if he or she love it that way.

I know a person who doesn't like her mind to be crowded or full like a computer system. She likes to defrag her mind everyday. So, she likes to have day to day goals to gain her BIG goal.

Another friend of mine like to have one BIG goal and she will work like there is no tomorrow to get to her final destination. She only stop once a while to take a deep breath, like hanging out with us, the gang and afterwards start again.

Me, at the moment am playing a strategy game online with a bunch of gang of a cartel, www.gangstermind.com. They have an objective to be accomplish after 7 days for a round. Who said PhD student cannot entertaint thyself? May the force be with me....(^_^)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Lesson from KungFu movie

Probably by now the rumours had travelled around the campus. "C'na want to quit her PhD." I sometimes got some messages from friends and colleagues asking how I am doing. Some of them thought that I am already back to Malaysia for good.

Guys, I am staying. Please pray for me that I will be able to finish my study. I know that I have to overcome myself. I need to be student once again. To be humble. Forget the passion and learn like a new kid.

I still recalled one old Cantonese KungFu movie of 70s. When this very Hero wanted to revenge against his enemy, he tried to seek new KungFu Master with new techniques of attacking the opponent. There were various style of KungFu and Drunken Master was my favourite. So one of the request of this KungFu Master was for the Hero to relinquish all of his previous techniques. The Hero did just that and learn again from the beginning and became powerful. To cut the story short, he succeeded in his quest.

Welcoming autumn

Falling leaves of autumn
Leaving the greener light
Yellow and red grasses
Shivering wind passes by
Long night alone
Cold sun shy away
I pray hard
Welcoming autumn
White winter will fly
Then sakura blooming
Again

New day in Japan


When I wake up every morning, sometimes I feel very unenergetics. It is like there is nothing to look forward to. Things have been very dull for me lately in Japan. It has become repeatable and boring.


However, for Japanese (most of them) are teach to always be organised. They are always expect the same thing. That is my opinion.
There is one sensei in my laboratory, Akamatsu who I think really respect his timing. He will come every morning at the same hour, lunch at 12 and going back at almost the same time. We, the students eventually will start wondering if he missed one of his time schedule.


My Professor is also predictable. He will eat around 11 to noon then sleep in his room. Having his coffee throughout the day while checking on us because he is osteocytes...ask me about osteocytes if anyone wanted to know the meaning of this...hehehe! Then he will stay until 8.30pm the most before going home.


So, the post today is just about Japanese in my life and their new day...hehehe! More will come. I am a quite observant kind of person.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Scientist's life


Today morning I was bitten my my lovely pet in the lab. Thank God it doesn't penetrate down the skin. It wasn't all lovely about being here in the laboratory. We still had to face human and problems.


In my early life, most of my friends who decided to become scientists thought that they are not good with human and might as well be in the lab. It doesn't go like that. Sometimes the life just become harder not because of human. The situation that we put ourselves will make it difficult.


Wati always asked me to look from different angle of views when we try to generalise a reason when somebody do someting. By that way we were able to understand the situation better and feeling better about ourself. At the end of the road, value of us is depend on the way we look and feel.


"We are what we think we are. And it's all in the mind." Cheers!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Half full or half empty?

It is actually up to us of how we would like to see this world or in other word is how to be happy. We can always choose to see the glass with half of water as half full of half empty. As example, I went for a shopping with 20 000 yen in my purse. Then purchased things that I need or may be not (ridiculous, isn't it?). Lunch and dinner were free because there were on my friends. Then, I went back home at night. One whole day with activities that were supposed to be a blast with a lot of talking, laughing, eating and shopping but I still felt empty deep inside. Just because of one person.

So, the moral of this post is that I am looking at the half empty glass. Changed of paradigm is needed, and quick! May my heart be strong.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Making decision

I am a realistic and a very very very passionate kind of person. This was written in me when I was born as a scorpio. If I have passion of something, I will try to get it at all cost (money) as my mother once said. This is because I don't regards money very much if compared the the passion. At that moment, I am not thinking with head anymore but with THE heart. This has caused me a lot of problems.

The latest was before I went home for holidays on October this year. When I came here to study, I wanted to do a very best research in my lifetime. I though that PhD is the end of my academia's life. But then, I was and am frustrated to find this laboratory that I am now is a very safe laboratory. I am sure to graduate with the scroll and with a few articles published in the international journal. However, the methodology, the findings and the techniques are all not as I wanted.

As usual, I rebelled. It affected my study. When I went back to Malaysia, I quarelled with the the person that I always rely on. Life was sucks. I was like a molecule of an atom that is in agitated condition. Even the realistic me was very schocked of my passionate me but couldn't do anything.

Then again, the holidays really give me something to ponder upon. Talking to my mother face to face did touch my heart a little. We talked and she tried to see my problem from my point of view. That was when I told her that I will stay in Japan if somebody tell me something that I want to hear.

I called and asked most people who really cares about my academics success. Everybody somehow were saying the same thing. Stay for the future! But for different reasons. One day my friend, Kannan asked me to make a desicion because if not I will keep looking for an answer. And wasting time. I told him "I will after 3 weeks".

At the end of week three, I searched for Esah contact. The person that I want to talk to but afraid of the outcome of our so called discussion. She always talk from the heart with full passion. I called and we talked. She understood my passion. She understood my frustration. And she eventually touched my heart.

The desicion is that I will stay here for myself but not for the passion. I will seek the passion elsewhere. I will do the researches because I love it and wanted to publish some articles, but not because this is the last time I will go through this academia's life.

With God's will (I think He has answered my prayer), I will make do with this problems and turn them into opportunities....(^_^)!

Friday, December 7, 2007

Life with a purpose


I think the best way to live this life is to have a purpose. In science we call it objective. We may have more than one objective but at least one if we wants to start a research. Then, we can consider this life as a field that we want to perform a research. One of the objective is to achive the better of us. I always say that once we reach the best of us, then it is time we will leave this world. Therefore, have a goals, reach to the most of people, forgive ourself and others, be the best person we can and we can leave peacefully!

Problems or opportunities?


As a human being, we are not perfect. Most of us try to and wanted to be one. Me? I wanted to be the best person on earth. The best daughter that my parents can have and the best person anybody can get to know.
Then again, I am not perfect. Deep down in my heart I know that I am not.
What can I tell here is there is always bad and good me. There will be some arguments in my head; should I or shouldn't I. Consciousness. It was just that sometimes I manage to overcome the bad thought. Anyhow, it is still the same me who is doing thinking. Thus, for me I have to accept the real me. I am not good enough because I am a human being; nor god neither angel.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

My dear Esah


I wanted to dedicated this post to her, my dear friend. She brought inspirations to my life. She look up life like no other people had shown it to me. she do not let me see the world through her lenses but mine. She is my inspiration (^-^)!!!


She's not brought up as a spoon fed girl though she's supposed to earn that, easily. Her childhood is not a fairy tale. She lost her dad in a very early age, when she was 3 years old. Not just that, at 4, Esah learned that she has to walked on this earth with the help of two sticks. Nevertheless, it never made her less. Thanks to her mom who is the real pillar of her life, the fate has just make her more.


In her early life, I never know her. I guessed it must be difficult. She used to travel by bus to the school. Yes, her mother needs to make a living and cannot afford to send and pick her up . I believed that she wanted to built Esah self confident by being tough on her. It did.
Esah enjoys her school days life with lots of friends and a group of "bestest" friends. Her gangs will always be there for her no matter what. She studied in the best school of her hometown which was quite far from her house. She pulled herself through the academia's life and now is a PhD holder, from the best university in London. This is all because Esah believe that she is not second compared to other kids. She did that by being herself and stand for herself. At 32 years old, she proved it. Congratulations!!!


I really love her (*-*)....thanks Esah for being a part of mylife!!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Friends?


Do you know what is the definition of friend? How many categories of friend that exists in this so called world? Do you know who is your friends? Or would they remain as your friends?

Last night I make a called to a friend, a long lost friend. I consider myself a lucky person to have such a friend. I have not make any contact with her for about a year. But anyhow we remain friend. She still love me as the last time I can remember. She is still passionate about me and my well being. And I for her.

She has made a lot of progress as a person. She has changed and mature a lot but for the goodness of herself. Deep down, I believed she is still the same person who smiled at me the first time we met at a boarding school.

We don't send gift to each other. We don't wish happy birthday each year. Nevertheless, we called, we contact and we connect with each other. And with a tons of LOVE.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Bagaimana menghadapi cabaran?

Aku tanyakan soalan ini bukan untuk tatapan atau perbincangan. Akan tetapi persoalan ini adalah untu diriku. Dah puas aku berfikir dalam beberapa bulan kebelangkangan ini. Samada aku mahu teruskan pengajian di sini atau berhenti. Aku sebenarnya dalam kebingungan yang teramat, kekusutan. Tentu teman-teman disekeliling tidak percaya jika aku katakan aku tidak berjejak pada bumi dan tidak berpaut pada langit.

Sebagai seorang manusia yang di lahirkan dengan sikap optimis, aku adalah tempat bertanya dan meluahkan perasaan bagi teman-teman atau kenalan di sekeliling. Teramat jarang aku mengalami keadaan di mana aku tidak mengetahui kemahuan sendiri. Hidup aku sentiasa terarah. Namun tuhan menguji aku. Aku kini berada di dunia di mana aku tidak dapat menentukan arah ku sendiri. Ini adalah ujian yang maha besar bagiku.

Lantas aku cuba mencari diri dan arah tujuan. Aku berharap pada ranting-ranting yang selama ini berteduh di bawahku. Bagaimana mampu ranting itu menahan rengekan dan desakan aku. Maka aku secara tidak sengaja telah memberi tekanan pada ranting-ranting itu. Rekahan pada pangkal ranting telah bermula. Dan aku bukannya semakin senang, malah semakin sukar dalam mencari sedikit kegembiraan di dalam cubaan ini.

Mungkin perkara terbaik adalah dengan bersabar. Mengurang berkata-kata dan berfikiran negatif. Maka akan aku jauhkan kata-kata buruk dari berlegar-legar dalam ruang fikiran dan angan ku.

Moga aku tabah. Moga ini adalah perkara terbaik dalam hidupku.

Gombatte ne!