The social me...finally!

I thought I am an introvert, until I met a true blue introvert. She is like a textbook of an introvert. Every description of an introvert definitely fall into her lines of characters. It is like studying another perspective of human being. And it is definitely not me.

I love human. I love small talk. But, at times I will behave like an introvert, curled up in my own cocoon, thinking and feeling depressed because I have told others of myself too much. Then it occurs to me that it maybe because of inferiority complex, which details I came across about 20 years back. Probably because of my family background, and experiences or my look. But then again, those were histories.

I am extrovert, to the T.

Time and again...

I am trying my best to be a good person, to have a positive outlook on life, and to think clearly each day. But then again, I am just a human being, with all the flaws. There will be days when by heart goes against my mind. And there will be days where my feeling cloud my judgement. And there will be time my anger superseded my love. Those days may be rare, but there would be there.

I have been trying to forgive myself for all it's worth, to be that lovable person. Only God knows how much I have tried. If I fail, please pardon me, time and again.

The aftermath

The after flood sceneries are at their worst. I haven't been to Kuala Krai or Gua Musang, but received a lot of feedback through my colleagues who went there for community works. These people need a lot of help for them to stand tall again.

Our deputy dean of community service is actively seeking donations and she hasn't stopped going to those places affected by the flood since the day she came back from her trip. She was away when the flood took place. The lady was deeply concerned with the scenario of the victims, that she has sleepless nights.

Adapting

Added responsibilities mean less hours for myself. On top of that, my best friend, Ina, who just started working after 3 months of maternity leave asked me to accompany her and her new baby at night, sleepover at her house, three times per weeks. And another less time with Maru. 

So, these activities have gone on since past two weeks. 

Although I enjoy doing all these because they limits my alone time, but my sleep patterns as well as my eating patterns have changed. Any changes will surely need some adaptation. 

I am adapting. 

Hope that my mood remains calm, placid and compose during the period.

Going home, finally!

After almost, two and half month, I am going back to my hometown. To visit my mom, siblings, nieces,  nephew, and my extended families. I missed them terribly. The initial long holiday was planned to start right before Chrismast until a couple days before the new year. But God has another plan for us in KB. The little tsunami not only caused extreme flood in Kelantan, but the rain made me stuck in KB. Well, the land road to my hometown was close due to landslide.

Things have been getting back to normal in KB, although in other parts I doubt that it will be anytime soon.

Hope the journey back home will be a good one.

Love her anyway

A decision had been made, about sometimes ago. I will live my life in an objective, my lifetime objective. There will be no other way for it. 

As for love, I will give in, full heartedly. I will never make any queries and ask anything back or have any expectation. I will love anything, anyone or any conditions. Love will be my biggest quest of living my life. And all those are for one objective. A reason that worth everything that I thought I owned, but it was given. 

I just fall in love with this one person, who is lovely outside but fragile inside. But I will love her anyway, because she is my responsibility as another human being and as a sister. I know that it will be a big task, but she is here because He wants it that way. 

New year and new post!

Bigger responsibility means that we have less time in hand. And people thought that young individuals don't have an opinion.

Those are two things that I have in mind right now.

I was elected by my colleagues to take care deputy office for a year. Thus, last two weeks, my works began. But the original one didn't want to move out of the office yet, which left me with no choice but to work from my office. I don't mind because I would prefer my current office better. But, meeting after meeting made me tired, mentally and physically. Yesterday, I skipped breakfast and lunch. Thank God, Masi joined me for a dinner, a proper one.

And then, my acting chief of staff question my decision to have a meeting. Come on! It's January and we are supposed to prepare for 2015. No meeting means no preparation for the whole year to come. I am not new to the school and I know my job!

But, we are all human. We forgive, forget and move on!

Happy New Year 2015. All the best!

Maru's pregnancy

Maru second pregnancy is a lot better on her. She seems okay with her conditions, only at times, she sleeps a lot. Her appetites is normal nowadays, not too picky with food anymore. I'm trying to provide her with varieties of can fishes. This time, I pray the babies will survive.

A garden full of love

Love is like a beautiful flower which I may not touch, but whose fragrance makes the garden a place of delight just the same.
                                                                                                                                         Helen Keller

I am delighted to have her around. Getting to know someone is a process of understanding oneself. I am not doing a favor for her, but instead of myself. She is like a reflection of a younger me, got overwhelmed by this world that countless times left me helpless. At times, I was left wondering of my existence and purposes, till one day that I realized, enough is enough! I may let the water run over me or I just keep paddling the boat to stay afloat. 

The journey in this world has never been easy. It will never be easy. That is not the reason we are here, to live an easy life. One has to search for their purpose. I have found mine. 

She is a wandering soul and sometimes, when I saw her like that, my heart shrank with pain. I wish I could do a lot more for her. 

I wish I could be a garden full of roses for her. 

Who are to blame?

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein.

Life teaches us about many things, including love and hate. We keep falling in love, and falling out of love. The love sometimes turns into hatred.

And normally, we will try to blame others of our shortcomings. As best as human tries to run away from their human nature, it keeps popping up. Well, we can keep arguing till death. Nothing can stop us from doing so. We can just for the sake of blaming, take gravity as a cause of us falling in love. But then again, we know the truth, deep down in our heart.

We may be able to run and hide, but as a saying goes, 'Thing happens for a reason'. Just stand up and accept the fact that things do happen, and they could be a good reason behind it. We might not know about it today, but eventually we will come to know about it.

So, of me falling in love, I must take the full responsibility.

The fault is mine

Love to faults is always blind. William Blake. 1908.

And it is my weakness., that I can love to the faults. And be blind to the watching world and the witnesses of my stupidity. 

I am givers who had bent down on my knee begging for love because the sorrow that surrounded me was too much to swallow. I let go of the string that attached to my heart long ago, threw the only key to my heart in the middle of the night into a deep lake. The pain has long gone, but I still afraid of asking for love, touching love. I can only give my empathy, but not love. 

The fault is mine, because I love to the faults. 

Malaysia closing in year 2014 with heartache!

Today is only 3rd of January of 2015, but I am still surviving 2014. The big flood in some parts of Malaysia, especially Kelantan and particularly Kota Bharu,  left me dumbfounded. I was speechless for a few days. On top of that, another plane crisis took place. Although it was an Indonesia's Air Asia, the parent company belong to Malaysia. Thus, it was Malaysia third plane accident, which happened one after another in 2014. 

What a year Malaysia?!! We pray, we unite and we will survive!