Monday, March 15, 2010

She was here

She was here last night, just before the first light of the sun shined on the land of Tokushima.

I was very delighted, excited and happy to see her tough in my mind; I knew that it was impossible for me to see her again. She, in her white school uniform was there, standing and surrounded by a few younger girls and she seemed to be teaching them of something.

I took a hard look at her just to confirm that it was her. I knew her short hair style, just above the shoulder, and that familiar round face. She then looked up, saw me and flashed her winning bright smile.

I asked her, what she’s doing here; her presence puzzled me a bit. She, out of everybody that I knew, was here. It was a long time since I saw her, almost two decades.

Smiled, that’s all her replied.

Anyway, I wanted to hug her and told her that I missed her a lot. But as I approached her, she was fast moving away, smile and gone in a second.

That was when I woke-up.

Kak Pah, as she was known adorably amongst our batch in SAS. She left us 19 years ago. We were friend since Form One but after SRP I went to MARA College. Since the school holidays between MARA school and government school differed, I made an effort to go and see them all at school during a MARA school break.

That was the last time I saw her. About a month later someone told me that she had passed away.

After her death, some friends did mention that she acted strangely few months before her death. She was sick but nobody knew exactly what the disease was.

Me at that time was a very self-obsessed-person whose goal was success never took notice of anything beside myself.

However, during the visit a friend did say something that I thought weird, ‘Kak Pah wanted to see you, go. Don’t let her wait, she’ll get angry’ but I never take time to churn it out. Knowing her as she was, her middle name was never anger. Nevertheless, I just shrugged the statement off. We met and talked before the bell which ended the recess-time rang. That was the last of her.

I still have her IC photo that she gave me. I still remember her. But I never dreamt of her, not even once.

But her death was the second death in my life which did affected me somehow. Probably, the stresses that I am going through in my life have shaken-up the memories in my head really bad.

But, if she was really here to visit me, I am happy because she looks happy.

6 comments :

Naz in Norway said...

Salam..
We all have regrets...kalau tak ada pun, kita cari sampai jumpa...fitrah manusia kan.

I guess what's important is to take the lesson from yesterday and use it as an aid to make us a better person today and tomorrow.
No more regrets.
Peace of mind.
Clear conscience.
Smile :)

naba the mutant said...

Sis, that’s the thing….the hardest part of being me is not about forgiving others but my self. My brain ni kdg2 mcm tempt recycle jer….all the memories were bundled up and then kept somewhere. Once awhile, if there is a short circuit, mcm2 keluar.

I guess letting go is the best gift that I can give myself….hehehe!

Naz in Norway said...

Of all the favours that you could do in life, the most meaningful one is to be kind to yourself. To be self-accepting and to love yourself in a way that nobody else could do.
Believe me, THAT is very empowering :)

naba the mutant said...

Thanks a lot for the advise :) and yes, I do believe u...

i think i pushed myself too hard, most of the time...kena change to 'be nice to ME first' philosophy, good idea...hehehe!

Naz in Norway said...

OK Since you've been a good girl, that Jordin Sparks' song on my blog is for you :)

naba the mutant said...

WoooooW!

Sis, one step at at time...takut tak sempat nk kejar ketapi kat jepun nih....nahaih! ;) hahaha!

TQ:)