The monster within.....

After months, here I am again, blogging. Life has been good, with more responsibility as human being, daughter, sister, friends and colleague.

An excuse for me to be here is just me missing the blogging world. This blog of mine had become a part of me for the past four years, bested (if this word ever exists) of best friends, and it was hard to let go.

Looking back in a very constructive standpoint of the past six months, I knew that accomplishing the degree was the best thing that ever occurred. Nonetheless, it had unleashed the other part of me who had been under the constraint for the good four years. The heat of the atmosphere of my beloved country had added to the unbearable strain which left the mind paralyzed. The monster finally had successfully taken over my body and flew it to the hell of unknown emotions. But then again, I thank God. The G factor had brought me back to the smelly earth that I love so much.

Yes, it was the G factor all along that brought me back.

A simple me

I am not an angel and not even having a tiny angel-like personality. But I would like to believe that I am not dreadful either. Preferably, I would settle for an average human being, neither good nor bad.

Thus, I do have limit. Please never underestimate my anger or the patience. At the moment, I am trying the best to be the better person.

I wish I have all the courage to say, “I am done with you!” But then again, there is a small voice keeps insisting on the value of a relationship.

I wish that life could be a little simpler.

Bend It Like Me?

There was a single incident that still played strongly in my mind though it happened almost a decade ago, something to do with football, Britain and the Aussie visitors.

During one fine day in a meeting room of Human Genome Centre, I was sweating profusely as the honorable Aussie visitors from Adelaide University was about to reach the department and I would be the one giving the welcoming talk; a short introduction of the department and the school. Nonetheles, being rehearsing the presentation for the xth times, I was ready, or thought so.

Once they made the entrance the atmosphere was very serious and there I was standing and blabbing, remembering every words.

“As for the training, at the moment, we have a student studying in the Manchester United…..”

Silence.

Opss…

“Manchester University.”

Laughter.

The Aussie Professor smiled for the first time, “Everything is about David Beckam nowadays.”

“Yes, Bend It Like Beckam.”

Work but no work blues...

Sometimes, I might sound pompous. Oh! Well, most of the time actually. But since this was happening once more time, it really drive me nut. Oh! Please stand by me, a self-importance little woman who think that she was so bored with her life. The one and only raison d'être was that she thought she was underwork (though always underpaid?) which out of sudden instill a need for her to go all out searching for work to be done.

But then, don’t get me wrong. I am a well paid worker who has been working with this company for the past 8 years.

Prior to a life in Japan as a student, the working life had never been so undemanding. My former boss was a workaholic surgeon with responsibilities more than the average people can handle. Since he was able to do more things, he had a similar anticipation on me, and most of his subordinates. Thus, to stop and smell the roses was a luxury in those days. Then Japan came, which life pattern was nothing new to the whole world. They eat, drink and sleep with one word only throughout the life, WORK! The 8 years training left me with no choice but to think that life is all about filling your day with work, not just simply to attend the work place.

Therefore, this ‘me’ found that the pace of my work was too slow creep a hell out of me. Moreover, the free time (during work hours) gave me enough time to wonder into ideas where one of it was I’ve started counting money of other people bank’s account. Ops! Sorry. That is an in-house joke about a particular housewife who we speculate had spent her free time counting the money of the students with scholarships since she was well aware of other people expenditure. Easily said, I’ve started to wonder other people life which is against my principle. I can feel that I have become so negative that my DNA (which is also negatively charge) was coming out of my body, in view of the fact that two objects with same charge experience a mutual repulsive force. Oh!

So, what do I do?

Well, I need work. I create one.

I asked a dental master student of another lecturer whose project was co-researched with me to come for a little introduction tutorial. Not only that, I had volunteered to teach two laboratory’s technician on the basic of molecular techniques. Besides, I did volunteered to review a few articles intended for a book publication.

I lied. Those were not just one work.

The list is growing by second.

I just wish somebody will come along and stop me before I am overload again. Probably asking me for water skiing in Langkawi will do for the time being.

New guy on the block

Move aside MekDi. Here comes MatB, Mat SalaiB. This Mat B is seing taking his place slowly but confidently around stores in front of KK Campus. And the first one that I bought tonight was the Mat Beef. Suprisingly, the cook added enough black pepper sauce and mayonnaise plus the regular chillie sauce which of course brought out a different taste. An alternative choice besides Ramly's, I guess.

Adaptation is the word

My friend on FB suggested that adaptation is the right word and steps for me at the moment. We difinitely speak the same language.

I believe there is a thing we called adaptation. It is a process of fitting in. In my case, it is basically about to find my niche in a place that I used to have a roof of my own. It was about 4 years that I left this place. But now, I am behaving like a fish out of water.

It never crossed my mind that coming back was so hard. And it was not that I never come back this place at all. I was here twice in four years time. It now occurred to me that I underestimated the power of belongings. Probably, time do have the ability to change the environment plus the people themselves.

I know it's the matter of time that I can feel at home again. But somehow, I am a slow learner with a big trait of being impatient, not a good collaboration though. And a hard one to please oneself.

So, the first step that I took was to arrange for my car to be sent here and thus I can roam around Kb once more. Other than that, I will start some new experiences, such as, design a small japanese style garden or go to school again. Not the science class, but some religious class of maybe trying to stitch my shirt. The list will goes on by time. I just need to be more patient.

Nothing out of nothing.....

Life has been so good that I forget the heat of the sun shining through the blue sky of Malaysia. Nevermind the heat; since eating, talking and laughing out loud have become a regular thing, everyday, life is great! Gone the day where Naba only talk five sentences a day, it was a history though the past was not very far behind.


For that, I only has one thing to say; thank God for the good life.

But then again, I was threading on a thin line when food and BFF were the subjects. For the past few days, I almost lost it; the coolness of being Naba. Although being Naba is about stay cool, but being Naba also means you can be the worrying soul who eat other souls to be strong, just like the Pedang Setiawan comic or internationally known as Storm Warriors. OMG!

Having rice as a source for nourishment for breakfast, lunch and dinner is like living in heaven but not when body weight and health are your main concern. The same goes when your BFF was in the midst of getting a life partner, the feeling tossed in between sadness and happiness. All in all, everything seemed so confused as if I have been smothered by a thick blanket.

Anyway, at the end...I choose to think positively which is about controlling the mind since everything is all about the mind's perspective. And the perspective could be very vary from a person to another.

I shall brave the storm because I think that it just another type heavy rain. Afterall, I should think that it was just a drop of water in an ocean.