Unstable entity

People should be very wary of me of late. I can’t either able to control my tongue or my words. The emotion, it is running high with anger and worry. The angriness is towards the selfishness that existed in someone heart and soul that even a blind man can see, yet he thought I am too young to be able to judge. The worry is about me, my research and study. The researcher in me is looking for the right way to make myself in my own way. I can’t depend on this person to be my mentor and yet one of my reasons of coming here is to get the international contacts. What can I say?

p/s Perhaps I shall zikir a lot as my mother suggested. Sigh!

Another series of sleepless nights

I have a tendency of difficulty of getting a good night sleep if something is lurking in my subconscious mind. It was not an easy tasked to live my life during the past three years since I started the PhD (permanent head damage?) course. My sleep, the main important factor in keeping my youthful look (sigh!) was deprived.

But then again, I am always an easy prey for stress, always fell for it. As a result, I will have an insomnia, or can't sleep at night.

And now, another series of sleepless night had began. Thanks a lot to the drama with my boss last Monday. Right after the face-off with the boss, insomniac night was initiated.

Last two days, he arranged a meeting with the other scientists to discuss the future of my research (ahem!) and during that meeting, these three men finally agreed that I will submit my article to any journal by February or end of February. That were a good and a bad news.

Of course, I now knew that I can finally dreamt about submitting a paper for publication and then graduation. That is a good news. The bad one, because the time is not on my side, I have to work around the clock, again! The purposes are to get new data ready and at the same time working on my writing. All, in a month time.

Anyway, I can accept that because those are my responsibility as a student. (Yes! What else can I do?)

Adding to the stress is actually this single habit of my boss. It's like rubbing salt into the wound.

What he did since yesterday? Once again the boss started his routine of going in and out of the lab checking every single thing that I touched, did or read, keeping me as one of his lab's rat. Oh! I can only pray that He will let this stage pass as soon as possible. I don't really want to graduate with the other type of PhD, let alone copying the habit of monitoring people instead of work.

Thank God!

How do you like watching three men fighting over you? Hehe!

Well, not really over me but they were quarelling for me. ;)

Today, the three of them sat down after 6 pm and started to discuss of how should my work be finalized. Beside the boss, there were two more scientists in the lab, both unmarried but that have nothing to do with my story anyway.

The two of them, one is in his early 40's and the other is about two years my junior. Both of them have different ideas of how I should write my article. In other words, my research has two different stories.

And this time, they wanted me to write each of the story into separate articles, unlike the boss' idea. I don't know why the boss gave in so easily. I just hope that he will not point his finger at me if the paper is rejected in the future.

Anyhow, I like to give credit where credit is due. The boss, he simply hold himself and not once go overboard when discussion become heated, almost to the quarel level with the younger brother. That was a good character of him, but only with his staffs, not me.

My hero, the older one, he simply sat there and gave his opinion whenever he felt the need to explain. Silent talk louder here.

Me, I just thank God that at last I can see the due date for my paper's submission. Accepted or not will be another different set of stories.

Because I have to...

I just hope that in my older days I will stop and listen to the younger voices around me. Older doesn't means wiser.

I happened to meet and have to get along an old and egoistic persona.

When I started this project, I had again and again insisted that we should be looking at the autophagy. It was an in-thing in research. Nevertheless, the water molecules were the interest of the lab. So, I let go of my idea and think about the water molecules all the way long.

Now, at the end of the journey, autophagy suddendly become the interest because somewhere, in a meeting somebody asked many questions.

Life will never become easy for someone who made life miserable for others.

I bowed because I need to, for now.

YM

Last night we had a session of YM; my mother, brother, sister-in-law and me.

The best thing of talking online with viewcam is that we can see each other.

And yes, I can witnessed with my own eyes that my bother was fatter compared to the last time I saw him. The happy man he was, since his marriage last year. And so my mother, fat and happy. Hehe! My SIL seemed tired, understandably that she was at her final pregnancy stage, waiting to deliver her baby soon. The expected date  is 4th February.

The effect of the happy hour did made me had happier dreams. I can't recalled the dreams but it brought the senses of satisfaction when I woke up in this morning. Aha!

p/s I read my horoscope this morning, it said that I shoudn't bear a grudge too long. Hehe! Wondering who is the unlucky one? Bos? Crap!

Cooling off period

I am trying to cool off since the bos will not be around starting from today for two consecutive days. Horrah!

I had discussion with the little 'brother' regarding yesterday's meeting about my research and as usual our argument was a heated one; his limited vocabulary made me easily insulted and then, I did what I did best, back off. But he later explained his point in a lower note which I was very much reciprocated.

See, I can't get close to any man in this world because it is either I feel that they think I am sooo stupid or I can't see that they wanted to protect me in a long run. I am rather blind when it comes to manly things. Guys out there, is it difficult to talk monotonously? Or like polygamy, monotonous never existed in man's vocabulary?

*Oh! Dear God. Is everything here will turn into man bashing post? Please pardon me. Sigh!*

Red Alert!!!!

I am angry at my bos. He was out of his mind again. It happened yesterday before lunch time. He asked me to do something that can be considered pelik and not in line with my study.

My reason to go against him was that I have another 8 months to be here. Plus minus the writing and submitting the paper, it was going to be another 3 months for lab work.

After the face-off, I went home and didnt even picking up the phone when he called. He left a message in the phone asking me to go to the lab for a meeting with another scientists, if they will agree with him. He used that technique of entrapment so often with another students before me that I knew it by heart.

The conclusion, his proposal was rejected since they felt it will not do any good to my study. But I still need to put up some other data and they are now thinking about one more experiment.

Gosh! Why can't they think about it, let say, two months before I go home so that  I don't have time to graduate? St***d people!!!!