Lately, I think a lot about my father. He passed away about 4 years ago, almost four years. The anniversary is around the corner. Probably I just missed him. I never know that I could missed him so much. By the way it is not that I hate him. It was just that we are so different. We had a very different opinions of how one should live their life. Not the basics of it. He taught me of living the life decently. He gave me opportunity to study, whatever I want to study.
Few years before he died, he was sick. The caused was diabetes. (Yes, he love eating. In his opinion, being fat is as same as wealthy). We argued a lot during that time. I guessed he was just so tired with his life and cannot think straight. Me, being very defensive with my life decision. At the end both of us end up being verbal with each other.
Till now, I don't know the real reasons of him being emotionally unstable. Probably his childhood. He never told us much about his life when he was young. I knew that their family used to be rich, but my grandfather gambled all the money for easy life. The easy life for him, not for the entire family of 10 children. My grandfather bought the first car in the village. Spent most of his time outside the house. Rarely at home. Sold all his entire estate before died at a very young age. Left almost nothing to my grandmother who had to work for others to bring up the 10 children.
My father was a middle child of ten. I still don't know the reason he didn't want to further study. He also choose a path that I think was wrong which sent him to be somewhat unsuccessful. The whole life, money was hard on him. Success seems to elude him. He worked very hard to provide us with necessary things, to give better education. However, he also thought that secondary schooling was enough. He was proud that I finished tertiary education. Did the M.Sc. He passed away before I came to Japan.
Being analytical, he was the only person that who was so close but yet so far. I can't figure out reasons of any action that he took. He love me. He love us. But sometimes he seems to love money more. Maybe I was wrong. Hehehe!
I love him. The love is getting deeper by day. Never stop. I just keep thinking why he did what he did. I am at lost when he was gone. He somehow provide a clear axis of which route that I had to take. He never leave us, the family. My brother once told me that he never thought that my father will passed away. Even when he was admitted to the ICU.
When he was in the ICU, I was just thinking that he would be better and come back home with us. We would take care of him even when he would be paralysed. We will take care of him.
May God take care of him now. He had given me the best that he could. I would never blame him. He was the father that I could wish for. Thank you for be my father. I am very sorry for not being able to be the best child that you want. Thanks a lot for everything.
Few years before he died, he was sick. The caused was diabetes. (Yes, he love eating. In his opinion, being fat is as same as wealthy). We argued a lot during that time. I guessed he was just so tired with his life and cannot think straight. Me, being very defensive with my life decision. At the end both of us end up being verbal with each other.
Till now, I don't know the real reasons of him being emotionally unstable. Probably his childhood. He never told us much about his life when he was young. I knew that their family used to be rich, but my grandfather gambled all the money for easy life. The easy life for him, not for the entire family of 10 children. My grandfather bought the first car in the village. Spent most of his time outside the house. Rarely at home. Sold all his entire estate before died at a very young age. Left almost nothing to my grandmother who had to work for others to bring up the 10 children.
My father was a middle child of ten. I still don't know the reason he didn't want to further study. He also choose a path that I think was wrong which sent him to be somewhat unsuccessful. The whole life, money was hard on him. Success seems to elude him. He worked very hard to provide us with necessary things, to give better education. However, he also thought that secondary schooling was enough. He was proud that I finished tertiary education. Did the M.Sc. He passed away before I came to Japan.
Being analytical, he was the only person that who was so close but yet so far. I can't figure out reasons of any action that he took. He love me. He love us. But sometimes he seems to love money more. Maybe I was wrong. Hehehe!
I love him. The love is getting deeper by day. Never stop. I just keep thinking why he did what he did. I am at lost when he was gone. He somehow provide a clear axis of which route that I had to take. He never leave us, the family. My brother once told me that he never thought that my father will passed away. Even when he was admitted to the ICU.
When he was in the ICU, I was just thinking that he would be better and come back home with us. We would take care of him even when he would be paralysed. We will take care of him.
May God take care of him now. He had given me the best that he could. I would never blame him. He was the father that I could wish for. Thank you for be my father. I am very sorry for not being able to be the best child that you want. Thanks a lot for everything.
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