The last minute attitude that die hard

I am going to present data for my PhD thesis by this evening but at the moment, the presentation is not yet ready. We can safely say that my procrastination is at the peak of all time. And probably, the rushing of adrenaline is doing me no good as I can't feel the heart beat anymore. As either the beat is normal (because I don't feel it) or it is actually not sending any feeling as it is working above the normal level.

Never do this if you want to live happily and looking younger. I know that my face look haggard based on my heavy eyelid. Basically, not enough sleep and caffeine overdose.

Mee rebus and RM100 watermelon

Today is another holiday in japan. Based on the recipe from myresepi.com.my, I've made mee rebus and invited the girls over for lunch. Not sure for the tasted but good enough. By the way, the girls brought with them a watermelon, cost around RM100 plus. Wow!

Angry at love or Bond?

I am Bond. James Bond! And followed with a wink.

Those a sentence I remembered since my early age as I was waiting for my great grandfather to pick me up from the school by bicycle in front of a Mamak's coffee shop, the flirtiuos Bond. The owner love to play the Bond's movies and I was able to catch a few scenes here and there. Sometimes maybe longer scenes if my great grandfather wanted to have 'roti canai' and 'teh susu' (I really miss him). I can still recalled the scenes though. What to do if you have a graphic type of memory?

I am not here to brag about myself. I would just go on to say 'I don't trust any love between two people anymore. As far as I am concern, it's full of b**sh**.'

Wow! That's a very strong words. In this season where flowers blooming heavily and birds singing continuously (but have to be very careful because in between you may heard sound of coughing as a background), love should be in the air. Not for me anyway. I have seen many love that appeared somewhere out of nowhere because the person believe (or make believe) that they are in love. I guess that could happen to me too.

Loving a family is something that come out deep from the heart. But we read about father who raped his daughter. I heard over Hot FM, there was this lady saying about her two boyfriends, 'I love both of them, and if I can, I would want both for me.' God! What she will say if one day her husband said that 'Abang sayang ayang. Tapi Abang sayang dia juga. So, Abang nak kahwin lagi satu.' (I love you, dahling. But I also love her. So, I want to marry her.') Then, serve you right! Mind you, Muslim man can married up to four wife at one time. If he want to marry the fifth, then he has to divorce either one. He can keep divorcing if he plan to marry as many as 100 in his lifetime. There is no rule against that as long as he has money to support his wifes. By the way, I am by no mean against polygamy but like I said, I do not trust love by simply saying it. Not anymore.

In my life, I have tried my very best to accept people as who they are. However, being my weakness I guess, I do truly appreciate any kind of kindness towards me by being dedicated towards them. In time, I was being bullied, hurt, lied and used. Money and time flew. Sometimes I knew but I just let it went away, in the name of love. Another b***sh**!

(Anyhow, I was just hit by a train this morning as I was watching a pair of newlyweds taking pictures by the seaside holdings hands, kissing and laughing like there is no yesterday, no tomorrow and only present. I wonder what is in store for their future?)

'Flu' is the in thing...

When the whole world is worried about swine flu, I am worried with my own type of 'flu'.

On the serious note, yes, the swine flu is killing human and dangerous but hopefully it doesn't cross the continent and arrive at this part of island in Japan. As Japanese is very particular about infectious disease, the prevention at the moment could be at the very stringent in all the international airports, probably. On the contrary, it could be very difficult for Japan as their most closest and respected friend country, USA is one of the main contributor in spreading the disease. Every year, many Japanese tourists will flock into USA for holidays. This pandemic might do some damage in term of tourism. And will surely caused a bigger damage to the world economic which had showed some positive sign by not dropping any further past couple of weeks.

Coming back to my 'flu', I was down with light flu last two weeks. But I am alright now having taken good rest and good medicine. The other 'flu' that I am so worried is that I am feeling too lazy to finish up some of the lab work. Things that could have been completed was postponed unnecessarily. And yet, it has to be finished because I am sending an abstract for another conference in September. The dateline for submission is 19th May. God! I am really killing myself over nothing.

I have only one life

'I would die a thousand death and bear million of pain to live a life with you. No sorrow can a man face will be mine as you're the only one I will sought forever....'

Those are words that can buy a woman heart. I wish someone throw the words to me like Romeo did to his Juliet and I will be his forever. And it does sometimes happen, only in my dreams though. The truth is we only have one life to live. And that to, we the human do forget and let day goes by like a draining water. If only we realize that time can't be purchased and life cannot be bought once gone, probably some of us will try harder to live their life.

As a woman in early 30's, I can say that I've seen many deaths. I have a fragile heart but like a scorpion, I wil try my very best to stand still even under the opress of the heat of desert. Every death kills me. The trauma of losing my father still lingering my life. It is as if he was still around watching me and will come home any minutes when I am at home. In knew that he was gone. Many people close to me and had been my guardian angels had gone. They went to see their maker. I just only wish that I can showed them more love. I wish that I say to them that I will love them forever. I simpy want to say, 'I love you.'

But as we all know, we have only one chance, one lifetime. And that is the only reason I want to love to the fullest. I want to life to the fullest. I want to know that if I am not able to get something, it is because it is not belong to me in the first place. I will try the hardest to get it and then I will retire happily even if it is not mine because I have done the best to get that.

I would want to believe that the life that I live now is the best that I can ask for.

Coup d'état - II

Somehow, there had been changed in the votes and we had new king. Today is the first day of his as a king. He seems very active and is trying to bring the end of the war that we had at the moment. War that only a bunch of us participate and that to was un-organized though it was their idea to find a war target.

I learned a lot from this game. In a group activity, group effort is a must. Leadership comes with responsible and leader has to lead by example. Bring out the spirite of a team and you'll then be a successful leader.

Coup d'état

From the laptop on my desk in the crowded laboratory of Hosoi sensei, I performed our small 'coup d'état' (Wikipedia) in the kingdom of 9:32 of Utopia. I have been used by the other two players but I let them.

It was a very long long time since I started to play with this group. Many group members come and go, but I stayed because of the the King diplomacy and sensitivity. But at the end, if we not moving fast enough to grasp the power in performing the success of the kingdom, the spirit will just die off. He was brilliant in writing and can convince many people with it. But the dedication was not up to my expectation after 6 ages as a leader.

I think, the same goes in real life. Just wait and see if there is any success with this act.

Drugged your wife and keep her yours, forever?

Blogging is just a way for me to let go of the steam. It's like building up an idea in my mind and pours it into words. Yes, it need dedication. That's one of the good thing of me blogging, I am more responsible towards something in my life. Beside that, I am trying to improve my English writing.

Yesterday I read in NST about a husband who drugged his wife to keep her in the house. My mind then started wondering of the state of mind of the husband. Has love blinded him or he is a coward who couldn't face the world? All the thought make me sick in the stomach. Is he really do that out of love or because of selfishness? Or is that kind of human does exist? The questions keep piling up in my mind. So, to stop the craziness of the ideas, I will then write it off because nobody is around to hold the discussion, and talking through phone definitely is expensive. Sigh!

Get going or gone?

The weather is killing me, slowly. It is not that I hate spring but somehow I feel sick. Coughing, having difficulties breathing while sleeping because of running nose and hot cold body temperature really get on my nerve. I don't know to whom really but I felt dissatisfied with my conditions as I cannot move forward fast with the experiments in the laboratory.

And really I am really angry with myself. The laid back attitude of me had been taking over my mind and make me like lying down all the time. It is very difficult to leverage oneself as we are actually aware of it.

Sometimes I need to focus to the someone else life. It is like helping others to help yourself.

Hanami

Sakura (cherry blossom) is one of the trademark of Japan. Even my mother wish to come and see sakura blooming season. The best thing about this flower is that it only blooms in between two weeks time in early April. The whole Japan will be like full of flowers during that time.

And as Japanese is a population who appreciate nature so much, they even have a festival like activity during cherry blossom season, 'hanami'. Every group such as families, office mates, laboratory mates will have outside parties under the sakura trees. It is beautiful sight to see and eventually to join a society who knows to appreciate nature. Quite different from what people used to tag Japanese, workaholic type of person that doesn't care a single soul.

Skroll further for some pictures of sakura....

If time is the enemy...

Sometimes, it is tough to be a researcher. Making a hypothesis is great, means that you understand the conditions and are able to analyze it. It should be supported by a preliminary data that you gather using a small sample size. But then again, thing will turn ugly once the full data that you wish to get does not showing the similar pattern. This is a life that any scientist needs to live.

By this time, the brain will start to offer possible reasons. Usually the solutions could be hundreds. If we have time, it is alright. However, if the time is the number ONE enemy, then we may experience sleepless nights. That’s the setback of being a student, we work against time.

Adrenaline rush is good but not if it happen all the time. As people always say, too much of something will kill us. Try to keep the feet firm and keep moving forward. Pray hard that God will shows the best way out. And do not forget to read as knowledge is number ONE weapon.

Last weekend together

Last weekend was the final weekend for Azian in Japan. A little bit busy for her to accommodate all the attention from everyone, the people of Tokushima who knew her. As for our 'bujangan' female friends, four of us had been quite close since last year. We received new member, Amal but need to let Azian go.

Anyhow, as if to spent all the moment together for the last time, we when to Oboke Koboke of Iya Valley last weekend. Joining us were Anuar and wife, Emi with little Iman who looks so sweet when he cracked his smiles. And a friend of Azian, Berg who came all the way from Osaka to visit Tokushima. The scenery of Iya Valley was very dramatic. The leaves were green, yellow and red in colors, and sakura flowers still blooming. The color of the river was as green as the leaves. The rocks by the rivers made up a few faces of human and one stone carved like a roaming lion. We took the quick tour by the boat to see it all. And then moved a long to Kazurabashi, to see the hanging bridge and had chicken BBQ, simple one but nice.

The next day, all the ladies of Malaysia and Indonesia held a farewell party for Azian. It was a potluck party at Isma's apartment. Iro-iro ryori. But it was quite teary during the farewell and well wishes agenda as everyone seems going to miss having Azian around.

We don't have to be rich, glamorous and powerful to be remembered. A little gesture truthful from the heart will touch other heart, change life and these will stays in memories forever. We're at the end of a chapter of a life book but I think, this one I will cherish it for a long long time to come.

Happy Birthday!

Last Tuesday is Irdina's 4th year Birthday. She is always excited about celebrating birthday though she probably cannot digest the meaning of it . As her proud mother put it out, "Kak, we celebrated her birthday every month as she requested once a month for her birthday cake." My mother said that her personality is a lot similar to me as a little girl. I just wish that everyday will be her birthday because she is happy about it. Happy Birthday Nana! Mak Long wish you a happy and healthy life.

And last night be celebrated Amal's 20th birthday. A new member of Malaysian student in Tokushima. She has a very fresh perspective of life. Remind me of youngster's lifestyle and make me feeling a bit like a 'makcik' or aunty or 'obaasan'. As usual, we had birthday dinner in Chaprichouza, a japanese Italian restaurant that we take as our hang out place. Later we had her birthday cake under the moon next to the river of Tokushima-shi. Quite romantic if we wanted to think so. However, far from romantic, it is full of laughter and happiness. And I just wish Azian will stay with us longer rather than going back to Malaysia.

Anyway, cheers to the life!

Mysteries in life

There many thinks that keep me wondering, in this life. But I think that is life is all about, full of mysteries.

Meeting new people, gain some level of trust and we are friends. Making new friends is a luxury to me as people is a gift from God. But then again, there are many types of friends. One that stay forever, one that come and go but we can count on them, hi-hi bye-bye types of acquaintance, friend that vanished forever or one that you never wish to know.

In my teen days, I did not keep in touch with friends, and many of them are out of touch. Only a small number still do. However, as my commitment levels arise, I love to make friends and to keep them closer. But only the one who can accept me as I am. I am done by being taken as a fool. In friendship, we do not expect to be the giver or the receiver. It is a relationship that offer some state of understanding, and loving, but never calculating.

Azian is going home to Malaysia soon. I will miss her dearly, as I miss Kak Intan and K Nunuk, and Kak Heni and Siti. They're close to my heart as I can feel the love.

I hate the 'perpisahan' or the ending of something good. I wish Azian that all the love in this world will be hers and all the money too (just kidding!). The life never end. It is always the opening of something new. When one door is closing, the other doors are opening. We just need to keep looking for the best door. Be it UK or Japan, the best one is the one from God, so ask him. Sayonara !

Dreamy Naba...

Been able to live a life peacefully and happily are my aims. I need a secure and stable kind of life but not a mundane lifestyle. These two are different, in my perspective.

It is the nature of me to always be looking, investigating and discovering. Being scientist answered the need (stimulating the brain, I guess), plus it provide financial support. Thus, I am really grateful.

Above all the stolidity of life that I am fond of, there is also a bit of adventurous streak that does not allow me to be kept in the laboratory for the rest of my life. This is where all the traveling and windows shopping come in. I was dreaming of becoming a spy who lives abroad, travel a lot and always under adrenaline control. I had heard of someone name Matahari.

At the moment, I am a narcissist who is in love with me. Huh!

Another round

I was back in Japan last Tuesday, reached Tokushima city at 12pm by limousine bus from Kansai Airport. The weather was still chilling. It was like coming straight from summer into winter. I am back for another journey to complete the mission. This time around, I am with a lot more inner strength that I gathered from all the love ones that I left in Malaysia.

I missed my two little nieces, Irdina and Auni. Their twinkling black eyes that stared straight into my heart make it bleed when I had to get into the car for Penang Airport. It was quite sometimes that I haven't felt this kind of love. It was the unconditional love. Kids, souls of the heaven.

And I can now felt the need to finish the study as fast as I want to be with my beloved mother. Sure, she will always say alright for all my intention but I really need to be with her. I love you mother, always. Family and friends, the supports make me strong. And Ila, I'll be waiting for you when you arrive in Japan. Irashaimase. "(*_*)