Chin-up and no worry!

We’re there. The new year of 2012 is coming after today’s midnight.

Many things had taken place during the last one year. All; good or bad, had somehow affected our life.

In our family, the last two elders, a pair of husband and wife sister and brother-in-law of my great grandfather, had went away to meet their Maker. They were separated in this world for about 2 months apart when she was the first to be called. I can understand but would never fill his shoes the agony he went through after she passed away. Surely, there must be a big blank in his life since she was there for him for about 60 years. Anyway, their passing did left a big blank in my life since I was very close to both of them. They were always there to cheerish me; as simple as whenever I came back for holidays from boarding school, they would came for visits and would always brought something, that's the way they showered me with love. Such a love that I would never forget.

Anyway, thank God, I am very much content with myself now. Yes, there are many unsettled things but then again, we shall be thankful for many other things. Looking at the bright side of life or being optimistic is a way to live happily in this world. I’ve accepted the fact of life that life is not always fair and we can never get all that we want. The least that we can do is to face the obstacle, take it in stride and then keep walking. There will be scar if we’re hurt, but the scar will only become big if we put it under our everyday life radar and keep looking at it using the microscope or even under  the cheap magnifying glass.

Be happy guys, we’re still alive! Keep our chin-up and run over the troubles!

Conscience and friendship are at war!

We are having problem. ‘WE’ here means my conscience and the ‘logic me’ are at the cross road of deciding of which to define. It involved two friends and a condition.

What would you say if after you write two proposals, one accepted and the other was rejected; were combined together with some alteration by someone else (a friend – and without your knowledge), BUT, almost 70% of it is similar, just change the material, submitted and approved by the higher authority? You, on the other hand was not even acknowledge and don’t know about it, a thing, until someone else mentioned it.

I will surely piss off. It was like robbing an intelectual property.

I still can’t stomach that a friend can do that to another friend.

The ‘friend’ equation in me is still trying to negotiate that probably it was untrue or if it was true, the second chance shall be given.

But the ‘principle’ me is shouting, “That’s it! Finito!”

Pity them both.

One seems to loss the integrity and also a friend in the quest of ............ (I don't reall sure here!)

The other is mending a heartache of knowing that a friend is no longer can be considered a ‘close friend’.

Above all, the ‘middle-friend’ lost sleep because of this and yet, no one pitied. Hey! Can I say that I am the real victim in this case?

Ops! The conscience whispered, “Narcissist!”

Monster in the net...

Internet has been one of the things that people cannot live without. But we forget that we have been too dependent on it. This ‘dependent’ sort of thing make us easily frustrated if something unpredictable happens.

The holiday work surf on last Friday morning to google the relevant articles related to my research area turn out to be the biggest surprise to date. My research proposal was published, in pdf form, readily to be read and downloaded and at that time point was uploaded just 20 hours before.

Somehow, somebody had managed to create an empty account, and linked it to the famous fb account of my student.

Well, the proposal which was supposed to be a secret had been emailed to her, once. She downloaded it to the office computer to be printed. That’s the leaked, if it was to be believed.

But if people can cheat on the identity online, then nothing is impossible nowadays.

The naivety inside me would never think that this could take place.

Be very afraid people; be very afraid of the net!

Rain but not that 'Rain'....

Kelantan is at war again with ‘banjir’ or flood. Everyone seems to be talking about the ‘raining cats and dogs’ affair. Just like the casual conversation that goes, “How’ the weather?” in the ‘My Fair Lady’ scripted dialog.

Nevertheless, I am enjoying it.

I did stroke more than just a morning hi and evening bye with our cleaner lady and asked her about the situation at her area. She too candidly talked about her house in Tanjung Merak where the water seemed to be on rise.

These things (talking), both of us never did.

Just wish that nothing bad will happen to anyone. Take a good care of oneself and leave the rest to Him.

Opps...That Rain in the title is referred to the Korean singer with the same stage name.

Me, badwoman?

I felt bad.

I had to ask my senior colleague that initially was invited to be part of the research grant application if she wanted to stay or not for the new application. Well, for that part there was nothing to feel bad about.

Alright, the whole story went like this - the previous grant was rejected. Thus, we were looking at the new opportunity to fund the research. This new one needed us to fill in our CV in their database which means internet. All of us, except her, had previously had done the part.

So, what had I done? I asked her even knowing that she just fractured her one of her bone of the forearm and of course not being able to type. Wow!

I felt bad.

Size really matter

Who else can I blame for my ballooning size? It’s all because of me being too comfortable in eating. Alhamdulillah but at least I need to remember that bigger in size doesn’t reflect healthiness. Got to do something about this…

Letting you go....(II)

I am old, old enough to judge the right from the wrong. But then again, right and wrong is just a perspective, a view of a person. We will never get the same view even if we are looking at a same thing. And this brought forward the point that an idea of a person, it will never be identical even if it is among those living under one roof. This eventually led to the argument on who is who, the one to be blamed. At the end, there is no end.

I have to accept it, that we have grown apart. Things that we used to be fond of, movies that we used to watch, life that we used to share are no more the same.

As much as I tried to let things take it turn into a shape that I could cope, it never happened. We cannot keep holding on to the past. It was gone with every second pass.

Hurting each other in every sense, that’s we are now. No more laughter. No more smile.

I am letting it go, with love. Though I know I will miss you, wholeheartedly, but I dare not to hurt you anymore.

Cool off, please...

As I said in the earlier post, an academician shall be an inspirational individual. Well, probably I shall back out of that.

I lost my ‘coolness’ this morning. And it leaves a vile taste in my mouth and heart.

It was just a straightforward PCR experiment but having a grown-up student with no background in any way in molecular biology techniques, all that I can say was “muzukashi”. Whatever that I can do at the moment was to control myself and then, asked her out of the lab for few days. She was probably under stressed as well having to do things that had never been done. This break also means that both of us can have our own calm-down moment.

Being harsh on her was not the intention. I was a foreigner once in Japan, a foreign student and it is one of the reason I am being very patient with her. With the social class as someone with high position among her own community, not being able to conduct the experiment for her probably is considered as a letdown.

But then again, I can’t be selfish on her behalf just because she is new in this country. I do have other student to look for. The reagents can be depleted in a second, but to get the funding can take as long as years.

But no, I am not giving up as yet on her. I just want her to stop trying too much. PCR sometimes work in a wondrous way. It might work one day and fail in another. Let her cool off and for me, I want to do the troubleshooting by myself now. If it is a technique, then let we finalized the deal before she jump into the river knowingly that she cannot survive the watercourse.

God, please help both of us!

Much Ado About Colors

Malaysia has always been allied with colors. We have colorful ethics, with colorful cultures, with colorful music, dances, languages and etc. The list can go last as long as from the international border of Perlis to the end of sea border of Sabah.

This last two weeks, again the colors became the talk of nation.

Yesterday, I took an express bus from Alor Setar to Kota Bharu. While going down from the bus for a lunch break, the driver said something, “Nasib baik tak ada yang pakai baju kuning. La ni bahaya kalau pakai baju kuning.” Luckily no one wears yellow shirt. It is dangerous nowadays to wear yellow shirt. That statement was followed with laughter.

Ignorant I was I can’t even grasp the meaning of it till I saw three short stops of the men in blue throughout the journey.

Late afternoon, a FB friend mentioned something regarding her broadband lines where the blue and green were being too slow, and thinking if she shall changed for yellow band.

Me? I don’t know. I am thinking about getting a master student, start the research soon, purchasing reagents and what shall my next question to cikli be?

Much ado about colors, no, I have no other preferences at the moment. Purple is yet the unsurpassed. Even though my primary teacher once alleged there was no purple color of the sky, I was able to witness it many times.

Roling out the idea

Idea! That’s the main role of academia. It’s not just about molding the next generation but the best thing about being an academic personal is to have and come out with an idea. By doing just that, we, the academicians, are becoming the learning institute, but not the buildings of the institute.

An academician is supposed to mold a younger age group to be successful, give ideas as freely as water out of the new pipe, encourage and become a role model.

An old professor in this campus managed to impress me. He has tons of charisma. He waltz his way through the research field of herbs and yet able to stay smart and on top of that, he looks just as brilliant; which is by not wearing the ordinary scientist’s look. Ideas runs freely out of his mouth, at no extra charge.

I just wish that I too can grow old, wise and happy. Being a scientist is a way of me to help the public. I might not be able to reach that in my lifetime, but I wish God will help me to help others. Though I can't do anything on the 'look department', but as long as nice thing is said about me, Ok lah! (^_~)

Grading system again?

As a person we need to stop grading our self or others. Well, the grading systems have start since schooling days but let us leave it to the exam paper marking only, not human. It’s not humane to evaluate another human when it comes to life perspective, that’s God territory. Male or female, we are all Homo sapiens. On top of that, we are His entire servant. No need to prove anything, since no one has ever successfully brought back the death, not even zombie, so let’s call it a day.

Why I am blabbering here? The Obedient Wife Club’s statement of course!

No individuals are ever the same with one another. To put all women as one group and flocking it together is not the right way to do it. To say that one wife is obedient than another because they serve their husband sexually better, that’s also inappropriate. Well, that’s my opinion. Can they thing out of the box, as example, what if the husband is paralyzed from neck to toe? Then they wife is not first-class wife because no sex service is needed there. Besides, not all man is only looking for sex. It is not as easy as that to surmise the other person thought.

There are men who choose not to marry yet because there is thinking about the responsibility to bring up the family. Even some of them thought that polygamy is not are privileges but a HUGE responsibility. No, this do not come from Aidil of Nur Kasih fame, it was a comment from a cousin. There goes the myth that all man is looking for more than one wife/ partner. Probably some are, but the main point here is NOT all.

It was a bizarre proclamation to put up and moreover, giving such statement is only degrading woman as well as man; hope that they can make some amend before the reputation of the club goes beyond reparable.

The blue ocean of mine

Here, I am my man where I work according to my agenda and one day, I shall find my niche. Niche! That's the word which dashed through my mind once I read a summary on 'The Blue Ocean". The one word love to be uttered by some of the higher management team of the institution. Well, they have their point. It's not easy to be or wanted to be the best but at the end of the day, it's the ground people who need to be counted.

Unfortunately, the ground people is me, one of them.

By saying so, I am in need to search for a niche where I can do my research successfully and will be able to claim that I am the best. Well, is that the definition of the niche or it is the correct 'Blue Ocean strategy? I hesitate on that. Or perhaps I may be wrong and should digest the reality of life to understand all about the ocean.

The main blue ocean strategy is to create a new market or new area or uncontested niche where they will be no other contestant. The idea is creating something new but shall be in demand.

How one do that?

If I look back at a conversation with my former supervisor, Hosoi, long time back, I gathered from our discussion that he did not actually create a new area of research. In his idea, if he wanted to be amongst the most remembered scientist, plus the Nobel Prize receiver, he needed to seek an opportunity to do research on something that can last long and in demand - the other words to say, as long as he was the patriarch of the department. That was one of the reason he did the aquaporin project and projecting all the money on AQP5 of salivary gland since he was a professor of a dental school. His initial thought was that the research area would be the in-thing for another 15 years or so. The upshot of his strategy was that before his retirement day arrived, he almost reached the goal of being one of the best in the field. By being mentioned as one of the well-known scientist in AQP5 field in a website had made him proud. His complacency was proven when he did email me about that.

How about me then? What's my blue ocean? I am not very sure about it at this point of time. Many things are hanging in my mind which implied by my involvement in various projects which were quite diverse. Well, I am still at the entry-level status. I am still swimming on the surface of an ocean. We'll see soon if there is any need to recast the research proposal.

Mind the Attitudes

Well, I went to Mecca to perform the umrah. Came back here almost two weeks. I was happy that I did went there but I can't explained the reason behind it. Scorpio never really tell the whole truth when they explained something regarding their inner feeling. But please, it was never a lie, but only they can't reach for the correct sentences (or so I thought).

People always talk about serenity to be near His house but for me, the place had a sense of intimacy, like I belong to it. On top of that, it was very different from what I thought when I saw it in a picture or film.

Anyhow, nevermind about that.

Since coming back, I felt a bit tired and calm. Too calm that I began to panick but nothing happened, just the usual deep thinking Naba on work again.

Besides, the mind had stated to build a new set of attitudes.

Ready?!

From what I gather from reading the Al-Quran (translational of course!), if God wanted to do something, He will, with all His might.

So, if He had decided something good will happen, it will, and vice versa if it is something bad. My point is that I need not worry too much. Let's leave it all to the All Mighty. We just do our job as best we could, pray that it will turn out to be good at the end of the day (as we want it to be) then leave it to Him.

The monster within.....

After months, here I am again, blogging. Life has been good, with more responsibility as human being, daughter, sister, friends and colleague.

An excuse for me to be here is just me missing the blogging world. This blog of mine had become a part of me for the past four years, bested (if this word ever exists) of best friends, and it was hard to let go.

Looking back in a very constructive standpoint of the past six months, I knew that accomplishing the degree was the best thing that ever occurred. Nonetheless, it had unleashed the other part of me who had been under the constraint for the good four years. The heat of the atmosphere of my beloved country had added to the unbearable strain which left the mind paralyzed. The monster finally had successfully taken over my body and flew it to the hell of unknown emotions. But then again, I thank God. The G factor had brought me back to the smelly earth that I love so much.

Yes, it was the G factor all along that brought me back.

A simple me

I am not an angel and not even having a tiny angel-like personality. But I would like to believe that I am not dreadful either. Preferably, I would settle for an average human being, neither good nor bad.

Thus, I do have limit. Please never underestimate my anger or the patience. At the moment, I am trying the best to be the better person.

I wish I have all the courage to say, “I am done with you!” But then again, there is a small voice keeps insisting on the value of a relationship.

I wish that life could be a little simpler.

Bend It Like Me?

There was a single incident that still played strongly in my mind though it happened almost a decade ago, something to do with football, Britain and the Aussie visitors.

During one fine day in a meeting room of Human Genome Centre, I was sweating profusely as the honorable Aussie visitors from Adelaide University was about to reach the department and I would be the one giving the welcoming talk; a short introduction of the department and the school. Nonetheles, being rehearsing the presentation for the xth times, I was ready, or thought so.

Once they made the entrance the atmosphere was very serious and there I was standing and blabbing, remembering every words.

“As for the training, at the moment, we have a student studying in the Manchester United…..”

Silence.

Opss…

“Manchester University.”

Laughter.

The Aussie Professor smiled for the first time, “Everything is about David Beckam nowadays.”

“Yes, Bend It Like Beckam.”