Friday, January 8, 2010

Greedy & proud vs humble & optimist

Today, there was an article written in Bahasa Malaysia in Harian Metro about being greedy and the consequences of it. It did strike me on one or two things that made my mind started the processes of thinking, again. As Monsieur Hercule Poirot would say, “My little grey cells are working, Mon ami”.

In that article, it pointed out that one of the effect of being greedy is one will work to acquire a mammoth of wealth. Because of the wealth, the person will then subsequently gain a certain title, given to him, and finally, with that he obtained power.

Having all these, there will be a possibility that he would end up being too proud of himself and look down on others.

The thing about being too proud was what had pulled me down to the earth today - instead of flying around zip zapping with the aeroplanes.

I am afraid of so many things in this world. One is to forget the word ‘humble’. There are so many other things that made me scared of myself. One is to confuse the word humble with low self-esteem which is a negative point in psychology field, especially in being successful. There were many thin lines of being negatives or being positives in self-consciousness.

Me, I wish, though the knowledge that I acquire here will come up with a title -if I am alive to finish this- I will stay grounded. I am not here for the title but this is my dream to be able to do PhD. It is also one of my agendas, as a motivation indirectly to my other sisters and brothers of my big families. I want my cousins, nieces and nephews and hopefully one day, my children, to see that we all can do this. It is just a silent statement for them that studying up to this point is not the impossible thing to do. Those are reasons of me doing this silly thing, being here all alone by myself, talking by myself while waking or sleeping. I do not mind being call names (spinster?!) as long as I can succeed to prove that if I can, and so others can.

At one point while in USM, I was told that I being a science officer knew nothing about the scientific work. It was because I have no title. At that time, there were not many lecturers in PPSG who graduated with PhD in basic science, so my former boss asked me to help. He believes that I could. Thus, I did monitor the students’ work. Little did people know that some of the M. Sc students and a Phd student graduated under my co-supervision? But then, who am I? Not an MD or a PhD holder. I am just a person who graduated from UKM with M. Sc. in basic science. However, it never deter me from doing what I love most, ‘Investigate, Watson!’ We bowed when we need to bow, but life is like a circle. The same people who relinquish you today will be the same people who will cherish you tomorrow.

I just wish that people will not confuse the optimist me with the proud me. It is simply me who always optimist that sun will always come up from the north, till one day, day of the end of the world.

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