At every year end, there will be 'fuyu yasumi' (winter holidays) for about 5 days in Japan. This year we got around 9 days because it starts from 27th of December and end on the January 4th. Many Japanese are taking this time off to visit other countries or to be together with their respective family. However, the most special day is on the 1st of January.
On first of January, most families will be having feast together. Some of them will have parties followed with indoor games. They even have special foods for the day. One of them is plain mochi or cake make from rice flour (rice cake). It's sticky and eaten with special miso soup, known as zoni.
My friend, Tokunaga sensei just drop by for a visit. She brought me a few rice cakes that she made herself and a bag of 'mikan' (mandarin orange). I am very glad to receive her as we haven't seen each other for some times. She was very busy with English course that the school will implement in the Elementary school 2009. She will start teaching year 5 and 6 students English, one time each week. Something new as before there is no English class for Elementary children.
Back to zoni, Tokunaga sensei explain how to prepare it. It has different way of preparation depending on the places. By the way, I had found the recipe earlier in the recipe book which I bought from Amazon Japan, Japanese Recipes 60. The book is good as it has instruction and pictures. Anyway, thank you so much Tokunaga sensei for your gift and thought.
Tomorrow, I am going to Surini's place in Kobe. We'll celebrate new year and going for sightseeing and shopping. I have a long list of things to buy for souvenirs to the people back home. I have just bought return tickets to Penang in March but haven't told the Professor as yet. I miss Malaysia!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Blog analyzer anyone?
I was cruising the net and doing blog hoping when I read about the a fun tool called The Typealyser. It was easy and fun. The web will analyze a person according the writing style of the blog. Me, I am a Mechanic.
"ISTP - The Mechanics
The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts. The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters."
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Time flies - He set my future
I am actually not born to be the biology scientist. Looking back into my family background, science is just a thing that my family think can divert one faith. Hehe! Even my mother was afraid that I would defy God existence because of the scientific values which I virtue so much. Nevertheless, it proved otherwise.
My family have a strong religious believe, especially from my father's side. From my mother’s, many of them are teachers. In the early days, almost everybody in both families were farmers. Even my father was a farmer. We grew paddy. Yes, that’s normal for someone who live in Kedah. Kedah is the state that’s supposed to be the biggest rice supplier to the whole country. Used to, I guessed.
My great grandfather, who created the strong pillar in my early life received his education in early 1930s and was accepted to enter Sultan Idris Training College for Malay Teachers. The only setback was that his parents were against it as he was first child in the family. Obedient he was, he set himself to be the farmer and ‘golok’ maker. I would say that he had a very creative hand, a craft maker. He was good at making ‘wau’ (big kites). The wau would be set flying for days with a string attached to it, making sound through out the day and night known as ‘dengung’. This was common those days in ealy 80's during the paddy harvesting season, once a year.
Like I said before, I do a lot of thinking even when I was a little girl. Thus, I spent a lot of times asking and listening to his lifetime story. He was born in 1913 and amongst the first batch of students in the first school of Pokok Sena, Kedah. There was nothing much happening to Pokok Sena area during Japanese occupation, only the lacked of food supply. But the communist things were really a problem as there was up until now a place name as ‘Dalam pagar’ (behind the gate). It was a place where government had set up to curb communism during emergency time.
The other interesting story was about my mother, his granddaughter who was born 2 months before the due date and how he created tools available to keep her alive because hospital was far. One was by using the young banana shoots to put her onto to avoid the young skin attached to the cotton clothes. And she was placed in the small ‘buyong’ (water container made from clay). In order to keep the baby warm, soft drink cola bottle filled with warm water were set besides her.
Nearby the house, there was a Gurkha soldiers stationed. Everyday, one of them would made short visit to see the baby while off duty. “Baby suda besar?” (Baby is getting bigger?).
My great grandfather passed away after 5 months I left home to stay at a hostel of Sultanah Asma Secondary School. It left a deep impact in my life. To analyse thing, it was like I am the last person that he needs to take care before he went to see his Creator. God Bless his souls!
All his stories stayed with me. It made me think hard especially when I was asked the question, "What would you like to be when you grow up?". After so much thought about that, I just said to myself, "I shall be the one who set the path, different from the usual life that I have seen. I just wanted to wonder out, out of ordinary". Science then become my weapon to reach the unreachable. I am glad I took the decision and now I just trust and pray hard that He will show me the successful way.
My family have a strong religious believe, especially from my father's side. From my mother’s, many of them are teachers. In the early days, almost everybody in both families were farmers. Even my father was a farmer. We grew paddy. Yes, that’s normal for someone who live in Kedah. Kedah is the state that’s supposed to be the biggest rice supplier to the whole country. Used to, I guessed.
My great grandfather, who created the strong pillar in my early life received his education in early 1930s and was accepted to enter Sultan Idris Training College for Malay Teachers. The only setback was that his parents were against it as he was first child in the family. Obedient he was, he set himself to be the farmer and ‘golok’ maker. I would say that he had a very creative hand, a craft maker. He was good at making ‘wau’ (big kites). The wau would be set flying for days with a string attached to it, making sound through out the day and night known as ‘dengung’. This was common those days in ealy 80's during the paddy harvesting season, once a year.
Like I said before, I do a lot of thinking even when I was a little girl. Thus, I spent a lot of times asking and listening to his lifetime story. He was born in 1913 and amongst the first batch of students in the first school of Pokok Sena, Kedah. There was nothing much happening to Pokok Sena area during Japanese occupation, only the lacked of food supply. But the communist things were really a problem as there was up until now a place name as ‘Dalam pagar’ (behind the gate). It was a place where government had set up to curb communism during emergency time.
The other interesting story was about my mother, his granddaughter who was born 2 months before the due date and how he created tools available to keep her alive because hospital was far. One was by using the young banana shoots to put her onto to avoid the young skin attached to the cotton clothes. And she was placed in the small ‘buyong’ (water container made from clay). In order to keep the baby warm, soft drink cola bottle filled with warm water were set besides her.
Nearby the house, there was a Gurkha soldiers stationed. Everyday, one of them would made short visit to see the baby while off duty. “Baby suda besar?” (Baby is getting bigger?).
My great grandfather passed away after 5 months I left home to stay at a hostel of Sultanah Asma Secondary School. It left a deep impact in my life. To analyse thing, it was like I am the last person that he needs to take care before he went to see his Creator. God Bless his souls!
All his stories stayed with me. It made me think hard especially when I was asked the question, "What would you like to be when you grow up?". After so much thought about that, I just said to myself, "I shall be the one who set the path, different from the usual life that I have seen. I just wanted to wonder out, out of ordinary". Science then become my weapon to reach the unreachable. I am glad I took the decision and now I just trust and pray hard that He will show me the successful way.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Two sides of the same coin
Like I wrote before, life and death are the two sides of the same coin. Last few days, just as my mother picked up the phone, she said she was in a hurry. Her brother in law or my uncle had just past away. And our family was going to visit him for the funeral.
I can't find any words of comfort. The last time I saw him was before I came here last year. He was always healthy, not having any disease, or a disease that is prominent in my big Malay family, diabetes. And also non of others (high blood pressure, heart disease and stomach ulcer etc.). It was said that he had bad diarheaa early morning, went for medical check up, released and past away peacefully by my aunt side in the afternoon at their home. And he was just 70 plus years old.
May God blessed his soul.
I can't find any words of comfort. The last time I saw him was before I came here last year. He was always healthy, not having any disease, or a disease that is prominent in my big Malay family, diabetes. And also non of others (high blood pressure, heart disease and stomach ulcer etc.). It was said that he had bad diarheaa early morning, went for medical check up, released and past away peacefully by my aunt side in the afternoon at their home. And he was just 70 plus years old.
May God blessed his soul.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Feeling sick because it's holidays
The title should have suggested that I'd morphed myself into one of the typical Japanese working habit, workaholic (which is good here) or I have lost my senses. Both are wrong. I love holidays. I could spend days in my apartment, lazily sit on my back, eat everything that's available and rarely have bath (pardon me, it's just because of the winter), without seeing single souls all day long. My mind alone can occupied my world, if I let it it be.
The end of year is one of the best time. I don't celebrate New Year but always looking forward for it. It is like having a new chapter of life. In Japan, they have this "furubukuro" sale. Usually the best time to shop is on the 1st of January. The sale is like heaven, well, especially in Japan where most of the things are expensive even the vegetables. The shop usually will offer discounted price for certain things that are collected together in the bag or box. As example, for 3000yen per bag from New Balance shop we can get a few items. The twist is that we don't have a clue what's inside the bag. They will probably mentioned that it will contained 1 pair of top and bottom sportwears and a winter coat with the sizes. It's fun and exciting. First the price is cheap as the original price probably cost more than 10 000 yen. And it's like lucky draw. O'tanoshimini! (Looking forward!)
But then again, this year I have plan a major experiments during this holiday season. To cut the story short, I wouldn't have so much time for myself in the apartment but will be in the lab most of the time. O' what to do? Sigh!
The end of year is one of the best time. I don't celebrate New Year but always looking forward for it. It is like having a new chapter of life. In Japan, they have this "furubukuro" sale. Usually the best time to shop is on the 1st of January. The sale is like heaven, well, especially in Japan where most of the things are expensive even the vegetables. The shop usually will offer discounted price for certain things that are collected together in the bag or box. As example, for 3000yen per bag from New Balance shop we can get a few items. The twist is that we don't have a clue what's inside the bag. They will probably mentioned that it will contained 1 pair of top and bottom sportwears and a winter coat with the sizes. It's fun and exciting. First the price is cheap as the original price probably cost more than 10 000 yen. And it's like lucky draw. O'tanoshimini! (Looking forward!)
But then again, this year I have plan a major experiments during this holiday season. To cut the story short, I wouldn't have so much time for myself in the apartment but will be in the lab most of the time. O' what to do? Sigh!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Day past by and another year is coming....
Today I had spoke for awhile with Yati. She's going to get married soon. Many of my younger friends will or had tied a wedding knot this year. Some are still looking for the best life partner. Never give up guys! Keep looking for your destiny.
Me, I am still the same Naba that people used to know. Still standing strong against all odds to face my life. This year was the hardest one. I could say that now know who I am. The deepest pain that I can endure and the deepest love that I can assured people.
Faith is the one that keep life going. Faith is like having hope but faith is more about embracing life without questions. Failure will keep us on toe but with faith as a backup, it's like to start fresh and with high determination.
Doing science experiment and being successful at one go is a way of Japanese. They like to save money and time, which is good if it is not us who are doing the thing. But according to Einstein, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Thus, if we failed the first time trial, repeat the experiment but with some alteration. And in doing so we need to understand the reason of the first time failure.
Life isn't easy but it isn't difficult either. After every rain, sometimes we can see rainbow or we can play the paper boats. Knowing to keep going during the difficult situation will be fruitful at the end of the day.
Keep out of dangerous dog. They not only knew how to bark but also to bite. Huh! ("~)
Me, I am still the same Naba that people used to know. Still standing strong against all odds to face my life. This year was the hardest one. I could say that now know who I am. The deepest pain that I can endure and the deepest love that I can assured people.
Faith is the one that keep life going. Faith is like having hope but faith is more about embracing life without questions. Failure will keep us on toe but with faith as a backup, it's like to start fresh and with high determination.
Doing science experiment and being successful at one go is a way of Japanese. They like to save money and time, which is good if it is not us who are doing the thing. But according to Einstein, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Thus, if we failed the first time trial, repeat the experiment but with some alteration. And in doing so we need to understand the reason of the first time failure.
Life isn't easy but it isn't difficult either. After every rain, sometimes we can see rainbow or we can play the paper boats. Knowing to keep going during the difficult situation will be fruitful at the end of the day.
Keep out of dangerous dog. They not only knew how to bark but also to bite. Huh! ("~)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
2008 Bonenkai - Palm reader
Every end of year, a group of people such as co-workers or students will have a party known as 'Bonenkai'. Bo means forget, which can be simplified as a gathering in order to forget the year hard work by enjoying life, drink hard.
I just had one (no liquor for me, please), this evening with the laboratory mates, all of us and the three undergraduates who just join us this akki (autumn) for 6 months. These girls are 'omoshiroi' to be around. Two are from Osaka (Yumiko and Rin) and one from Hiroshima (Akiko). Akiko-chan is a baseball player and she proved that girl can be strong (she is the one who operate the tiles cleaning machine yesterday during the cleaning day, held once a year) but beautiful and with brain. They are warm people, these girls.
And I turned into palm reader this evening. Alright, to kill the time alone that I have plenty at hand, sometimes I will just wondering around the Internet. One day, I had read my own palm using one interactive palm reader in the net. It then becomes obsession for a short while that I end up remembering the lines. Apart other people in the party, today I even read my dearest Professor's palm. I told him that he will have long live and he seems happy. The line said so and I wish so. The truth is I don't know destiny of any people, just reading for fun and it was fun. I contributed a moment of the fun part during the party, which was good.
We spent 2 hours at the Acoolique restaurant from 6pm. "Kyo-nen wa, iro-iro arigatou."
I just had one (no liquor for me, please), this evening with the laboratory mates, all of us and the three undergraduates who just join us this akki (autumn) for 6 months. These girls are 'omoshiroi' to be around. Two are from Osaka (Yumiko and Rin) and one from Hiroshima (Akiko). Akiko-chan is a baseball player and she proved that girl can be strong (she is the one who operate the tiles cleaning machine yesterday during the cleaning day, held once a year) but beautiful and with brain. They are warm people, these girls.
And I turned into palm reader this evening. Alright, to kill the time alone that I have plenty at hand, sometimes I will just wondering around the Internet. One day, I had read my own palm using one interactive palm reader in the net. It then becomes obsession for a short while that I end up remembering the lines. Apart other people in the party, today I even read my dearest Professor's palm. I told him that he will have long live and he seems happy. The line said so and I wish so. The truth is I don't know destiny of any people, just reading for fun and it was fun. I contributed a moment of the fun part during the party, which was good.
We spent 2 hours at the Acoolique restaurant from 6pm. "Kyo-nen wa, iro-iro arigatou."
Backstabber? Are they available...
Life is about surviving. To survive life, some people choose to live behind the mask. It is like to be a part of a playwright. Some will consider themselves as the directors, the cameramen or sort of actors. They keep telling themselves that they're part of the drama and the important key point of it to live a life that I do not know whether it is worth or not.
I thought that in this little world of mine here, these types of people who are manipulators of the situation do not exist. That thought was proved wrong. They are available. By taking advantages of any small hole, these people will make their ways to manipulate things. It is not difficult. Especially when lying is a part of the lifestyles. Lies will come out of the mouth just like the air that they breath. As easy as that.
At one time, I lost a so called future housemate because one of the kind did her work perfectly, to the T. I should have congratulated her for the work. It never crossed my mind though I might sense the absurdity when we had conversation about it. I just ignore until I learned the truth. The reason of she doing that, I don't know. I did not think bad about this person but I do now.
I think, before think bad about others, we should evaluate our own life. Sometimes, things that we do probably have hurt others. Thus make people behave bad to us. Do not ask people to respect you when you cannot even offer love. Love is not to be calculate, it is to be given without asking favors in return. As for me, when I give love, I will expect love in return, not some sort of betrayal.
But, in my case ,"How can I consider you as a friend when you stabbed my back with a knife? I couldn't imagine having a backstabber as a friend." Probably the best way is to stay, "We are not strangers, but do not know each other so well." I am OK with Hi and Bye-bye types of relationship. Sayonara!
p/s My great grandfather once said, we should choose our friends.
I thought that in this little world of mine here, these types of people who are manipulators of the situation do not exist. That thought was proved wrong. They are available. By taking advantages of any small hole, these people will make their ways to manipulate things. It is not difficult. Especially when lying is a part of the lifestyles. Lies will come out of the mouth just like the air that they breath. As easy as that.
At one time, I lost a so called future housemate because one of the kind did her work perfectly, to the T. I should have congratulated her for the work. It never crossed my mind though I might sense the absurdity when we had conversation about it. I just ignore until I learned the truth. The reason of she doing that, I don't know. I did not think bad about this person but I do now.
I think, before think bad about others, we should evaluate our own life. Sometimes, things that we do probably have hurt others. Thus make people behave bad to us. Do not ask people to respect you when you cannot even offer love. Love is not to be calculate, it is to be given without asking favors in return. As for me, when I give love, I will expect love in return, not some sort of betrayal.
But, in my case ,"How can I consider you as a friend when you stabbed my back with a knife? I couldn't imagine having a backstabber as a friend." Probably the best way is to stay, "We are not strangers, but do not know each other so well." I am OK with Hi and Bye-bye types of relationship. Sayonara!
p/s My great grandfather once said, we should choose our friends.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Politics and education
The two things that I rarely discuss are politics and education. Those two are something that stay very close to my heart but sometimes talking with the wrong person will make me sicks in the stomach. Let just say that not all people talk from brain but rather from the emotion and lack of intellectuality in giving their opinions, least to say I know in and out of the politics of Malaysia or world. It was just there are things that you considered as yours, then listening to some unsupported arguments really piss me off.
According to Wikipedia, politics is the process by which groups of people make decisions, which is true. The politicians who are elected, are representative of the ordinary citizens and also often known as lawmakers. These groups of people are the ones who will argue when certain policies or bill are tables in the Parliament. This process is cited as a process of democracy. Means that the representative is the voice of the citizens and he is bringing the mandate of everybody in the country.
I am not going to touch about the integrity of the politicians. Some supporters of any 'great' politicians in Malaysia usually talk like rubbish even when the intellectual discussion takes place. I wouldn't want to go into details. As for me, politician is a person who besides having their own agendas, they are sometimes bond to the agendas of the political party that they're attached to. And as Malaysia is still young country when compared to USA, the popularity of the individuals politician is still the main objectives of the respective politicians to stay in the limelight of the mainstreams.
My hope to the lawmakers is that, whatever they choose to do to be famous or even to be the next Prime Minister, please be careful with the education of the next generation. Playing with education for the purposes to be in the history of Malaysia is a major mistake that will take away Malaysia from it's future.
Anything looks good on paper but implementation is another story. I still remember vividly how I had to sit for UPSR on the 6th grade because my primary school was chosen as a trial school for new education system. I missed the chances to go to good school because as most other school were still taking the exams during the 5th grade, mine was one year later.
The same difficulties I had to overcome was when the faculty of my Alma mater had to cut short and cramped the classes as the ministry wanted more undergraduates to be produced in a short time. Thus many of us took 3 years schooling compared to 4 years, the initial time range. Me, myself had to take 3 years because I was thinking about the competitiveness that I need to hurdle to get a job against my one year old juniors who will graduated at the same times if I stayed for 4 years.
When we fly high we probably will forget the ground. The higher we go, we will see more of the cloud and rainbows. But, when God call us, we still need to go and see him. One fine day, my dear, we will have to come back to the ground.
According to Wikipedia, politics is the process by which groups of people make decisions, which is true. The politicians who are elected, are representative of the ordinary citizens and also often known as lawmakers. These groups of people are the ones who will argue when certain policies or bill are tables in the Parliament. This process is cited as a process of democracy. Means that the representative is the voice of the citizens and he is bringing the mandate of everybody in the country.
I am not going to touch about the integrity of the politicians. Some supporters of any 'great' politicians in Malaysia usually talk like rubbish even when the intellectual discussion takes place. I wouldn't want to go into details. As for me, politician is a person who besides having their own agendas, they are sometimes bond to the agendas of the political party that they're attached to. And as Malaysia is still young country when compared to USA, the popularity of the individuals politician is still the main objectives of the respective politicians to stay in the limelight of the mainstreams.
My hope to the lawmakers is that, whatever they choose to do to be famous or even to be the next Prime Minister, please be careful with the education of the next generation. Playing with education for the purposes to be in the history of Malaysia is a major mistake that will take away Malaysia from it's future.
Anything looks good on paper but implementation is another story. I still remember vividly how I had to sit for UPSR on the 6th grade because my primary school was chosen as a trial school for new education system. I missed the chances to go to good school because as most other school were still taking the exams during the 5th grade, mine was one year later.
The same difficulties I had to overcome was when the faculty of my Alma mater had to cut short and cramped the classes as the ministry wanted more undergraduates to be produced in a short time. Thus many of us took 3 years schooling compared to 4 years, the initial time range. Me, myself had to take 3 years because I was thinking about the competitiveness that I need to hurdle to get a job against my one year old juniors who will graduated at the same times if I stayed for 4 years.
When we fly high we probably will forget the ground. The higher we go, we will see more of the cloud and rainbows. But, when God call us, we still need to go and see him. One fine day, my dear, we will have to come back to the ground.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Weekend in Kobe
Last weekend, I went again to Kobe. However, this times it was a 'rombongan che na ke kobe' (travel with che na to Kobe). It doesn't means that I was the travel agent (huh!) but this time I went there with more than by myself, which was fun and a lot more happening. There were 6 of us including Maira-chan. She's the youngest in the group, daughter of Shima and Am, the first timer visitors for Kobe. Others were Azian and Mirza. Azian was the veteran for Kobe but Mirza was there for her second time.
We start the journey with bus and arrived there around 10.20 a.m. The weather was not so cold. That was a good thing because Maera-chan was not feeling well. She had flu past few days and was still recovering. We met Surini later in Doutour cafe, having brunch together before went off to Ikea Kobe. Su was in her office suited attire the whole day as she was planning to go for Malaysian Japan Association annual meeting which she later didn't. We then went hunting for lunch which end up fruitless because most of the restaurant that offered halal food were closed. Thus, we decided to visit the oldest mosque in Kobe, went for quick shopping and headed to Fisherman Restaurant in Haborland.
The idea for Kobe visit this time was to see 'Ruminarie' or Illumination. I missed this festival for the last 2 years. I think Yati had reminded me of 'Ruminarie' a few times as she was so impressed with this the first time she made a visit to Kobe. And Su had reminded me about it this year and I made a mental note to see for myself the 'Ruminarie', this year. It was very beautiful and we hardly can move around as there were so many people coming to see the lights.
A lot of things happened during this visit and I was very happy to be part of it. Minna-san, arigatou!
We start the journey with bus and arrived there around 10.20 a.m. The weather was not so cold. That was a good thing because Maera-chan was not feeling well. She had flu past few days and was still recovering. We met Surini later in Doutour cafe, having brunch together before went off to Ikea Kobe. Su was in her office suited attire the whole day as she was planning to go for Malaysian Japan Association annual meeting which she later didn't. We then went hunting for lunch which end up fruitless because most of the restaurant that offered halal food were closed. Thus, we decided to visit the oldest mosque in Kobe, went for quick shopping and headed to Fisherman Restaurant in Haborland.
The idea for Kobe visit this time was to see 'Ruminarie' or Illumination. I missed this festival for the last 2 years. I think Yati had reminded me of 'Ruminarie' a few times as she was so impressed with this the first time she made a visit to Kobe. And Su had reminded me about it this year and I made a mental note to see for myself the 'Ruminarie', this year. It was very beautiful and we hardly can move around as there were so many people coming to see the lights.
A lot of things happened during this visit and I was very happy to be part of it. Minna-san, arigatou!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Being the angry young woman
If you're familiar with the name James Dean, then you should knew about labelled Hollywood used for him, "The angry young man" or the movie, "Rebel without a cause." He and his short span of life and Hollywood career did make an impact up until today. There is a website under his name. He was now considered a legend that gave 'rebellious' a life. Or the Bollywood actor, Amitabh Bachchan who became famous by portraying the angry young man in half of his films. He is now 66 years old and still one of the prominent figure in Bollywood. I used to watched many of his movies when I was little.
Thus, what is the angry young man means to you? For me, it means someone who dare to live his life the way he think he should live his. In the movies, the protagonist were always shown to be suppressed but then raised from the ashes for his right against the antagonist, face to face. The dialogs were always full of heated arguments. Sometimes, he was just being angry about his life that can't be objectively defined. The idea of being rebellious is just about being angry.
So, am I going to be the angry young woman? Yes, definitely not. I have ONE good reason. I can't stand myself if I am anger over something. I hate myself if I am angry. This is because anger is a state of emotion that will send me off the blocks. It's like some big hand come and punched me on the face and then I'll be thrown across the lawn onto the brick wall. This means I will used all the energy that I have to be on that state and that state doesn't make me happy either. The situation will become even worse if I, successfully express the emotion with intense rage. That will means I will have sleepless nights and loss of appetite. By showing the anger for one time, the whole week will be a waste of energy and good life. My life is so precious. Thus, I'll always try to be an idealistic and reasonable person to avoid being the angry young woman, one of the cooling effects that seems to work so far.
Probably people see me smiling all the times and thought they can easily bullied me. Never tried that. You'll burn your hand for nothing. Never try to throw a rock into a lake. You'll stirrer the surface of the water and while doing so will waking up Loch Ness monster. Just joking! (*_*)...
Thus, what is the angry young man means to you? For me, it means someone who dare to live his life the way he think he should live his. In the movies, the protagonist were always shown to be suppressed but then raised from the ashes for his right against the antagonist, face to face. The dialogs were always full of heated arguments. Sometimes, he was just being angry about his life that can't be objectively defined. The idea of being rebellious is just about being angry.
So, am I going to be the angry young woman? Yes, definitely not. I have ONE good reason. I can't stand myself if I am anger over something. I hate myself if I am angry. This is because anger is a state of emotion that will send me off the blocks. It's like some big hand come and punched me on the face and then I'll be thrown across the lawn onto the brick wall. This means I will used all the energy that I have to be on that state and that state doesn't make me happy either. The situation will become even worse if I, successfully express the emotion with intense rage. That will means I will have sleepless nights and loss of appetite. By showing the anger for one time, the whole week will be a waste of energy and good life. My life is so precious. Thus, I'll always try to be an idealistic and reasonable person to avoid being the angry young woman, one of the cooling effects that seems to work so far.
Probably people see me smiling all the times and thought they can easily bullied me. Never tried that. You'll burn your hand for nothing. Never try to throw a rock into a lake. You'll stirrer the surface of the water and while doing so will waking up Loch Ness monster. Just joking! (*_*)...
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Nihon go again?
Reason for me posting the 'angry' post about Japanese language or Nihon go was because of my dearest Professor. One of the reasons.
He invited all the lab members for lunch last Monday to celebrate his friend, a Professor from Kyushu who came to gave lectures. At one point he was happy to introduce the other two students as capable of speaking Japanese (and the introduction was also in Nihon go, as if I don't understand it at all). Off course they do. Both of them were from the regular PhD course that had the opportunity to study Japanese language for 6 months. One of them is still taking the classes.
So, why I am not taking the classes? I am from the English Phd course, a special course approved by the Mombusho or Ministry of Education. It was only compulsory for me to attend 3 hours classes per week for 12 months. And my Professor is not the one who like his students to linger around outside the laboratory, if you understand what I mean. If you don't understand, in Japan the new students are treated like kindergarten children. It's not something bad as this is in their culture. I was monitored like kid for about 1 year until recently, when he had new attachment student in our lab. Forgot to mention that this situation happened in almost laboratory under old school professor. But some may not like that. So, do not worry so much if you are coming to Japan for research study. You'll get used of it after sometimes.
My point is if you do not allowed the student to study Japanese language, how on earth do you expect them to be good in it? It's like if you do not eat, you will never get full.
He invited all the lab members for lunch last Monday to celebrate his friend, a Professor from Kyushu who came to gave lectures. At one point he was happy to introduce the other two students as capable of speaking Japanese (and the introduction was also in Nihon go, as if I don't understand it at all). Off course they do. Both of them were from the regular PhD course that had the opportunity to study Japanese language for 6 months. One of them is still taking the classes.
So, why I am not taking the classes? I am from the English Phd course, a special course approved by the Mombusho or Ministry of Education. It was only compulsory for me to attend 3 hours classes per week for 12 months. And my Professor is not the one who like his students to linger around outside the laboratory, if you understand what I mean. If you don't understand, in Japan the new students are treated like kindergarten children. It's not something bad as this is in their culture. I was monitored like kid for about 1 year until recently, when he had new attachment student in our lab. Forgot to mention that this situation happened in almost laboratory under old school professor. But some may not like that. So, do not worry so much if you are coming to Japan for research study. You'll get used of it after sometimes.
My point is if you do not allowed the student to study Japanese language, how on earth do you expect them to be good in it? It's like if you do not eat, you will never get full.
Huh! Learn kanji in 2 days?
Other people might say that I am cool having living here without knowing a single word of Japanese language and not able to read kanji. No, I am not cool. In reverse, I never feel safe if I'm outside the house or if not in the laboratory. The only two places that I feel I belong to. The other places, hard to say.
Alright, probably now I can understand a little whenever people speak to me. It is like in one long sentence, I can recognized 2 or 3 words and based on that I try to make up the meaning. Sometimes I'll ask another questions to make sure that I get it right. It is not easy as when we pop up a question, the answer could make us more confuse.
It's not that I am lazy to study Japanese. It was that "language" is not to be studied. For some people, it's like eating nuts. For me, it's like hiking the mountain, Himalaya maybe. I took 30 years to be confident to be able to converse in English. So, when I was sent here and expected to understand this language overnight, it's really frustrated. Yes, some people really made me sad as they do not understand my conditions. I was without any knowledge of Japanese language and Japan prior to me coming here. Even the words kanji reminds me of a rice soup. So, when you're in battling over the culture, the never understand types of Professor, the never finished laboratory works, missing a soulmate, missing friends, and yet people expect me to learn Japanese language in one go. What I am? A robot? Malaysians students who are send here with 2 years experiences of learning Japanese language, kanji writing and some culture should feel gratitude to the programme. You're learning something that I can only wish I had.
But, as I am expected to be strong, wise and cool, so I am trying to be one. I'll get myself over the language barrier before I go home for good. Am I? Huh! 8-/
Alright, probably now I can understand a little whenever people speak to me. It is like in one long sentence, I can recognized 2 or 3 words and based on that I try to make up the meaning. Sometimes I'll ask another questions to make sure that I get it right. It is not easy as when we pop up a question, the answer could make us more confuse.
It's not that I am lazy to study Japanese. It was that "language" is not to be studied. For some people, it's like eating nuts. For me, it's like hiking the mountain, Himalaya maybe. I took 30 years to be confident to be able to converse in English. So, when I was sent here and expected to understand this language overnight, it's really frustrated. Yes, some people really made me sad as they do not understand my conditions. I was without any knowledge of Japanese language and Japan prior to me coming here. Even the words kanji reminds me of a rice soup. So, when you're in battling over the culture, the never understand types of Professor, the never finished laboratory works, missing a soulmate, missing friends, and yet people expect me to learn Japanese language in one go. What I am? A robot? Malaysians students who are send here with 2 years experiences of learning Japanese language, kanji writing and some culture should feel gratitude to the programme. You're learning something that I can only wish I had.
But, as I am expected to be strong, wise and cool, so I am trying to be one. I'll get myself over the language barrier before I go home for good. Am I? Huh! 8-/
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Out of focus
Today is one of the day where my 'senses' take control over me. In the day like today, I'll be overwhelmed with unknown emotions which stirred the 'coolness' in me. It is actually an ordinary day but somehow I will feel like there are or is unfinished business somewhere. The mind is not functioning to the normal level. Sometimes, I can get the daily work done without much trouble but it is usually not in total alertness as my brain is working to tell the 'senses' that there is nothing to be worried about. If the person close to me is around, they probably will notice that I am quite agitated on the day like this. I just thank God that today, the day is almost end.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Another winter
Winter is here. Another season that will send me to hibernation. But, I want to enjoy the season this time around. It is impossible to have winter in Malaysia besides the "recreational winter" that can be found in the family recreational area. We have all year sunny and rainy days. Winter can be called a dream for most Malaysians. My younger brother is hoping to come here next winter for his honeymoon. Which means that he will have to wait for another 10 months after his wedding this coming March.
Yeah! I will embrace winter. It's cold but if I can find enough heat within me, it might work. Probably even the White Witch couldn't touch me for fear of melting, huh! ("/)...
Yeah! I will embrace winter. It's cold but if I can find enough heat within me, it might work. Probably even the White Witch couldn't touch me for fear of melting, huh! ("/)...
Monday, December 8, 2008
Live a good life
If I would live up until 75 years old, then I am now at the middle of my life journey. A long way to go but I always pray that it would be worth it while. The past half saw many ups and downs in my life. The ups were good and the downs were eventually had became good too, in memories. As a person who believe that life is a school, I do take everythings that happen as a lesson to be learn. Or spiritually, a way to remind me of the Great One up there.
Bad moments are awfully painfull. Especially while we're facing it. However, when it pass me and I am far up front, it will turn itself into memories. As I love thinking, I will take all the time that I need to evaluate it and at the end it will become a subject of self improvement.
In reality, another 30 years plus is not long. Live a good life, I say. Who knows, I probably can even make it to 100 years.
Bad moments are awfully painfull. Especially while we're facing it. However, when it pass me and I am far up front, it will turn itself into memories. As I love thinking, I will take all the time that I need to evaluate it and at the end it will become a subject of self improvement.
In reality, another 30 years plus is not long. Live a good life, I say. Who knows, I probably can even make it to 100 years.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Food and cooking
The least that I wanted to do when I was little is to cook. I thought (from what I saw by looking at my mother) it was a boring thing to do. Probably it was true to my dearest mother who was the only woman in the family at the moment who can cook. The other girl, which happened to be me was so small and gave a lot of attention and so busy playing out door games with the boys. By the way, forgot to mentioned that I got two younger brothers and all the other children in our neighborhood, my contemporaries, were coincidentally all boys. Thus, cooking was not in their agendas and so did mine. We had to follow the flock to stay friends, right?
But then again, when I went and stayed in the hostels, eating suddenly became my beloved activity. I was in the half prep all girls school. As my house was quite far and my parents thought that I could used the time that I would take travelling studying in the hostel, so I stayed. The administration for the hostels provided us 6 times meals. Wow! At home, busy with playing I rarely had time to eat. Somehow, I changed my perspective about eating. (I'll tell my experience about dining in that hostel later).
Let me told you about one time when I refused to eat dinner at home. I couldn't remember the number of times I skipped meals prior to that incident but my parents were so angry (or concerned) that night because I was not eating properly. My father dragged me down while I was watching the television, put me on the chair of dinner table while him, standing with a stick behind me and my mother scooped me rice. I had my dinner that way that night. After the incident I will eat as little as possible every meals time though I don't want to eat to avoid such conditions again. That memory put a smile on my face every time I think of it. How much they love me? You tell me.
Back to the original story. Because I love eating, I eventually learn to cook. At first reluctantly as guided by my mother. She would asked me to assist her in the kitchen where I would asked all sorts of questions. Then she let me tried my hand at cooking. Somehow, after sometimes cooking just came natural to me. I could just eat some dishes in the restaurant, recognized the taste and tried my hand making it at home. I got enough experiences in cooking especially when I live on my own for about 7 years doing undergraduate and master course somewhere far from home.
My friend once said whoever that is able to cook are able to do lab work, especially biological lab work as it need certain types of hands to make it. But I believe, everyone can cook as long as they have their heart in it. Cooking is actually the act of love. ("_)
But then again, when I went and stayed in the hostels, eating suddenly became my beloved activity. I was in the half prep all girls school. As my house was quite far and my parents thought that I could used the time that I would take travelling studying in the hostel, so I stayed. The administration for the hostels provided us 6 times meals. Wow! At home, busy with playing I rarely had time to eat. Somehow, I changed my perspective about eating. (I'll tell my experience about dining in that hostel later).
Let me told you about one time when I refused to eat dinner at home. I couldn't remember the number of times I skipped meals prior to that incident but my parents were so angry (or concerned) that night because I was not eating properly. My father dragged me down while I was watching the television, put me on the chair of dinner table while him, standing with a stick behind me and my mother scooped me rice. I had my dinner that way that night. After the incident I will eat as little as possible every meals time though I don't want to eat to avoid such conditions again. That memory put a smile on my face every time I think of it. How much they love me? You tell me.
Back to the original story. Because I love eating, I eventually learn to cook. At first reluctantly as guided by my mother. She would asked me to assist her in the kitchen where I would asked all sorts of questions. Then she let me tried my hand at cooking. Somehow, after sometimes cooking just came natural to me. I could just eat some dishes in the restaurant, recognized the taste and tried my hand making it at home. I got enough experiences in cooking especially when I live on my own for about 7 years doing undergraduate and master course somewhere far from home.
My friend once said whoever that is able to cook are able to do lab work, especially biological lab work as it need certain types of hands to make it. But I believe, everyone can cook as long as they have their heart in it. Cooking is actually the act of love. ("_)
Friday, December 5, 2008
Be happy!
The famous quote amongst my younger friends in USM was "It's all in the mind". It was the overrated one sentence which was used in almost all occasion especially if one feel bad about thyself. At one point 'Being Happy', a self help book by Andrew Matthews was becoming hot topics of discussion. It was all about us at that time trying to live a happy life after being burned with unstoppable laboratory's works.
Living a happy life is not only a dream of some people but almost everybody trying to find it. Today, a googled on "how to be happy" gave returns of 27,900,000 hits. Is it really difficult to be happy? My answer is yes if we do not know how to be gratitude.
As for me, I am trying my very best to live a happy life. I believe it is there in our self. We just need to look or keep looking for it. Being contend and looking at the unfortunate people will be one of them. Just look at the food that we throw away each day and compare to the people who have to wait and die while waiting for the food to reach them. Actually, anyone who can read this post is lucky. You have hands and eyes. Be gratitude each day and live happily. Sure, life is no justice and once a while something bad might happened. Furthermore, we are not in heaven yet. But, look at the brighter side. We will never appreciate happy moment if there is no bad moment. I am glad I am still alive.
Living a happy life is not only a dream of some people but almost everybody trying to find it. Today, a googled on "how to be happy" gave returns of 27,900,000 hits. Is it really difficult to be happy? My answer is yes if we do not know how to be gratitude.
As for me, I am trying my very best to live a happy life. I believe it is there in our self. We just need to look or keep looking for it. Being contend and looking at the unfortunate people will be one of them. Just look at the food that we throw away each day and compare to the people who have to wait and die while waiting for the food to reach them. Actually, anyone who can read this post is lucky. You have hands and eyes. Be gratitude each day and live happily. Sure, life is no justice and once a while something bad might happened. Furthermore, we are not in heaven yet. But, look at the brighter side. We will never appreciate happy moment if there is no bad moment. I am glad I am still alive.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
"I bullied because I can"
In my previous post about Utopia online gaming, I was talking about one player who accused me of being difficult before leaving the game. This post is about the recent event that take place.
Every three months, the game will be reset and you'll have new opportunity to rename the team or change the kingdom. I like my kingdom so much that I've stayed there for about 5 ages. So, it's like I've been playing the game for more than 1 year.
Every kingdom randomly will be set to a number. Let say group x:yy, is kingdom number x in yy island. In yy island there are like 20 or more groups. We have this group who are the biggest in the island and they acted like the biggest jerk that I've ever known.
There is one guy who smacked one of their member and they wanted to retaliate against him. (This was all happened in a game in the internet).That's fine with me. This little guy run away from his previous kingdom and landed peacefully at ours. But they didn't want to let him go. Their king message my king. Unfortunately, our king had a little crisis of his own in real life. His aunt was diagnosed as having blood aneurysm in the brain and at the moment is fighting for her life and the recent prognosis from the doctors is that she wouldn't make it.
Thus, our King explained the situation and said he'll check if the little guy who just landed in our kingdom was as bad as the jerk king accused him to be. The jerk king gave our king 12 hours to straight things up. To make the matters even worst and finally stamped the jerk king bad as a person was when he said that the real life problems of our king have nothing to do with the game. That's correct but can he at least try to understand the life and death situation of the living people outside the Net. He's surely has a mother or probably someone who dear to him. What if that situation happened to him, something like life and death problems maybe? My guess is that the jerk king has no family or from a defunct family. That's the only reason to explain his response. He even mentioned that he bullied our kingdom because he can. If he's 17 years old, I wish him the very best for his future. I can only see blank coming.
This is the real story and it did happened in a game. I am learning more about human as day goes by through this game. Thank God I did not play this game in real life with real people, with bunch of boys or men. Sigh! I can imagine some blood flowing from his nose and black eyes. Our king mentioned something about having a meet up if he stayed in 25km radius.
Every three months, the game will be reset and you'll have new opportunity to rename the team or change the kingdom. I like my kingdom so much that I've stayed there for about 5 ages. So, it's like I've been playing the game for more than 1 year.
Every kingdom randomly will be set to a number. Let say group x:yy, is kingdom number x in yy island. In yy island there are like 20 or more groups. We have this group who are the biggest in the island and they acted like the biggest jerk that I've ever known.
There is one guy who smacked one of their member and they wanted to retaliate against him. (This was all happened in a game in the internet).That's fine with me. This little guy run away from his previous kingdom and landed peacefully at ours. But they didn't want to let him go. Their king message my king. Unfortunately, our king had a little crisis of his own in real life. His aunt was diagnosed as having blood aneurysm in the brain and at the moment is fighting for her life and the recent prognosis from the doctors is that she wouldn't make it.
Thus, our King explained the situation and said he'll check if the little guy who just landed in our kingdom was as bad as the jerk king accused him to be. The jerk king gave our king 12 hours to straight things up. To make the matters even worst and finally stamped the jerk king bad as a person was when he said that the real life problems of our king have nothing to do with the game. That's correct but can he at least try to understand the life and death situation of the living people outside the Net. He's surely has a mother or probably someone who dear to him. What if that situation happened to him, something like life and death problems maybe? My guess is that the jerk king has no family or from a defunct family. That's the only reason to explain his response. He even mentioned that he bullied our kingdom because he can. If he's 17 years old, I wish him the very best for his future. I can only see blank coming.
This is the real story and it did happened in a game. I am learning more about human as day goes by through this game. Thank God I did not play this game in real life with real people, with bunch of boys or men. Sigh! I can imagine some blood flowing from his nose and black eyes. Our king mentioned something about having a meet up if he stayed in 25km radius.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Humor versus seriousness
Reading for motivation or self improvement is always my favourite pastime besides the thriller or who-do-it kind of styles writing. Thus, somehow I had subscribe to an emailing list of Dr Tony Alessandra. I can't say much about him because I have no idea who he is (his website said he is a business strategist) but some of the materials that I received through the email were good.
Today he remind me about the ability to laugh at yourself, which means to not take yourself too seriously. However, it does not means that we do not take the job or the responsibility lightly. It was just to be humorous when talking will make the conversation more interesting and the person look better on the eyes of others. Too serious will hamper the mood. Sometimes end up being protective. And that's the end of further development of a relationship.
I think I was quite defensive. It was around 15 years ago when I was first introduced to the term 'laughing at yourself'. It simplified a lot of thing in my life. By understand the power of humor, I then used humor to get to know other people. It wasn't easy for me as I'm born introvert. Sometimes, I have to leverage myself before I had enough strength to be the joker of the party. Yes, I had more friends now than 15 years ago. The numbers of friends that I have now would be less if I stay the way I was. I think so. Seriously.
Today he remind me about the ability to laugh at yourself, which means to not take yourself too seriously. However, it does not means that we do not take the job or the responsibility lightly. It was just to be humorous when talking will make the conversation more interesting and the person look better on the eyes of others. Too serious will hamper the mood. Sometimes end up being protective. And that's the end of further development of a relationship.
I think I was quite defensive. It was around 15 years ago when I was first introduced to the term 'laughing at yourself'. It simplified a lot of thing in my life. By understand the power of humor, I then used humor to get to know other people. It wasn't easy for me as I'm born introvert. Sometimes, I have to leverage myself before I had enough strength to be the joker of the party. Yes, I had more friends now than 15 years ago. The numbers of friends that I have now would be less if I stay the way I was. I think so. Seriously.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Backside of coins
Life and death are related two each other. It's like death is the backside of a coins to life which provides balance to the world. And I sound like a script writer to an opening episode of 'Ghost Whisperer', huh!
Anyhow, life always work wonders and peculiar. I was told last three days ago that my cousins who is 33 years old, married with young son is confirmed as having colon cancer. He was previously admitted because he had some difficulty with his stomach and later the doctors said it was a tumor, benign. After the second operation, the latest diagnosed, it was cancer.
He is 33 years old! Even my mother said it is really an age where people get excited about life. I hope his prognosis is good. I have not yet get in touch with them, his family, since the news. Not that I don't care but I am just out of words. What are we supposed to say to a person who is diagnosed with colon cancer?
Anyhow, life always work wonders and peculiar. I was told last three days ago that my cousins who is 33 years old, married with young son is confirmed as having colon cancer. He was previously admitted because he had some difficulty with his stomach and later the doctors said it was a tumor, benign. After the second operation, the latest diagnosed, it was cancer.
He is 33 years old! Even my mother said it is really an age where people get excited about life. I hope his prognosis is good. I have not yet get in touch with them, his family, since the news. Not that I don't care but I am just out of words. What are we supposed to say to a person who is diagnosed with colon cancer?
Monday, December 1, 2008
Laksa
Laksa is one of my 100 favourites food. Especially Laksa Utara. It is a food that consist of rice noodle with fish soup and eaten with salad. Preparing the soup is easy but we need some special herbs that can be find in Southeast Asian. The two that is most important is bunga kantan or siantan (Torch Ginger Bud or in Latin, Etlingera elatior) and daun kesum (viatnamese coriender or Polygonum hydropiper in Latin). Abg Saru brought it from Malaysia, and thanks to K Ann and Ina for supplying it to him.
Yesterday, I made it and invited a few friends to my house. Kasai san, the organizer of Mikan gari (picking orange activities) was specially invited as he mentioned that he love to eat. The other guests were Mamik and family, Dewi and family and the singles, Azian, Mirza and Mira. Shima and family came after all the other guests had gone home. Tokunaga sensei who is supposed to come couldn't make it.
Actually, the party was for my birthday but I guessed they already forgot about my birthday as it was two weeks ago and I haven't mentioned a single soul about it. Hahaha! Anyhow, I enjoy having the all the guests yesterday and wish that they were also happy coming to my house.
Yesterday, I made it and invited a few friends to my house. Kasai san, the organizer of Mikan gari (picking orange activities) was specially invited as he mentioned that he love to eat. The other guests were Mamik and family, Dewi and family and the singles, Azian, Mirza and Mira. Shima and family came after all the other guests had gone home. Tokunaga sensei who is supposed to come couldn't make it.
Actually, the party was for my birthday but I guessed they already forgot about my birthday as it was two weeks ago and I haven't mentioned a single soul about it. Hahaha! Anyhow, I enjoy having the all the guests yesterday and wish that they were also happy coming to my house.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Simple but lovely
Life could be as simple as "I love u". It don't have to be said and crafted in gold and let all other people know about it. I love to live a life that is simple, yet lovely, and full of unspoken love.
It would be nice if we just know that we are living with a person who care, love and happy to be with us. Sometimes, simple thing that we do in daily life would be a proof that we're in love. Big boom bang of something sometimes just full of nothing.
It would be nice if we just know that we are living with a person who care, love and happy to be with us. Sometimes, simple thing that we do in daily life would be a proof that we're in love. Big boom bang of something sometimes just full of nothing.
Reality of broken society
The globalization have made this world small. Japan and Malaysia is just about a second away from each other. I can get to my mother anywhere she is. I can get hold of my friends and ask for help anytime. It is really convenience.
The big BUT comes after that. The Mumbai blast that last yesterday is the results of the damage world. Soul or life means nothing. The young so called Muslim extremists took 100 plus persons life just to make a point. The prejudice will blame the entire group, the Muslims.
Blame the Americans and Jewish, killed 100 plus of them. Will this end the case? No. It will be going on and on. The Americans and Jewish will blame Muslims. At the end, it is just like the story of egg and chicken. The blaming and accusations will never stop. The killing will never stop. A sad story to read to start my day.
What is the connection between the two, globalization and the extremist? The technology! It was very sad for me to read that they were in their early 20's. I saw a picture that one of them was walking with gun holding down from his right shoulder. It reminds me of young kamikaze jet fighters during world war II. The different between them is that this group of young extremists were successfully brainwashed till they think that killing is pardon. If they read the Koran correctly, it is not. They will never win this war by being like this. They are only cracking the stability of life other people have.
In one of they phone called made to the TV station, one of them asked where the world when their mothers and sisters were killed. Did they think killing another innocent people will bring back the death. We just need to stop the death from keep happening. Killing another innocent human is just proving that you're as bad as they are.
The big BUT comes after that. The Mumbai blast that last yesterday is the results of the damage world. Soul or life means nothing. The young so called Muslim extremists took 100 plus persons life just to make a point. The prejudice will blame the entire group, the Muslims.
Blame the Americans and Jewish, killed 100 plus of them. Will this end the case? No. It will be going on and on. The Americans and Jewish will blame Muslims. At the end, it is just like the story of egg and chicken. The blaming and accusations will never stop. The killing will never stop. A sad story to read to start my day.
What is the connection between the two, globalization and the extremist? The technology! It was very sad for me to read that they were in their early 20's. I saw a picture that one of them was walking with gun holding down from his right shoulder. It reminds me of young kamikaze jet fighters during world war II. The different between them is that this group of young extremists were successfully brainwashed till they think that killing is pardon. If they read the Koran correctly, it is not. They will never win this war by being like this. They are only cracking the stability of life other people have.
In one of they phone called made to the TV station, one of them asked where the world when their mothers and sisters were killed. Did they think killing another innocent people will bring back the death. We just need to stop the death from keep happening. Killing another innocent human is just proving that you're as bad as they are.
Why keep our soul?
Many songs talk about soul. What is soul? Why soul?
Soul according to wikipedia is "the immaterial part of a person. It is usually thought to consist of one's thoughts and personality, and can be synonymous with the spirit, mind or self". As for me it is the real thing of me.
People may see me in any way they project. They can see my face only. They can see my brain only. They can see me as a woman. They can see me as a helpless creature. They can see me as a person who is good or even bad. They can see me by the clothes that I choose to wear, by my walking styles or anything. But, my soul is immaterial. They can't see the real me under the skin. Under their eyes, I could be anyone.
The best thing about having the soul is we can choose who we want to be. Clear the mind. Think with the open heart. Talk to our soul. Ask the God to guide. Keep your soul clean and pretty because they are the real person underneath the skin and bone. Pretty face does not mean pretty soul. Bad face with bad soul is the worst thing people can ask for.
Soul according to wikipedia is "the immaterial part of a person. It is usually thought to consist of one's thoughts and personality, and can be synonymous with the spirit, mind or self". As for me it is the real thing of me.
People may see me in any way they project. They can see my face only. They can see my brain only. They can see me as a woman. They can see me as a helpless creature. They can see me as a person who is good or even bad. They can see me by the clothes that I choose to wear, by my walking styles or anything. But, my soul is immaterial. They can't see the real me under the skin. Under their eyes, I could be anyone.
The best thing about having the soul is we can choose who we want to be. Clear the mind. Think with the open heart. Talk to our soul. Ask the God to guide. Keep your soul clean and pretty because they are the real person underneath the skin and bone. Pretty face does not mean pretty soul. Bad face with bad soul is the worst thing people can ask for.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Are we human enough?
In this world, human are considered the best and complete animal. We can speak, think, see and have emotion and able to use all the four abilities to live in this world conveniently. Besides that we still show our animal characteristics in everyday life like kill, rape, jealous, anger and other bad manners. Are we human enough? Ask our self the next time we want to do something bad. It only takes a second to analyse if we are human or beast. Pause and think.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
When we care...
I do think a lot, most of the time even while sleeping. That's why I can't get good sleep if I have something in my mind, some 'mind' unfinished business.
Going back to the topics, last night I talked to my mother. We may not agree on a lot of things but it's common because of generation's gap. It's never an issue between us. But one thing that both of us share is that we're the first child in the family.
I can hear some frustration in her voices and sentences when she talked about her family, which is my extended family. She seems so concern that some of her siblings made a pass when comes to one of their sister's family, she passed away about 10 years ago. I can fully understand her.
Asian family is a close knit family. We are supposed to know each other so well. In some families, three generations can still live together. Probably my mother is fearing the worst. Of course nobody wants their family to fell apart. The worst will come when they do not even know who is who amongst the family members.
My mother cares about her family. However, being a woman she can't do much because she was a married woman back then. Fully dependent to my father made her more cripple in the sense of being the first born in the family. But she cares a lot. As do I. Solution: we still do have other options if the world is against us. We can directly go to the world's Creator and be by his side. Then, even the world is smaller compared to us. (^_^)
Going back to the topics, last night I talked to my mother. We may not agree on a lot of things but it's common because of generation's gap. It's never an issue between us. But one thing that both of us share is that we're the first child in the family.
I can hear some frustration in her voices and sentences when she talked about her family, which is my extended family. She seems so concern that some of her siblings made a pass when comes to one of their sister's family, she passed away about 10 years ago. I can fully understand her.
Asian family is a close knit family. We are supposed to know each other so well. In some families, three generations can still live together. Probably my mother is fearing the worst. Of course nobody wants their family to fell apart. The worst will come when they do not even know who is who amongst the family members.
My mother cares about her family. However, being a woman she can't do much because she was a married woman back then. Fully dependent to my father made her more cripple in the sense of being the first born in the family. But she cares a lot. As do I. Solution: we still do have other options if the world is against us. We can directly go to the world's Creator and be by his side. Then, even the world is smaller compared to us. (^_^)
Japanese and nature
Impromptu decision! Sometimes we need to make life a little fun. Following the old boring ways 
can make life stagnant. So, last two weeks after sending our guests back home to Malaysia, I asked Su if she wanted to go Arashiyama. After getting some information from the JR train booth, we bought the tickets on the spot and off to Arashiyama.
can make life stagnant. So, last two weeks after sending our guests back home to Malaysia, I asked Su if she wanted to go Arashiyama. After getting some information from the JR train booth, we bought the tickets on the spot and off to Arashiyama. 
Arashiyama, a place where we can find good zen temples, was full with people coming for kouyou. Japanese really appreciate nature, I guess. Young and old, women and men spending times visiting scenic places. It is actually a good activity. Walking through the places (which sometimes takes fives hours, again good for heart), have somebodies to accompany with and to talk to and enjoy the beauty of nature. What a life!Arashiyama is a beautiful mountain especially during autumn. The red, green and yellow leaves made the scenery very lovely. They even have special 'matsuri' (festival) just for the autumn in Arashiyama. Besides that, we can find many shops selling souvenirs if we're looking for one.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Stop and smell the roses
The hectic life could be a disaster for a person. We can keep going and make millions dollar worth of money or have thousands of people working for us. I would just like to say that money can't buy hea
lth. Money can't buy happiness. Money can't buy long life.
Thus, while we still have sometimes in life, stop and smell the roses. We never know when is the last day of our life in this world. Appreciate the life and people around us.
Last year was the last time I saw my grandmother alive. Few weeks before she passed away, was the last time I talked to her.
lth. Money can't buy happiness. Money can't buy long life.At one point of our life, we shall at least stop and ponder upon what have we achieved. Surely people will start counting their houses, cars and assets in the banks. But how about our own life. Are we happy? Are we contend with our life? Are we ready if today or tomorrow we are no more in this world?
I remember one particular car industrialist in Malaysia. He was successful in life and business. However, life was rather short for him. At 50 plus he passed away of an incurable disease. In within one year after he was diagnosed, he was called to met his Creator. Taking him as an example, I am sure that we should realized that money can't buy health and long life. It's all in God's hand.
I remember one particular car industrialist in Malaysia. He was successful in life and business. However, life was rather short for him. At 50 plus he passed away of an incurable disease. In within one year after he was diagnosed, he was called to met his Creator. Taking him as an example, I am sure that we should realized that money can't buy health and long life. It's all in God's hand.
Thus, while we still have sometimes in life, stop and smell the roses. We never know when is the last day of our life in this world. Appreciate the life and people around us.Last year was the last time I saw my grandmother alive. Few weeks before she passed away, was the last time I talked to her.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
A new pattern for brain, a way to improve memory
Last month, I came across an article of how to improve memory. One of the suggestions is to make new simple things in everyday life. If we like to take the same route to the office or lecture hall, probably by elevator (lift), maybe once a while we can take stairway (added value for better heart).The idea is introduce our brain some new patterns. I think if we keep doing the same thing over a period of time, one day we can even do it 'autopilot'. When it comes to 'autopilot', we're just enhance the same part of neurons on the brain. Probably the excitement of new neurons exist but at a very low percentage (this is purely hypothetical or my own suggestion, no scientifically support) or non at all. Doing new thing will 'force' our brain to recognize new surrounding and excite new neurons. I think, I can live with doing new little things in life. It keeps me from boredom.
I did something new today. Went to Takamatsu town with Mirza by train and did some little exciting things. Yes, like riding bicycle around the town. Nothing much but exciting. I had a wonderful day. (^_^)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I want to fly
I want to fly but the my wings are not ready yet. I thought that I could reach the moon soon but the journey have to be postponed. Every night, I cry out loud inside thinking about the journey.
The sacrifice that I had made in order to get the wings kept me awake every night. It had been 2 years since the last time I really had a good night sleep. The sleepless nights were nothing like other people think. I might doze off easily, but the wings in the making will wake me up in the middle of the night. It's a torture that I believe nobody should go through. I've gave up many things in life for the wings and the journey.
I hate to say this, I want the gold wings but he's making the platinum. My wings maker is a wise man with great knowledge. Knowledge come with age. He is now an old man. Though he is good wings maker but old ages have taken some of his creativity. His time probably has come to an end and my wings are probably the last pair of wing that he can make.
I pray to the Almighty to help me and help the old wings maker.
The sacrifice that I had made in order to get the wings kept me awake every night. It had been 2 years since the last time I really had a good night sleep. The sleepless nights were nothing like other people think. I might doze off easily, but the wings in the making will wake me up in the middle of the night. It's a torture that I believe nobody should go through. I've gave up many things in life for the wings and the journey.
I hate to say this, I want the gold wings but he's making the platinum. My wings maker is a wise man with great knowledge. Knowledge come with age. He is now an old man. Though he is good wings maker but old ages have taken some of his creativity. His time probably has come to an end and my wings are probably the last pair of wing that he can make.
I pray to the Almighty to help me and help the old wings maker.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
100th post - forgive and forgiven
I am thinking of writing about conscience of oneself.
Probably, I think now is the best time in my life, though I feel bad about it, but I am having ample time to reflect my life and my journey after this. One of Malaysian motivator always said that the best thing to do before going to sleep is to forgive everyone. He means literally, everyone, yes, everyone that we have grudge against. That's means if we even hate some high up politicians in the foreign country that we had nothing to do about. We shall forgive everyone and especially our self.
In my opinion, the hardest think anyone can do is to forgive thyself. Or at least I felt so about myself. I am not perfectionist in the term of physically arrange things to the T. Like having my nails cut at almost the same pattern or the arrangement of bottles should be facing north. I admit that I may have the tendency but I would hate myself if I am so. But one thing that I can't control is my consciousness.
It is actually hard for me to forgive myself. I can forgive others and even forget them completely in order to save myself from the burning anger inside. At one point, a friend pointed it out "We are not perfect!". The sentence live with me since then. Every time I make mistake, I'll try to mend it and then try to forgive myself.
P/s -"Try to avoid hurting other people as every time you hurt them, it's like we're hitting one nail into the wall of their heart. When we ask for forgiveness, it's like taking out the nail. Remember that the nail maybe out, but a mark is left on the wall. One nail one mark, 100 nails, 100 marks. And we're losing them."
Probably, I think now is the best time in my life, though I feel bad about it, but I am having ample time to reflect my life and my journey after this. One of Malaysian motivator always said that the best thing to do before going to sleep is to forgive everyone. He means literally, everyone, yes, everyone that we have grudge against. That's means if we even hate some high up politicians in the foreign country that we had nothing to do about. We shall forgive everyone and especially our self.
In my opinion, the hardest think anyone can do is to forgive thyself. Or at least I felt so about myself. I am not perfectionist in the term of physically arrange things to the T. Like having my nails cut at almost the same pattern or the arrangement of bottles should be facing north. I admit that I may have the tendency but I would hate myself if I am so. But one thing that I can't control is my consciousness.
It is actually hard for me to forgive myself. I can forgive others and even forget them completely in order to save myself from the burning anger inside. At one point, a friend pointed it out "We are not perfect!". The sentence live with me since then. Every time I make mistake, I'll try to mend it and then try to forgive myself.
P/s -"Try to avoid hurting other people as every time you hurt them, it's like we're hitting one nail into the wall of their heart. When we ask for forgiveness, it's like taking out the nail. Remember that the nail maybe out, but a mark is left on the wall. One nail one mark, 100 nails, 100 marks. And we're losing them."
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Kouyou in Kuramoto
Last Saturday, Mirza and I were left alone by the rest of the gang. As the rule of thumb in Japan, I will need any of them to help me in translation if I wanted to go for 'special' shopping. She agreed to accompany me for shopping and then we would go for 'kouyou', an activity that Japanese do during 'aki' or autumn where they will go out to see the color of autumn, changes of the color of leaves. I am very proud of Japanese people when comes to appreciate nature. They are very good at it.
We spent our day by having coffee and sandwich at Doutor for lunch, bought some facial skin care for me (I got 5000yen voucher for best poster award during a conference), cycled to Kuramoto, took many pictures (almost 150 pieces using Mirza's Nikon DLSR Camera alone), went back Tokushima Eki, eat udon, went to 100yen shop and bought somethings (just to further decreased my level of stress) and finally went to have some softcream ice cream before we parted home.
And went I arrived at my apartment, I saw Am, husband of Shima was running down the stairs after left Malay food prepared by Shima on my front door. She cooked Sambal Udang Petai (Prawn Chillies with Petai or Parkia Speciosa) and uncooked Ikan Pekasam (Rice Seasoning Fish), a special tradisional Malay preparation of fish. The fish is fermented with fried rice grain and salt. It provide salty and sour taste to the fish. I just love both dishes.
Some pictures of Ikan pekasam and Sambal Udang Petai. Most Malaysian love this dishes. (^_^)
We spent our day by having coffee and sandwich at Doutor for lunch, bought some facial skin care for me (I got 5000yen voucher for best poster award during a conference), cycled to Kuramoto, took many pictures (almost 150 pieces using Mirza's Nikon DLSR Camera alone), went back Tokushima Eki, eat udon, went to 100yen shop and bought somethings (just to further decreased my level of stress) and finally went to have some softcream ice cream before we parted home.
And went I arrived at my apartment, I saw Am, husband of Shima was running down the stairs after left Malay food prepared by Shima on my front door. She cooked Sambal Udang Petai (Prawn Chillies with Petai or Parkia Speciosa) and uncooked Ikan Pekasam (Rice Seasoning Fish), a special tradisional Malay preparation of fish. The fish is fermented with fried rice grain and salt. It provide salty and sour taste to the fish. I just love both dishes.
Some pictures of Ikan pekasam and Sambal Udang Petai. Most Malaysian love this dishes. (^_^)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Excite the brain
Actually, today I don't have nothing much to do. Just lingering around the house and catching up with some of my favourites TV shows. I love X-files series up until now. And the current running series is CSI, I love all three of them. I think I like the series because they provide me with excitement, I was able to run my brain while watching them. I hate to say this but 'thinking' and 'solving' puzzle really my favourite pass time activities.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Bowling - the game of mind
After having the 'supposed' birthday dinner, we went for bowling game. Tonight, I managed to strike all the pin down only once but my game (by my standard, pardon me) was improving. As far as I know, bowling is a game that combined both techniques and concentration. Once we throw the ball, we will likely will be able to know if it will hit most of the pin, all pin or non at all.
For the professional player, it was the technique that is important. They seems are able to make the ball go anywhere there wanted to. It even able to make a turn. For the beginner like me, all I need is to concentrate or the ball will just go down the gutter of the alley most of the time. Anyhow, I enjoy throwing the ball very much!
For the professional player, it was the technique that is important. They seems are able to make the ball go anywhere there wanted to. It even able to make a turn. For the beginner like me, all I need is to concentrate or the ball will just go down the gutter of the alley most of the time. Anyhow, I enjoy throwing the ball very much!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Birthday Dinner
Tonight, a few of us are going to celebrate Mira's and my birthday by having dinner at the Caprichoza Restaurant in town. It is a restaurant that serves Italian dishes, pizzas and spaghetti. We will Dutch split the cost, so there is nothing special about the dinner actually. The best thing behind the fact that we choose the restaurant is that it have a special treat for birthday girl/boy.
Beside the cake, they will took picture of the person and personalized it as a card and give it as a gift. What a great idea to celebrate birthday! (^_^)
Beside the cake, they will took picture of the person and personalized it as a card and give it as a gift. What a great idea to celebrate birthday! (^_^)
Lunch treat - Mongolian dishes
The whole lab members had just finished having Mongolian styles lunch dishes prepared by our new lab member, Jakhlan. She is from Mongol.
She prepared special vegetarian "khuusurr" for me. I visited the website http://www.mongolfood.info/en/recipes/khuushuur.html to learn more about "khuusurr". Not bad for my taste.
Great but....still long way to go!
The Quantitative RT-PCR results of mine showed that the theories was true. I am very happy about it. But then again it's still requires a tons of works to properly say so.
Nowadays, the reviewers of any articles that we wish to publish in the journals will ask lots of questions once they got grip of the manuscript. Sometimes, the questions will sent us back to square one where we, the scientists will need to repeat or do the same experiments using state-of-art equipment. In this laboratory, my professor is not someone who love the modern gadgets. He only wish that the students will used the inexpensive and old techniques as long as we can produce data. Thus, one of the associate researcher have to re-submit her manuscript three times because he refused to let her used Real Time machine but instead using the RT-PCR though our lab have the machine. The reason, it will caused money to prepare the same samples and the kits to be used is expensive.
I think he forget that time is invaluable and is more expensive compare to the real money. We can find money but be can't buy the time that have passed by.
Anyhow, at the moment I think my study is in the right path and I pray to God that I will be able to write up the conclusion soon.
Nowadays, the reviewers of any articles that we wish to publish in the journals will ask lots of questions once they got grip of the manuscript. Sometimes, the questions will sent us back to square one where we, the scientists will need to repeat or do the same experiments using state-of-art equipment. In this laboratory, my professor is not someone who love the modern gadgets. He only wish that the students will used the inexpensive and old techniques as long as we can produce data. Thus, one of the associate researcher have to re-submit her manuscript three times because he refused to let her used Real Time machine but instead using the RT-PCR though our lab have the machine. The reason, it will caused money to prepare the same samples and the kits to be used is expensive.
I think he forget that time is invaluable and is more expensive compare to the real money. We can find money but be can't buy the time that have passed by.
Anyhow, at the moment I think my study is in the right path and I pray to God that I will be able to write up the conclusion soon.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Follow the success habits
What I can say about myself had been said enough and explained in details in Scorpio horoscope. Some people will say that I live my life based on it. No, it's not true. Some of the characterization of Scorpio really reflects my habits. I always believe that we're born with certain distinctive qualities but we can always change it for good if we wanted to.
As example, I am supposed to be shy and love to stay quite at the background. It's true but I also had prove to myself that I can be otherwise. I've been the other 'ME' since 16 years old. I am strong headed and craved for successes and love the limelight. The reality in life is that if we wanted something hard enough it will subconsciously manifest the results in our attitude and life will change accordingly. Have a 'dream' and the 'dream' will have you in it.
As example, I am supposed to be shy and love to stay quite at the background. It's true but I also had prove to myself that I can be otherwise. I've been the other 'ME' since 16 years old. I am strong headed and craved for successes and love the limelight. The reality in life is that if we wanted something hard enough it will subconsciously manifest the results in our attitude and life will change accordingly. Have a 'dream' and the 'dream' will have you in it.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
My birthday
I love to celebrate my own birthday. Be it narcissist, I don't mind to be called so. I just love it. I thank God for creating me. I thank my parents for having me. I thank my families, close or far, my friends, my teachers and anyone who somehow leave a mark on my life. My life journey has a long way to go. I pray that God will give me strenght to endure the goodness and the badness of life. If He give me all the good things, I want me to be able to remember that I shall share it with other people. If He give me bad things (please don't), I want me to remember that the phase will surely pass over one fine day.
Friday, November 7, 2008
My lovely realtime RT-PCR
At the moment I am working with my Real Time RT-PCR machine. It is working overtime as it amplifies everythings that it shouldn't. When I first bought the primers, the peak was only one. I tried 3 times to confirm the conditions. Then, the problems started when I run my samples. There are smears. I had to rerun again and again to get the specific band as I can see smears on the upper lanes.
You might not understand what I am bebling about. But that's a life of a biologist who deals with molecular technology tools. As we can say that there are good days in the laboratories but long bad weeks. Cheers!
You might not understand what I am bebling about. But that's a life of a biologist who deals with molecular technology tools. As we can say that there are good days in the laboratories but long bad weeks. Cheers!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Next destination - Sannomiya Station
I am going to Kobe tomorrow evening to meet up with Su. Abg Saru, K Ann's husband together with his boss and her husband are here in Japan for 5 days. Su and I will play host and take them somewhere or help them to get somewhere on Saturday as the next day, they are going to take flight back home.
I ordered some herbs from Malaysia through Abg Saru. Thanks a lot to Ina and K Ann for going around Kota Bharu picking up things for me. I need to satisfy my appetite. Laksa Utara, here I come. Will post the laksa's picture if time permitt, which means that I do not forget to snap the picture before eating it all. (^_^)
I ordered some herbs from Malaysia through Abg Saru. Thanks a lot to Ina and K Ann for going around Kota Bharu picking up things for me. I need to satisfy my appetite. Laksa Utara, here I come. Will post the laksa's picture if time permitt, which means that I do not forget to snap the picture before eating it all. (^_^)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Atta!
The word 'atta' in japanese means found. And that can be followed with 'yokatta'! which means good feeling or something good.
It is regarding the protein marker that I have been trying to identifiy since last two month. I got it today and it is perfectly suite the hypothesis with slight alteration. Thus, I am very happy at the moment.
I will not say 'atta' instead I will say 'Jumpa!!!!'.
It is regarding the protein marker that I have been trying to identifiy since last two month. I got it today and it is perfectly suite the hypothesis with slight alteration. Thus, I am very happy at the moment.
I will not say 'atta' instead I will say 'Jumpa!!!!'.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Inter-cultural marriage
I would not say anything about inter-religious marriage as it is depend on the religion itself. Some allowed but many not.
The interesting part about inter-cultural marriage is I never think about it. I have a very logic kind of mind but somehow clouded with emotions. It means that I look at something or some problems with logic but full of ideal ideas which sometimes will not become true.
As example, in the case of inter-culture marriage, it never ever crossed my mind that besides me, there will be my mother, brothers and all the extended families inside the marriage world. My Japanese homestay mother was the one who pointed it out to me the possible problem that might arises out of marriage between different ethics. She told me that her sister is married to an American Japanese who do not know a word of Japanese language. As his mother-in-law could not speak a word of English, there are gap between both of them. They cannot communicate, thus they can't understand each other as well as they are supposed to. At the end, the love is there but it could not be expressed.
My logic will say "It's the 2 lovers that are married. Why bother with others?". Yes, that's true to a certain extend, but marriage is not only between two people. It is between two families. That's why we have extended families. Take mafia families as the example. They might be the bad guys but they love their own people like they love their own self.
The other side of me will say that after all this years living with my mother's love, I am not willing to take it for granted. The person who I'll be married shall love my mother as much as I will love his. The differences should not be the big issues. Just focus on the similarity and forget the differences, then you will feel much better. I think so! Who knows?! ('_^)
The interesting part about inter-cultural marriage is I never think about it. I have a very logic kind of mind but somehow clouded with emotions. It means that I look at something or some problems with logic but full of ideal ideas which sometimes will not become true.
As example, in the case of inter-culture marriage, it never ever crossed my mind that besides me, there will be my mother, brothers and all the extended families inside the marriage world. My Japanese homestay mother was the one who pointed it out to me the possible problem that might arises out of marriage between different ethics. She told me that her sister is married to an American Japanese who do not know a word of Japanese language. As his mother-in-law could not speak a word of English, there are gap between both of them. They cannot communicate, thus they can't understand each other as well as they are supposed to. At the end, the love is there but it could not be expressed.
My logic will say "It's the 2 lovers that are married. Why bother with others?". Yes, that's true to a certain extend, but marriage is not only between two people. It is between two families. That's why we have extended families. Take mafia families as the example. They might be the bad guys but they love their own people like they love their own self.
The other side of me will say that after all this years living with my mother's love, I am not willing to take it for granted. The person who I'll be married shall love my mother as much as I will love his. The differences should not be the big issues. Just focus on the similarity and forget the differences, then you will feel much better. I think so! Who knows?! ('_^)
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Autumn in my nose!
I can't say that I like autumn though it is the best weather besides spring. The reason is because I am allergy towards cold weather. I've started to have nose bleeding since middle of last month. Thus, every morning there will be spots of red blood in my sticky mucus extraced from sinus. And suddenly I have mucus coming out of mouth with heavy breathing every night and coughing unstopable. What are great ideas to start the autumn! 8-)
Probably the stress accumulated from last 2 years have taken it toll.
Probably the stress accumulated from last 2 years have taken it toll.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
to love or not to love?
Great! Do you think by being scientist, I have no heart to love anyone? Think again.
Absolutely, this is not to do with anything like the high school love stories. I am done with that. I always choose not to love anybody more than myself (beside the families) because I am afraid of being hurt. Twice I was hurt. First, it was not me who chose it. Second, I lost my heart completely to this one person. It was me who decided to do that, under the influence of the best drug in the world, 'oxytocin' (if you're a biologist, you will understand what I mean).
Love is overrated by all mean. It is used in every single things that we do. If you watch commercial in the TV, it is there. In the drama. In real life. In tragedy.
Really, my point is we should be proud of being able to love. To feel that we have that emotion and the most important thing, to have the heart, IS the best thing in the world. I would love to fell in love once again. It is actually an addiction. Addicted to love.
I just glad to feel love again...
Absolutely, this is not to do with anything like the high school love stories. I am done with that. I always choose not to love anybody more than myself (beside the families) because I am afraid of being hurt. Twice I was hurt. First, it was not me who chose it. Second, I lost my heart completely to this one person. It was me who decided to do that, under the influence of the best drug in the world, 'oxytocin' (if you're a biologist, you will understand what I mean).
Love is overrated by all mean. It is used in every single things that we do. If you watch commercial in the TV, it is there. In the drama. In real life. In tragedy.
Really, my point is we should be proud of being able to love. To feel that we have that emotion and the most important thing, to have the heart, IS the best thing in the world. I would love to fell in love once again. It is actually an addiction. Addicted to love.
I just glad to feel love again...
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Bad dreams
'Dreams are sequence images, sounds and feelings experienced while sleeping, particularly strongly associated with rapid eye movement sleep.' is the first sentence in Wikipedia that explain dreams. I am not going through those subject though because my interest is about my bad dreams.
Probably last two months, I dreamt that three of my upper teeth were easily pull out by myself. No pain, nothing. To tell the truth, at the back of my front teeth, there is one structure like a small teeth coming out. I never like it. But it is there since I was small so, be it. It never cause any pain, just some curiosity (as a scientist, huh! anything out of ordinary will make me wonder). So, it was that teeth that come out but, not one, three.
Being Malay by ethnicity, broken teeth is always associated with death or bad thing of the love one or families. I never trust that. Not before, not now.
When I was told about Dr Kannan, it never crossed my mind to associate the dream and that bad news. However last evening, I got to know that one of my cousin was admitted into the hospital for bleeding in the colon. It's a deja vu for the my father's side of family as we had gone through this type of death in the family associated with this health problems quite a number beforehand. I admitt that my father's big families love to eat.
Two bad news in a week. What to say, I am as strong as a giant and my as brave as a lion. Who knows when I am crying inside and want someone to hold me and say that's everything will turn alright.
Probably last two months, I dreamt that three of my upper teeth were easily pull out by myself. No pain, nothing. To tell the truth, at the back of my front teeth, there is one structure like a small teeth coming out. I never like it. But it is there since I was small so, be it. It never cause any pain, just some curiosity (as a scientist, huh! anything out of ordinary will make me wonder). So, it was that teeth that come out but, not one, three.
Being Malay by ethnicity, broken teeth is always associated with death or bad thing of the love one or families. I never trust that. Not before, not now.
When I was told about Dr Kannan, it never crossed my mind to associate the dream and that bad news. However last evening, I got to know that one of my cousin was admitted into the hospital for bleeding in the colon. It's a deja vu for the my father's side of family as we had gone through this type of death in the family associated with this health problems quite a number beforehand. I admitt that my father's big families love to eat.
Two bad news in a week. What to say, I am as strong as a giant and my as brave as a lion. Who knows when I am crying inside and want someone to hold me and say that's everything will turn alright.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Is scientist is a boring career choice? Watch Galileo, japanese drama.
If a person is looking for a way to make abundance of money in 1 or 2 years, drive good cars and wear good suits, then the answer is no. However, to point out that scientist life is boring and we care for nothing, then it is also not true. Scientist love to socialize. Scientist love good food. And off course money will make us smile all day. Above that, there is something that we call satisfaction that scientist treasure.
I can't talk for others. But watching a Japanese detective drama, Galileo can explained a bit about what is scientist life is all about. Similar to mine, I guess.
The main character is a Associate Professor who lead a physics laboratory. He was a genius who is considered weird but well acknowledge for his ability in the field. He love sports, art and good food. He seems to have no emotion towards life and very practical.
However, in one episode he explained to his co-star in the drama, a female detective that he was being snobbish towards life or human. Scientist is a person who have one hypothesis, keep repeating and adjusting the experiment until the hypothesis is proven and for the benefits of the people. In that episode, it showed that the Professor keep throwing out the hand phone while sending the message for help out of the small window of a broken ship where both of them were trapped as he hope that one point the message could be sent. This was because inside the broken ship, the signal can't be sent out. He managed at last to get the message sent and both of them were saved.
But there are other kind of scientist......
I can't talk for others. But watching a Japanese detective drama, Galileo can explained a bit about what is scientist life is all about. Similar to mine, I guess.
The main character is a Associate Professor who lead a physics laboratory. He was a genius who is considered weird but well acknowledge for his ability in the field. He love sports, art and good food. He seems to have no emotion towards life and very practical.
However, in one episode he explained to his co-star in the drama, a female detective that he was being snobbish towards life or human. Scientist is a person who have one hypothesis, keep repeating and adjusting the experiment until the hypothesis is proven and for the benefits of the people. In that episode, it showed that the Professor keep throwing out the hand phone while sending the message for help out of the small window of a broken ship where both of them were trapped as he hope that one point the message could be sent. This was because inside the broken ship, the signal can't be sent out. He managed at last to get the message sent and both of them were saved.
But there are other kind of scientist......
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Being a scientist
The truth is we're all human. We breath, eat, drink and sleep. Sometimes we seek entertainment. Sometimes we doubt ourselves. Other times we doubt others.
Same here! I am a scientist but before that I am a human being. Thus, I practise my life as human, then as a scientist. What I am really saying is that as a human I have a very strong instinct. I can feel that some experiments are going to take me far, though some are stupid. I am very certain that my current hypothesis is true but as far as it get me, the experiment does not show a very convincing results. At time, I am afraid that it will make me sad that I do proscratinate. That's all about my current situation referring to the scientist's block. I am sure of my hypothesis but in science instinct do not have any value. Thus, gambatte!
Same here! I am a scientist but before that I am a human being. Thus, I practise my life as human, then as a scientist. What I am really saying is that as a human I have a very strong instinct. I can feel that some experiments are going to take me far, though some are stupid. I am very certain that my current hypothesis is true but as far as it get me, the experiment does not show a very convincing results. At time, I am afraid that it will make me sad that I do proscratinate. That's all about my current situation referring to the scientist's block. I am sure of my hypothesis but in science instinct do not have any value. Thus, gambatte!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Birthday
My birthday is coming soon, next month on the 11th day. I somehow love love my own birthday. The number seems very good and I got a lot of comments on the 11/11. Very fascinating! Mira's birthday is just 5 days before mine. What a coincidence!
By the way, this Sunday is going to be Mirza's birthday. We are trying to have picnic together with others. I have to find a very good recipe of macaroni and cheese.
Happy Birthday!!!
By the way, this Sunday is going to be Mirza's birthday. We are trying to have picnic together with others. I have to find a very good recipe of macaroni and cheese.
Happy Birthday!!!
Monday, October 20, 2008
The Game - Utopia
I've playing this online game for awhile now. The game got the twists and it's own turn. The best thing is I am learing more about human nature through the game. The truth about the player will come out once we happened to lose the war.
In this game the player choose their own roles to play in a group of a players known as kingdom. Each player will be assign a province to manage. The province should have a good defence, attackers, thieves and wizards and food to survive the world. The utopian world is full of wars. Losing the wars somehow seems unacceptable to some of the players.
Yesterday, one of the player defected from our group to the other kingdom because of me. How good am I at geeting on people nerve? He was new player in our kingdom. Since his arrival, he love to point out that he was a good player, had been playing the game for ages and his province have the best statistics. He also like to prick on our group leader and sometimes up to insulting.
Then, he suggested that we went into a war to avoid attacked from other kingdoms who seems much more bigger. He seems very much motivated to get us into war and war we went. But something amused happened. He stop attacking. Then, I just point the forum of the kingdom that someone who love to brag was out of the pictures during the war. He was upset and he gave reason that if he attacked, he would got retaliated and would losing acres of land. Then I said, attacked for small land and left the huge defence at home. He then attacked for huge amount of acres, got plummeled, blamed me and left.
I am still wondering of how big is his heart? How is his life outside Utopia? The whole group can see through his action that he's using me as an excuse to left the game. Very funny.
In this game the player choose their own roles to play in a group of a players known as kingdom. Each player will be assign a province to manage. The province should have a good defence, attackers, thieves and wizards and food to survive the world. The utopian world is full of wars. Losing the wars somehow seems unacceptable to some of the players.
Yesterday, one of the player defected from our group to the other kingdom because of me. How good am I at geeting on people nerve? He was new player in our kingdom. Since his arrival, he love to point out that he was a good player, had been playing the game for ages and his province have the best statistics. He also like to prick on our group leader and sometimes up to insulting.
Then, he suggested that we went into a war to avoid attacked from other kingdoms who seems much more bigger. He seems very much motivated to get us into war and war we went. But something amused happened. He stop attacking. Then, I just point the forum of the kingdom that someone who love to brag was out of the pictures during the war. He was upset and he gave reason that if he attacked, he would got retaliated and would losing acres of land. Then I said, attacked for small land and left the huge defence at home. He then attacked for huge amount of acres, got plummeled, blamed me and left.
I am still wondering of how big is his heart? How is his life outside Utopia? The whole group can see through his action that he's using me as an excuse to left the game. Very funny.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Scientist's block
Yes! That one particular phenomenon that exist in science world as I am having it now for past 2 months.
I had some suggestions and discussed with Prof Hosoi. He seems to agree. Yes, he did. Then, the works to prove the hypothesis started. The only set back is that the first technique that I used was not favourable to find that marker, though it showed some hope. The second one is in the process of optimizing. The main problem is that I lost my focus and couldn't get myself to the excitement state.
The ryoko (travel) activity that I had last weekend was supposed to motivate me. Alas, it failed it seems. Oh! God!
I had some suggestions and discussed with Prof Hosoi. He seems to agree. Yes, he did. Then, the works to prove the hypothesis started. The only set back is that the first technique that I used was not favourable to find that marker, though it showed some hope. The second one is in the process of optimizing. The main problem is that I lost my focus and couldn't get myself to the excitement state.
The ryoko (travel) activity that I had last weekend was supposed to motivate me. Alas, it failed it seems. Oh! God!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Living in the present
Yes, I have been my own enemy. Living alone is very scary. Thus, I created in my mind a life that I used to have in Malaysia and bring it with me here. Just to provide me with a cushion. Today, I realize that it has to come to an end. Facing a fact that I am alone is the latest challenge for me. I will try to live in the present, accepting that Japan is my land for another two years and new life will be there for me.
I wish that I will meet my life partner who I will love and cannot live without. That person shall be someone who love me and accept me as I am. We will spent our life together and complement each other. We will spent our life laughing and talking and enjoy being with each other company.
I wish that I will meet my life partner who I will love and cannot live without. That person shall be someone who love me and accept me as I am. We will spent our life together and complement each other. We will spent our life laughing and talking and enjoy being with each other company.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Wake, stand, walk, and then run
I am a person with a little patience. One of the trait that I want to change. People who do not know me will say that I am mature and always sober. It happen to be not true. The other side of me will jump out in front of people who I trust enough to let go of the emotions.
Let's stray away from that. We will focus on the patience. At one point of my life, I was very distracted with my study. Living in the hostel from young age of 13 years old, it shouldn't be a problems for me to change school and live in another hostel. But far from what other people thought, it was a problem.
The grades dropped. I was no more the sober type of person. The inner me was cringed inside. World was upside down. As I wasn't in the position to analyse myself, I blamed to new environment. The news went across the mountain and reached my mother.
She did something that I never thought she would do. She sent me a letter. The letter that I cherished up until now.
She mentioned that I should always remember the rabbit and tortoise story. One of the story that she and my father used to tell us when we were young. It was about running towards the finished line. Yes! Tortoise was the one who challenged the over confident rabbit. Surely, rabbit should be the winner as he can run faster that tortoise. But, faith, hard work and glory sometimes had some other things in stored. Tortoise became the winner because he knew that whatever happened he must never laid back and take it easy. His point was to finish the race. So he kept walking and saw rabbit who happened to be the fastest between the two, was behind him at the finish line. This was because rabbit was so sure of himself and stop to take a nap during the race.
She told me that I was the tortoise. I should work my way slowly but surely to the end. Being in the hostel among the rabbit shouldn't make me weak. So, wake up, stand, walk and the run for the success.
Let's stray away from that. We will focus on the patience. At one point of my life, I was very distracted with my study. Living in the hostel from young age of 13 years old, it shouldn't be a problems for me to change school and live in another hostel. But far from what other people thought, it was a problem.
The grades dropped. I was no more the sober type of person. The inner me was cringed inside. World was upside down. As I wasn't in the position to analyse myself, I blamed to new environment. The news went across the mountain and reached my mother.
She did something that I never thought she would do. She sent me a letter. The letter that I cherished up until now.
She mentioned that I should always remember the rabbit and tortoise story. One of the story that she and my father used to tell us when we were young. It was about running towards the finished line. Yes! Tortoise was the one who challenged the over confident rabbit. Surely, rabbit should be the winner as he can run faster that tortoise. But, faith, hard work and glory sometimes had some other things in stored. Tortoise became the winner because he knew that whatever happened he must never laid back and take it easy. His point was to finish the race. So he kept walking and saw rabbit who happened to be the fastest between the two, was behind him at the finish line. This was because rabbit was so sure of himself and stop to take a nap during the race.
She told me that I was the tortoise. I should work my way slowly but surely to the end. Being in the hostel among the rabbit shouldn't make me weak. So, wake up, stand, walk and the run for the success.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Missing Tokushima!!!
The three days and two nights holidays end last night. It was a very interesting journey. I will miss the moments. The driver, Azian, thanks a lot for voluteering to drive us there. Don't drink coffee next time if you want to sleep. Mirza, thanks for the pudding and please make the new apartment dreams become true. Mira, nice to get to know you and welcome to Tokushima. You have a life full of experience in front of you. And please take care of Mirza....(*_*).
Guys, thanks for making the journey unforgettable. We never lost, but we just discovered Chizu!
Guys, thanks for making the journey unforgettable. We never lost, but we just discovered Chizu!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Holidaying
Tomorrow morning, Azian Mimi (driver, the most experience foreigner among the group), Mirza (co-pilot), Mira (the most junior) and me (the one that can't speak and can't understand Japanese language) will be going to Hiroshima, Tottori, Okayama, then Takamatsu before coming back to Tokushima. We are taking 3 days and 2 night break from the study life as Monday is national holiday.
I can't actually wait for the trip. O'tanoshimini.
By the way, Yati, my friend is going to get enggage tomorrow. Congratulations to her!
I can't actually wait for the trip. O'tanoshimini.
By the way, Yati, my friend is going to get enggage tomorrow. Congratulations to her!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The man that I love
Lately, I think a lot about my father. He passed away about 4 years ago, almost four years. The anniversary is around the corner. Probably I just missed him. I never know that I could missed him so much. By the way it is not that I hate him. It was just that we are so different. We had a very different opinions of how one should live their life. Not the basics of it. He taught me of living the life decently. He gave me opportunity to study, whatever I want to study.
Few years before he died, he was sick. The caused was diabetes. (Yes, he love eating. In his opinion, being fat is as same as wealthy). We argued a lot during that time. I guessed he was just so tired with his life and cannot think straight. Me, being very defensive with my life decision. At the end both of us end up being verbal with each other.
Till now, I don't know the real reasons of him being emotionally unstable. Probably his childhood. He never told us much about his life when he was young. I knew that their family used to be rich, but my grandfather gambled all the money for easy life. The easy life for him, not for the entire family of 10 children. My grandfather bought the first car in the village. Spent most of his time outside the house. Rarely at home. Sold all his entire estate before died at a very young age. Left almost nothing to my grandmother who had to work for others to bring up the 10 children.
My father was a middle child of ten. I still don't know the reason he didn't want to further study. He also choose a path that I think was wrong which sent him to be somewhat unsuccessful. The whole life, money was hard on him. Success seems to elude him. He worked very hard to provide us with necessary things, to give better education. However, he also thought that secondary schooling was enough. He was proud that I finished tertiary education. Did the M.Sc. He passed away before I came to Japan.
Being analytical, he was the only person that who was so close but yet so far. I can't figure out reasons of any action that he took. He love me. He love us. But sometimes he seems to love money more. Maybe I was wrong. Hehehe!
I love him. The love is getting deeper by day. Never stop. I just keep thinking why he did what he did. I am at lost when he was gone. He somehow provide a clear axis of which route that I had to take. He never leave us, the family. My brother once told me that he never thought that my father will passed away. Even when he was admitted to the ICU.
When he was in the ICU, I was just thinking that he would be better and come back home with us. We would take care of him even when he would be paralysed. We will take care of him.
May God take care of him now. He had given me the best that he could. I would never blame him. He was the father that I could wish for. Thank you for be my father. I am very sorry for not being able to be the best child that you want. Thanks a lot for everything.
Few years before he died, he was sick. The caused was diabetes. (Yes, he love eating. In his opinion, being fat is as same as wealthy). We argued a lot during that time. I guessed he was just so tired with his life and cannot think straight. Me, being very defensive with my life decision. At the end both of us end up being verbal with each other.
Till now, I don't know the real reasons of him being emotionally unstable. Probably his childhood. He never told us much about his life when he was young. I knew that their family used to be rich, but my grandfather gambled all the money for easy life. The easy life for him, not for the entire family of 10 children. My grandfather bought the first car in the village. Spent most of his time outside the house. Rarely at home. Sold all his entire estate before died at a very young age. Left almost nothing to my grandmother who had to work for others to bring up the 10 children.
My father was a middle child of ten. I still don't know the reason he didn't want to further study. He also choose a path that I think was wrong which sent him to be somewhat unsuccessful. The whole life, money was hard on him. Success seems to elude him. He worked very hard to provide us with necessary things, to give better education. However, he also thought that secondary schooling was enough. He was proud that I finished tertiary education. Did the M.Sc. He passed away before I came to Japan.
Being analytical, he was the only person that who was so close but yet so far. I can't figure out reasons of any action that he took. He love me. He love us. But sometimes he seems to love money more. Maybe I was wrong. Hehehe!
I love him. The love is getting deeper by day. Never stop. I just keep thinking why he did what he did. I am at lost when he was gone. He somehow provide a clear axis of which route that I had to take. He never leave us, the family. My brother once told me that he never thought that my father will passed away. Even when he was admitted to the ICU.
When he was in the ICU, I was just thinking that he would be better and come back home with us. We would take care of him even when he would be paralysed. We will take care of him.
May God take care of him now. He had given me the best that he could. I would never blame him. He was the father that I could wish for. Thank you for be my father. I am very sorry for not being able to be the best child that you want. Thanks a lot for everything.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The woman that I love
She is the only woman that have everything over me. Either good or bad, she will always accept and understand me. She influences my life so much, that I could be where I am now.
My mother is the one and only person that curved my life. She knows my strength and weakness and how to persuade her only daughter to move forward. Due to some circumstances, she was not able to fulfill her own wishes. Then, as a mother she wants me to be where I wanted to go. She let me go and taste the world under her guidance spirit and trust and love. I flew over the mountains, rivers, oceans and past the stars. But at the end, I will always come back to the earth to meet her. Be it good or bad, I will always stay with her. Her love make me big, and her love could make me bigger. There is no end of her love which make me love her even more.
Everyday is Mother's Day.
My mother is the one and only person that curved my life. She knows my strength and weakness and how to persuade her only daughter to move forward. Due to some circumstances, she was not able to fulfill her own wishes. Then, as a mother she wants me to be where I wanted to go. She let me go and taste the world under her guidance spirit and trust and love. I flew over the mountains, rivers, oceans and past the stars. But at the end, I will always come back to the earth to meet her. Be it good or bad, I will always stay with her. Her love make me big, and her love could make me bigger. There is no end of her love which make me love her even more.
Everyday is Mother's Day.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Same feathers flock together
When the proverb was introduced to me, I can't really make up the real meaning of it. Later, someone explained to me about distribution pattern of feathers of bird, (you can get simple explanation about it in the Wikipedia), which then I can get grasped of the meaning.
I like to say that the proverb is true to the T. Why? I will reflected myself as an example. I am not an extrovert, born as a Scorpion. Thus, I always stay behind the curtain, until one day decided to explore the possibility of being on stage. Overnight, I changed myself, being extrovert 'undercover'. But I realized however I changed, the groups of friends that I met were still they same kind of people. I like to be around the introvert. I still don't like to talk bad about other people, being vocal about it and never feel the urge to cross the line (my own line, mind you). By the way, my mother had successfully instilled in my brain that using s**##$$s words are bad.
Then, Japan here I am. Meeting new people. Still I don't like to be around people who doesn't understand about to stand in another man's shoes. I hate that kind of people. I hate people who love the limelight that they will do everything to be in one. Then I realized that since primary school, I guarded myself very much that I never really make friends with the other kind of people beside the one that I comfortable to be with. I choose my friends. And I love being among them. One of the reasons is that they know what it is about trying see world from the other axis and to accept that people is irregular, not a product of any factory. Accepting other people weakness and differences are one of the ways to move forward. Too focus on the weakness and differences will make the person dull. Dull people is not 'omoshoroii' (interesting) to be around.
I met a few dull people here in Tokushima. I wish all the best to them and hope that they will change themselves one day.
I like to say that the proverb is true to the T. Why? I will reflected myself as an example. I am not an extrovert, born as a Scorpion. Thus, I always stay behind the curtain, until one day decided to explore the possibility of being on stage. Overnight, I changed myself, being extrovert 'undercover'. But I realized however I changed, the groups of friends that I met were still they same kind of people. I like to be around the introvert. I still don't like to talk bad about other people, being vocal about it and never feel the urge to cross the line (my own line, mind you). By the way, my mother had successfully instilled in my brain that using s**##$$s words are bad.
Then, Japan here I am. Meeting new people. Still I don't like to be around people who doesn't understand about to stand in another man's shoes. I hate that kind of people. I hate people who love the limelight that they will do everything to be in one. Then I realized that since primary school, I guarded myself very much that I never really make friends with the other kind of people beside the one that I comfortable to be with. I choose my friends. And I love being among them. One of the reasons is that they know what it is about trying see world from the other axis and to accept that people is irregular, not a product of any factory. Accepting other people weakness and differences are one of the ways to move forward. Too focus on the weakness and differences will make the person dull. Dull people is not 'omoshoroii' (interesting) to be around.
I met a few dull people here in Tokushima. I wish all the best to them and hope that they will change themselves one day.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Bed of flowers
Life is bed of flowers...or it is?
In my opinion, life full of ups and downs. It is a cycle. People are very right when they mention 'cycle' of life. If you're biology scientist, Kreb's cycle probably pop-up in the mind if word cycle is said. Or sometimes people with more mechanical thinking will associated it with bicycle. Whatever it is, life is really ask the best from every thing that live. Unless you're dead, then you have to think, worry and do something in order to keep living.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Selamanya
Selamanya hati ini akan terus mencari
Sudut-sudut rindu yang tersimpan
Mencantum rekahan memori
Mencari warna senyuman warna tangisan
Getaran kata-kata memukul gegendang
Dibawa angin, seperti nama ini di seru
Menghidu wangian menusuk hati
Seolah-olah masih disisi
Walaupun masa berlalu
Segalanya pasti setia di celahan jejari akal
Biar hujan biar panas
Tak akan retak, tak akan lekang
Airmata menitis dalam hati
Hanya menandakan hati terlalu rindu
Mengharapkan masa kembali
Dan masih bersama hingga hujung waktu
Tapi sentiasa bersyukur
Dalam kegelapan ada cinta hadir
Biarpun sendiri, ku bawa mu selamanya
Dedicated to my heart....(^_^)
Sudut-sudut rindu yang tersimpan
Mencantum rekahan memori
Mencari warna senyuman warna tangisan
Getaran kata-kata memukul gegendang
Dibawa angin, seperti nama ini di seru
Menghidu wangian menusuk hati
Seolah-olah masih disisi
Walaupun masa berlalu
Segalanya pasti setia di celahan jejari akal
Biar hujan biar panas
Tak akan retak, tak akan lekang
Airmata menitis dalam hati
Hanya menandakan hati terlalu rindu
Mengharapkan masa kembali
Dan masih bersama hingga hujung waktu
Tapi sentiasa bersyukur
Dalam kegelapan ada cinta hadir
Biarpun sendiri, ku bawa mu selamanya
Dedicated to my heart....(^_^)
Friday, October 3, 2008
Japan and Me
Being alone in Japan make me do my thinking a lot. I am able to evaluate the past, current and future of my life. Of course, I don't want to be labelled narcissist or self loving. I just would like to reflect the life, the world and the existence.
Japan showed me the other side of world that I would never imagine. I think west, USA or Europe were overexposed by the media, but not Japan. The idea of Japan that I have was never enough. As a child I love Ultraman, one of my favourite TV show that I would never missed. My friends, cousins and me would flocked together in front of the TV set of my aunt. If we were at the middle of the game, we stopped just for the Ultraman. Ultraman was the saver for Japan which happened to have many giants coming out under the earth or the sea. They need Ultraman. Sigh! If only I knew the reality, I wouldn't stopped playing.
The next drama series that reflected me what was Japan is "Oshin". That drama didn't only affected us, the children but all the mothers in my small village. We were like under the influence of Oshin, the main character of the drama to stick throughout the series and shared the sorrow and success of Oshin. The drama was not only enjoy by us but take the whole Malaysian like storm.
Then, there were other dramas that I watched. And gave me some insight of Japan. However, Japan was never like what I imagine. Unlike India, the one month that I spent there was somehow similar with India that I had in mind. Some of them still bear some grudge against Pakistan. The rich is really rich. Caste is still being conducted there. I even knew some of the words and can understood the culture as I was addicted to Hindi and Tamil movies, when I was small. I make great friends with
some of them as the can speak English fluently.
At the end, Japan was not like what I imagine. The culture, the people and the life in Japan are very distinct. They are their own league. I am still savouring the smell of Japan, be it good or not. It bring me the new perspective of life.
Japan showed me the other side of world that I would never imagine. I think west, USA or Europe were overexposed by the media, but not Japan. The idea of Japan that I have was never enough. As a child I love Ultraman, one of my favourite TV show that I would never missed. My friends, cousins and me would flocked together in front of the TV set of my aunt. If we were at the middle of the game, we stopped just for the Ultraman. Ultraman was the saver for Japan which happened to have many giants coming out under the earth or the sea. They need Ultraman. Sigh! If only I knew the reality, I wouldn't stopped playing.
The next drama series that reflected me what was Japan is "Oshin". That drama didn't only affected us, the children but all the mothers in my small village. We were like under the influence of Oshin, the main character of the drama to stick throughout the series and shared the sorrow and success of Oshin. The drama was not only enjoy by us but take the whole Malaysian like storm.
Then, there were other dramas that I watched. And gave me some insight of Japan. However, Japan was never like what I imagine. Unlike India, the one month that I spent there was somehow similar with India that I had in mind. Some of them still bear some grudge against Pakistan. The rich is really rich. Caste is still being conducted there. I even knew some of the words and can understood the culture as I was addicted to Hindi and Tamil movies, when I was small. I make great friends with
some of them as the can speak English fluently.At the end, Japan was not like what I imagine. The culture, the people and the life in Japan are very distinct. They are their own league. I am still savouring the smell of Japan, be it good or not. It bring me the new perspective of life.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
I am not going to discuss the novella. As for Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, I am more interested in the point of human nature can exist as bad as Mr Hyde in the body of Dr Jekyll. In my opinion, Robert Louis Stevenson, the writer had been a very good observant of mankind though based on Wikipedia, the story was based on dream that Stevenson had.
I always believe that we can be as good as angel and otherwise. It is the end of both personality that characterized human. Therefore, to live consciously and being able to distinctly decide of good and evil is a way of life. Clear mind and feeling good or calmness are the two important things that I think could lead us to the better judgement in making decision.
I had an experience that I don't mind forgetting. Nevertheless, I used it to remind myself that I could be the cruel character as Mr Hyde if I am not carefully guard my senses. There was one time when I was in my early 20's. Being very busy with work in the laboratory, live on my own with not enough money to support myself and tired, I was offered to teach a hyperactive boy at my home, personal tuition. One fine day, he was not listening or doing any homework that I assign him, so I just beat his legs, few times. I was not very sure of how hard I did so. Only the next day when his mother complaining that his son can't walk to school because of the pain, I was very shocked. Did I do that which caused him so much pain? I was lucky that his mother did not take this any further then decided to not send him to my house anymore and we stop talking. I tried to mend the relationship but she decided to go against that, so I just let it go.
Still, I keep wondering that how I could do that. Where did my patience or consciousness went that day? Till now, I am always aware that I shall be very careful whenever I am under stress. This story have been never told to others besides my housemates of that time and a very few buddies.
Doing the PhD is very stressful. So, I try to stay aware of myself all the time. Tiring but I don't want to cross the line anymore.
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